insecurity

[beccy]

just wondering about the fact my bf has never asked me to marry him...

don't know why it's bugging me so much again, it's not like it's a new thing or anything. I feel that he's probably not got much 'space' to think about that at the moment, but part of me was hoping that now he's realised he does want to stay with me, he would feel like asking me, you know? I do feel insecure, like he's not really sure.

Also, he has seemed more depressed since I brought up the emotional/physical boundary issue. I suppose I'm feeling guilty and insecure.


peace
Beccy

 

[Trish4850]

Beccy,

Have you and your b/f discussed marriage? I suppose that would be question number one. Number two would be, what resulted from the conversation? It is one that has to be had, no matter how long you're together.

My b/f and I have talked about it, he knows it's what I ultimately want, but he also knows that I don't want it just because I want it. If he isn't ready to go down that road too, then we don't do it. It would only spell disaster in the long run, maybe in the short run, who knows.

Anyway, an open conversation is pretty critical on this subject.

ROCK ON........Trish

 

[beccy]

We talked about it years ago. what I recall is that he didn't seem keen, and because he could tell that made me nervous, he DID ask me during the same conversation, but it was like, ''well if it bothers you that much, will you marry me?''. Not that that's actually what he said, but you get the idea? Obviousely I didn't say yes then, as it didn't even sound like he knew what he was asking. The issue didn't come up again till he told his mother I was pregnant and she freaked out about us not being married, to which both of us rejected the idea merely out of rebellious anger that she was trying to interfere so much! That's 5 years ago and since then I have talked about how I would very much like us to be married. Shortly after the later part of his csa came out, I said I'd marry him if he asked me. He recently tried to reassure me that he was trying to think of a good way to ask.(in hindsight, I now know that was actually when he was still very much worried about what he wanted, so it makes me very unsure of what to believe of what he tells me)

It's all meaningless anyway if I keep asking him about it, so I have to trust that it is what he wants and that he's just trying to plan the perfect way to ask. Also, not feeling good/confident about himself at the moment, so perhaps he wants to be in a different 'place' when he asks me? That's what my optimistic side says........but my paranoia says, after 12 years and 2 kids, if it still doesn't seem a natural thing to ask me, will it ever?

Perhaps things are just too odd between us at the moment anyway to be thinking about something like marriage. Just depressing me really, like we've got 2 kids, we live together you know?

anyway, got to go, back later..


peace
Beccy