Indirect self harm and religion

[mark250676]

Being someone that has always rejected religion due to my feelings that the negative effects, hatred and things bad things done in "god's name", far outweigh any positives. I was surprised to feel an understanding of some religious groups that feel the need to punish themselves to reflect the sin's of man that they say god paid the ultimate prce for.

Having lived with untreated depression, a stomach ulcer, self harm, alcohol addiction and it's related physical effects for years. I can kind of feel a kinship to someone paying for the sins of others.

I'm was punishing myself for the sins of my abuser?

Or was I just wallowing in self pity?

My mind is split. It used to scream to me it was just self pity. But that blocked out my own screams.

Has anyone else felt the same?

 

[DimitriX]

I look back and wonder if I did similar things. I never directly injured myself (cutting, drinking, drugs, etc), but I have indirectly injured myself by pushing everyone away. I don't trust people and I don't feel like I belong to any group. So, by staying a recluse with very few friends, I've hurt myself for the things I've done or didn't do. I'm trying to get past that.

Whether it's self-pity or punishment, it doesn't matter. In the end, we're hurting ourselves in the present for something that happened in the past.