Interesting day

[Ken Singer LCSW]

Today I saw two survivors. One was in his 20s and had just told his mother of the abuse his older brother had done to him more than 10 years ago. She came to the session with a lot of questions and was very supportive of him.

The other was a boy who just turned 10 and had been abused by an older brother who now is in residential treatment for sexual abusers. His mother, also supportive, brought him to the session.

It was obvious that both mothers loved their sons. They loved their sons who were abused and they also loved their sons who had committed the abuse. Both were primarily concerned about the welfare and recovery for the younger sons. Both were supportive of or wanted treatment for the older sons who had committed the abuse.

They were both concerned that they could keep the family connected or intact once the abuser son of the older survivor was confronted (he has a family of his own) and the younger abuser came home from residential treatment. Both survivors wanted to have a relationship with their older brothers.

As I said to the young boy of 10, "I know of many men who waited until they were much older to get help for what happened to them. I'm glad you wanted to get help now instead of maybe having problems later on."

It's days like this that give me encouragement. Like I said, it was an interesting (and rewarding) day.

Ken

 

Ken,

That is very encouraging. I'm glad you got to be a part of that. I hope things work out for them. And I will support them in my thoughts.

Thanks,

Marc

 

[onlyakid]

>As I said to the young boy of 10, "I know of many men who waited until they were much older to get help for what happened to them. I'm glad you wanted to get help now instead of maybe having problems later on."

Boy do I envy that kid, I wish I had told and gotten help earlier in my life. To everyone who says most survivors don't get help until there 30s 40s, I know, I still envy the kid.

 

[cpt. confusion]

wow, that is very encouraging, especially because i'm in a similar situation to the older survivor, except for the whole mother involvement part. I have not built the courage to confront my brother, or my mother about the abuse, as it occured at least 15-18 years ago. I fear that it will rip a hole through tthe heart of my family, especially my mother, as we are a pretty close family, and my brother also has a family of his own. I do have a relationship with my brother, who was also my perp, even though i've never come forward. there is an uneasiness that exists, at least within myself, that i wish i could get rid of... To know that it was possible for another to climb this mountain in his recovery is monumental to me, and i thank you for sharing. I only look for the day when i too will be able to climb, but one step at a time... sorry to get so personal in my response, i just started rambling.... but thanks again for sharing

 

[The Dean]

Ken, thanks for letting us know about this. The love and support of the mother for both sons is a beautiful tribute to mother love.

I hope everyone involved comes out of this well and closer to each other.

Bob

 

[Curtis St. John]

Thanks for sharing that Ken, that means a lot to us in many different ways.

 

[Brayton]

Something very similiar happened to me recently.

I took a call from a mother whose older, but still a teenager, son who has abused his younger siblings, both pre-teen.

Her older son had been charged with the crime (due to her intervention) and was about to go to court. He was no longer living at home, of course. (She listened to and believed her younger children!)

I was impressed and encouraged by the effort she was making to help all of them.

She called because some years ago we were funded to provide family group therapy for sex offenders who were minors.

We were still listed as providing that service in the first place she looked. Fortunately, I was able to hook her up with other community resources.

I commended her for her efforts and think she was encouraged. She sounded pretty desperate and even hopeless to begin at the start.

 

[Leosha]

Ken,

I am very glad that you had such a positive day, in dealing with the supportive mothers and family situations. It sounds like it would be an interesting day, one with positive to the negatives.

Leosha