Importance of Not Keeping It a Secret
Yesterday I heard from a friend who has been supportive in my healing. A very close family friend of theirs attempted to take her life. She had been under treatment for the past 20 or so years. She has been diagnosed with bipolar to schizophrenia to depression.
She has been hospitalized for about a month and now they are finally learning of the childhood sexual abuse she endured but was silent about. After all those years the doctors could not get it right, looking at symptoms and giving the diagnosis of the more know or common causes of her condition. The doctors are reevaluating her condition and she is meeting with doctors experienced in CSA and trauma. Sad to think all those years the so called professionals misdiagnosed this woman and could not get to the cause of her issues. It shows, you need the right professional who is open and if there are signs outside their expertise they should seek help. But sadly, it seems this did not happen because many think they know it all.
The purpose of their call was to ask me more about CSA, its impacts and how I healed. Big questions. I said we each cope in our own way, some make it through unscathed, others the pain is so great turn to addictions, compulsions, acting out, dissociation and sadly suicide. The pain for many is great but I said most feel a sense of being unworthy and guilty and fear anyone learning of what happened. Sadly, how we cope is generally not healthy. I said I dissociated, I was able to escape the pain and the doctors believed I was running to something part of me felt safe,possible the abuse or the abuser. I told my friend a part of us is disconnected or fragmented at the time of the abuse. We do not feel whole, we were robbed of being one. I said we all have different parts but for most people they are able to connect the parts,but victims have a way of keeping a part of us separate, a part we despise.
I said I was fortunate to have found supportive doctors, therapist, support groups and people who were compassionate and understanding. I said it is important she has doctors and therapist that make her feel safe and her family is supportive. Most importantly people should look at her for the strength for the she had to endure and how she survived. They should not make her feel guilty or unworthy because of the abuse. It was not her fault. I said I know too well when people treat the survivor as a leper and trigger the memories and recreate a sense of the abuse it hampers healing and it could prove deadly. Compassion and support is what is needed. I learned she has a husband and two older children but that is the extent of her family. I said, I know how good you were to me, so I know you will be there for your friend.
The doctors and therapist will be key. I also recommend she find a support group that works for her and her medical professionals believe are right for her. I said, my therapist had me journal, it worked for me, very disjointed when I read it today, but I said I can feel my emotions. They are aware I met with the Diocese and visited the place of the abuse. I told them, it is important that she speak with her doctors and therapists before undertaking. I said my visit was out of necessity because I had to visit the place of the abuse to bury my mother. I told them it was emotional draining and it led to me hitting rock bottom, with several hospitalizations. It needs to be approached with caution.
I felt honored that someone thought of me as a resource and not a victim of CSA. I am sad for the poor woman who has been labeled with different diagnosis and her true issue remained undetected because the medical professionals could not see through what they thought was the obvious. But now I am happy she survived and will be treated for PTSD and trauma.
At first I was scared to speak with anyone about my CSA but now I am glad I am able to give some insights to others who are trying to support a victim.
The silence must stop.
She has been hospitalized for about a month and now they are finally learning of the childhood sexual abuse she endured but was silent about. After all those years the doctors could not get it right, looking at symptoms and giving the diagnosis of the more know or common causes of her condition. The doctors are reevaluating her condition and she is meeting with doctors experienced in CSA and trauma. Sad to think all those years the so called professionals misdiagnosed this woman and could not get to the cause of her issues. It shows, you need the right professional who is open and if there are signs outside their expertise they should seek help. But sadly, it seems this did not happen because many think they know it all.
The purpose of their call was to ask me more about CSA, its impacts and how I healed. Big questions. I said we each cope in our own way, some make it through unscathed, others the pain is so great turn to addictions, compulsions, acting out, dissociation and sadly suicide. The pain for many is great but I said most feel a sense of being unworthy and guilty and fear anyone learning of what happened. Sadly, how we cope is generally not healthy. I said I dissociated, I was able to escape the pain and the doctors believed I was running to something part of me felt safe,possible the abuse or the abuser. I told my friend a part of us is disconnected or fragmented at the time of the abuse. We do not feel whole, we were robbed of being one. I said we all have different parts but for most people they are able to connect the parts,but victims have a way of keeping a part of us separate, a part we despise.
I said I was fortunate to have found supportive doctors, therapist, support groups and people who were compassionate and understanding. I said it is important she has doctors and therapist that make her feel safe and her family is supportive. Most importantly people should look at her for the strength for the she had to endure and how she survived. They should not make her feel guilty or unworthy because of the abuse. It was not her fault. I said I know too well when people treat the survivor as a leper and trigger the memories and recreate a sense of the abuse it hampers healing and it could prove deadly. Compassion and support is what is needed. I learned she has a husband and two older children but that is the extent of her family. I said, I know how good you were to me, so I know you will be there for your friend.
The doctors and therapist will be key. I also recommend she find a support group that works for her and her medical professionals believe are right for her. I said, my therapist had me journal, it worked for me, very disjointed when I read it today, but I said I can feel my emotions. They are aware I met with the Diocese and visited the place of the abuse. I told them, it is important that she speak with her doctors and therapists before undertaking. I said my visit was out of necessity because I had to visit the place of the abuse to bury my mother. I told them it was emotional draining and it led to me hitting rock bottom, with several hospitalizations. It needs to be approached with caution.
I felt honored that someone thought of me as a resource and not a victim of CSA. I am sad for the poor woman who has been labeled with different diagnosis and her true issue remained undetected because the medical professionals could not see through what they thought was the obvious. But now I am happy she survived and will be treated for PTSD and trauma.
At first I was scared to speak with anyone about my CSA but now I am glad I am able to give some insights to others who are trying to support a victim.
The silence must stop.
