Insecurity, esteem, self concept.......

Insecurity, esteem, self concept.......
T

TrailofTears

Registrant
I was told by my perpetrators that 1.) I was undesirable because of my penis size (I had just turned 13 then), that 2.) I was unlovable and no woman would want me or ever be sexually loyal to me AND that if I ever did find a woman to stay with me, 3.)I would never be "enough" and she would cheat on me with other men. This was just before they (5 of them) brutally and sexually molested me.
This has created a lot of psychological torture for me and now I can't seem to find why any woman would want to be with me or how to alieviate my fears, I ask myself questions like, "Why would anyone choose me, if there are "better" guys out there? (This is not ALL about penis size, I am an adult man now, but it creates a lot of supicion and self-doubt about myself that years of therapy has yet to extinguish). The feeling attached is pure hell and in the past has brought me to the brink of suicide, and I have had to be hospitalized before because of this core issue, so I could really use everyone's help with this.
 
I had a psych nurse tell me one time, "Love You."

(You're helping me today, by the way. The more I read and respond to your posts, the better I'm feeling, if that makes any sense. Maybe because we have some of the same issues.)

I wonder if so much of our worries might be lessened if we could just accept ourselves. Nevermind "any woman" ever accepting us. My therapist used to tell me to stop comparing myself to others. The question really is, as a boy, did we deserve what was done to us? Would we ever tell a boy what those perps told you? No. And Never. What did you deserve as a boy? Love and acceptance for who you were. We deserved good self-worth reflected in the unconditional love shown us by our parents. We deserved to feel like we were good inside and that we could be whatever we chose to be. We deserved to be protected.

The boy is alive and here as a man. He still deserves unconditional love, protection, and self-worth. Now we can look past what was done to us and see that we're just guys who've been treated badly and need the same things we've ever needed. As she said, "love you". Once we can love ourselves, the rest may fall into place.

You're a good man. Don't forget that.
 
It is not enough that the abuse leaves us feeling worthless, he had to tell you that you were. The thing about it is your not worthless. I hate to use the sticks and stones thing but in all honesty it is true. No matter what is said to us we are truly made up of what we believe, changing what we think of ourselves is the key, loving ourself, caring for ourself, knowing that a higher power loves us. Putting the blame on the people responsible for your abuse and leaving it with them was the key for me. Once I gave it back to them I began looking toward the future with a different outlook. You are as powerful as you believe you are, just believe in yourself, you are not the abuse, you are not what they said, you are wonderful. Sit down and look at all that you have done, hell just posting your abuse is powerful.

Hang in here with us, you will make it.

Believe you can be and you will be.
 
Since I spoke up, the perv that I got convicted does not have many friends (if any), and I think about the only person that might love him is himself.

I actually know that everyone has stood by me (even though they are shocked to find out after so long), and that I am loved by many (even though I cannot tell anyone else that I love them (the word is tainted).

The perv that I am talking about abused 1 on 1. How do you really think society would view abusers that need to be in a crowd of 5 to abuse 1 person! I think they would hate them. The abused person though would receive much empathy!

You are not the bad, unlovable person in this case! They are!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
tot,this is very strange as i had the same problem but my abuser used the opposite angle on size. from the first time he saw me he always told me that i was very big ,you know ,for my age .he said that my size proved that i had been doing sex stuff and that is why i was bigger there than kids my age.he also said that anybody who saw me without clothes would know what i had done with him because it was obvious that i had been using it a lot to make it grow like that.yeah he was a sick puppy ,but it kept me from ever taking a shower at school ,i knew if the other kids saw me they would know ,crazy the shit they plant in our minds . i swore i would never let anyone see me .and still feel that way ,but i have no clue if i am normal size or not . i dont think it matters to women but it does matter to me ,dont know why adam
 
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