interacting with male figures

[liminal]

I've realized that at nearly every job I've had so far, I have engaged in major conflicts with male bosses. I was thinking about it last night and thought that it started with my father and brother (brother was abuser), then with teachers and principals/disciplinarians at high school, and then with most of my (male) supervisors.

Part of it may be that I haven't worked at anything that I even remotely love- and that I've worked in some pretty bad (retail) environments.

I'm worried that it will continue when I go to college, and finally work somewhere that i'm actually invested in.

Has anyone gone through the same thing? any thoughts on how it might change?

~liminal


...i'm thinking it has a lot to do with my relationship with my father?

 

[Sick Puppy]

It's the opposite for me... I can't deal with women at all. I always blame them in my mind for anything that goes wrong and I take out my anger/frustration on them, verbally.

 

[Mike Church]

Liminal
Trouble with Males. You bet.

Your SA was from a older brother. Your father was an abuser of sorts. The men at school gave you trouble. It is no wonder you have trouble with Male Authoity.

I was physically abused by all my male relatives as a child. Sexually abused by three upper classmen in Military College wehn I was 16 and had police officers as clients when I prostituted myself. Boy do I have difficulty with Male Authority. You are a lot like me I think.

Think a bit about it. I still have some difficutly especially if I think the supervisor is incompetent.

Well brother wolf I hope this has helped and will make the road ahead a little bit easier.

Your brother Mike

aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooo

 

[Wuamei]

Liminal I'll simply refer you to this recent thread I started:

https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001861

Victor

 

[mrsunshineguy]

You are right, liminal, if you do not change the program, you will keep getting the same outcomes.
Looking back I sometimes wind up in ABSOLUTELY IRRATIONAL WARs.

When I was an army troop I had one CO trying to get several sergeants to get me busted for anything they could, after I stood up to him. The CO was up to some bad stuff, so the sergeants played along, told me about it, and just laughed it off, and let me get away with it. When I was in ROTC, we had a goof-off cadre, and I went to war with them, I got boarded (like a mini-court martial), wound up winning that and got the Major in charge of the operation a reprimand. And there are plenty of other battles in civilian life.

But I do not think it is so much of an authority or even a male thing with me. When someone is a good person, I get along great with them. So I guess in my case, it is more a case of Black/White, Good Guy/Bad Guy thinking on my part.

If you are in the good guy category, you are on my team. Above or below me, I will die to help you. Maybe a case of please, please, like me? When I was an executive officer in the army, I had a really good commander over me, so I morphed myself into a perfect officer, and even got perfect ones ratings.

But if they are at all ^bad^ and abusing their authority, I mentally cross-identify them as some sort of perp, and I am ready to kill.

And the ones I go to war with are always people in significant authority over me. But because I am also a sleaze, (mostly was, now, I really have tried to cut that down since recovery) I get away with these insane wars.

The most recent was a corruption scheme that some consultants tried to force me into. They were bad guys to be sure, so I went to war, and I got them kicked off a 10 million dollar contract.

So they sued me, and I ate their lunch on that, too. They sent some pyscho-bitch lawyers after me for hours of screaming, and cursing (at me) depositions. They dumped a half million trying to get me, but it just seemed like some insane sport to me, and I would walk out feeling better than when I went in.

I studied the lead attorney for a bit, and figured out from her behavior and actions that she was bulimic. (I guess I learned some other useful stuff from therapy recovery world.) When she would try to close on a point, I would pause, look at her, shift my jaw, and pulse my throat as I would answer. She would lose it in screaming fits. (I know, I know, sleazy on my part) They had to dump their suit and lost their contract.

While that was a correct and proper outcome, looking back, it does not make any logical sense for me to behave like that.

But in the moment, everything goes very clear and lucid, totally calm and calculated, and the fight is on. You know, I have never really looked back it, but it is almost like a switch in my head flips and the fight is on. Fuck me? NO, Fuck YOU! And that is what I do.

I suppose you are right. At 42, with a wife to be, a baby girl, a business to run, customers that count on me, workers that rely on me . . . I really do need a more mature repertoire. Well, I do not know if that was helpful to you, but it does give me some insight towards my inner jerk.

Thanks,

Sunshine

 

[James_dup1]

I have problems with males, I think mine is from my abuse and from the fact that I'm the baby out of 8 girls. So I learned to deal with women and how they act and how not to act around them. Men scare me. Scare the hell out of me. I will let a man run all over me, where women I dont have the same problem with if a woman does something I think is wrong I will tell her. If a man does,I'll keep it inside and let if fester.