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BrisvegasInGA

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My story begins in 1970 in rural Queensland. I was adopted into working class family with iron-clad Christian values. Spare the rod etc and all that came with it - just as so many of my generation endured.

I was sexually and psychologically abused from age 8 to approx 11. My abuser was a volunteer group leader with the 'boys brigade' . Think of it as a type of boy scouts for fundamentalist Christians. I know now that my insecurities as a small, effeminate adopted (unwanted) boy stood out like neon to him as a predator.

He groomed me expertly. Taking the time to discover what my fears and aspirations were so he could incorporate those into his manipulations. They later became levers for violent threats to ensure my silence.

The abuse lasted until I finally found out that if I displayed aggression and used foul language my parents would keep me home from Sunday school and boys brigade - not as punishment - but because they were so ashamed of me.

At this point in the story I guess I'm expected to set out a chronology of first the abuse and then the consequential disaster my adult life became.....but it's probably no different to yours with the exception of changes to locations and props.

Multiple addictions, suicidal or self-sabotaging behaviours, hyper-sexuality, relationship disaster...plus, plus, etc, etc.

My soon-to-be ex-wife broke me down to where I agreed to pursue the church legally. I'm told my case is 'textbook' - yet has still been dragging on for 3+ years. I had (to my untrained eye anyway) been surviving to this point.

An impulsive international move and hurried marriage later (my 3rd...) and I find myself without support, in a foreign country with no health benefits to fall back on. As a result my life has spiraled into chaos. I've experienced violence, homelessness, crime and exploitation from all sides. Now my family and I have found a home (pure luck) but all the resentment and anger that built up over the months living in roach-infested motels with 3 kids is spilling over.

I am fighting a daily, persistent urge to suicide. Long story short - my life and relationships are a dumpster fire of comical proportions.

I found the male survivor page and lurked there for a few years before my desperation for help pushed me to reach out here.

I am so grateful to the team behind this project and my fellow survivors for this place. Thank you.

Craig.
 
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