In the dark

[Echoes]

After weeks my psychiatrist finally convinced me to talk to the cops again. I met them again today and it was just as bad as I thought it would be. It was fucking terrible, not only because I'm already terrified of the police but because the officer who questioned, yes, questioned me was a huge dick who kept antagonizing me and twisting my words and manipulating things. He kept trying to imply that because I'm a lawyer I knew the process and how much I could fake and how much I would get from it and then I must have fabricated the whole story. It made me so mad I wanted to lash out and then curl up. He was only supposed to take a fucking statement, but he kept gaslighting and belitting me when I said I didn't remember some things and I don't understand how he can go to sleep at night knowing he's defending a fucking psychopath. I'm at the end of my wits and it feels like I'm in the dark and no one will help me. I don't know if I can do this.

 

[tommyb]

(echoes)

Police officers are trained in CSA, but their heavier training lies in vetting. It's common for the victim to feel interrogated by police and I feel it's almost unavoidable do to the nature of it. Don't let his words get in your head or harm your view of law enforcement farther. He might be a bad cop. Don't lose faith in the system -- a system that was created with someone just like you and in your situation in mind. For you to feel the way you do concerning him is normal. Even if he was a good cop, you'd probably be feeling many of the same feelings. Don't lose hope. Never allow anyone -- especially some cop you find suspicious -- make you feel powerless.

 

[Echoes]

Thank you for the words, Tommy. My stepfather was another fucking psycho who tortured me for 8 years, so I've always been irrationaly afraid of the police. Maybe I was projecting. I don't know.

 

[Echoes]

Why do they all assume I'm lying? I'm not lying. I never did.

 

[tommyb]

(echoes)


don't worry about projections. Listen to your gut. Don't pycho-analyze yourself. It'll only cause people to do that to you instead of listening to you.

It's difficult to live in the truth when there's no proof of it and everyone prefers any other story other than the truth. Perception does not become reality. If nothing else on earth is certain -- the truth stays true. Even the ground you're standing on knows it.

 

[Echoes]

Thank you, really. My thoughts have been in tailspin, I start to get convinced that maybe they're right and I'm wrong, that I must be imagining this. I'll try to be strong. I'm not lying

 

[tommyb]

(echoes)

 

[Older1]

Dear Echoes; It sounds like you have pursued all avenues and made rational choices. It is unfortunate that you have not received the support that you wanted and needed. Obviously, those you accused put up a defence with an offence, which only added to your pain. It takes patience to wait until the dust settles and visions clear again. Blessings for greater peace ahead.

 

[Echoes]

Thank you, Older1. And I'm so sorry for yesterday.

 

[jas4159]

Sounds pretty normal and it really sucks.