Impact on me from "The Passion" movie

Impact on me from "The Passion" movie
A

Arthur

Registrant
Well I went and saw Mel Gibson's "The Passion of Christ" today. I just finished it about an hour ago so it's still fresh in my thoughts. Personally, my feelings about recommending someone else to go see it are mixed. Jesus last few days WERE filled with violence and passion and much of those same days were gory. I don't think everyone needs to see this movie tohave an understanding of what Jesus went through for each one of us.

Anyway, there were a number of very powerful flashbacks during the movie and one of them was on loving ones enemies. I have read this scripture possibly a hundred times. I've even had the insight that Jesus even meant for me to love myself since I am most often my worst enemy (but no one here knows anything about hating oneself, right?).

Today, as I heard those words, I had a flashback of my own to a post I had written in reply to the post at this site titled "Why?"
This is part of what I wrote:


"If I quit (or give up) on myself then the molester has won - Quitting means I am not a human being with worth and value (and who hurts when my worth and value are abused). Quitting on myself means I accept that I was and am an object for the molester to use how ever he pleases to use me.
I refuse, no matter how much hurt I feel, to quit on myself and I hope you don't quit on yourself either." (end of quote)


Now for the tie-in to the Passion movie: I have become more and more aware of a behavior I do not like in myself but I don't know (yet?) what to do to change it. Just one fresh example (from many): I walked my dog after I got home from the movie tonight. Part way through our walk she spied another dog being walked and she took off after it......until she ran out of leash. I reeled her back in, close to me and held her close by me until we had walked sufficiently past the other dog, which, btw, was much larger than my tiny 10 pounder and could have hurt her if she had been able to get close enough to it. My behavior was loving and caring for my dog. In addition, I do not condemn my dog's behavior, either. It's very natural for dogs to behave this way. As her owner, it's my chosen responsibility to care for her.

My behavior was appropriate but, to me, the feelings I had at the same time were not appropriate. What my feelings were telling me I was doing was controlling or forcing her(by holding the leash so close that she could only breathe if she stopped trying to run to the other dog)to do the behavior I wanted from her. I felt irritated that she was not doing what I wanted (ignore the other dog). I don't like it that my feelings are so out of line. Walking my dog this evening is just one example of what I'm seeing and not liking within myself. I wish my feelings matched my behaviors.....at least when my behaviors are appropriate, that is!

I often catch myself (my feelings) in opposition to the scripture of "Not my will but Thine be done". I want my will to be done.......Big Time! I realized tonight one of the reasons why letting go of my will is a real challenge for me. I refer back to my quote (above) about being an object for the molester instead of a human being if I were to give up on myself. How do I give up my will without giving up on myself (and therefore, in my own eyes at least, becoming an object, and no longer a human being with a will of my own)?

Most of the time I'm glad when I can do what's right even when I don't feel like doing it. But I want to do good for good reasons rather than doing good to avoid negative consequences. It seems really hypocritical to me, even if no one else knows.


I'm not even sure this is making any sense so I'll quit here for now. It has been helpful to me to ventilate and to at least have it written down now.


Art
 
Art,

You seem to have gotten more out of the movie than I did. I just keep blacking out during the movie. Little bits here and little bits there. I don't know how much of it I actually saw.

Your experience was much more insightful than my, huh, were did I go.

Bill
 
At the age of 40 I have just recently aknowledged that I was abused for the first 20 some odd years of my life. As for The Passion, I watched it with MUCH guilt! How much of my childhood was my fault? Therefore, how much of Christ's suffering was MY fault? I can sit here and say that none of my abuse was my fault, but I have not yet really believed this yet. I think much struggling and soul searching is yet to come.

TeeJay
 
I have not watched the movie, and do not intend to. I am sorry that it triggered flashbacks, and even guilt feelings. I feel, I have enough of those feelings anyway, I do not need some movie to trigger them. (Also, I still don't fully understand a lot of movies or television in English, you all talk too fast!)

I have a friend, a fellow survivor, that two different mutual friends have referred to as 'Christ-like'. I will take my inspiration from him, and hope to be like that someday.

leosha
 
I saw it twice. Once on a date. Hows that for an unusual date movie.

I was moved near to tears. I don't cry, I am the strong silent type and keep a tight rein on certain emotions. But I was moved some by the movie.

The part that moved me the most was the part where Jesus has stumbled and his mother comes near. He picks up the cross again with force of his will. Scenes like that always move me. Kind of like the Scene in Rocky where Rocky is down and people are telling him to stay down, but he gets up anyway.

One of the emotional things I keep a tight hold on is my relationshipo with God. I don't share that with my mother who is perhaps the person I am most close to. It is something so personal, I don't feel like sharing with her. Kind of like relationships. I keep that kind of stuff tight to me.
 
I saw "The Passion" with my Hollie, my best friend who I am gaga for. I was moved to tears, as was she. After the movie, we just sat for a few minutes in total silence. She asked me if I was okay, and I asked the same of her.
The most suprising part for me is that I was not ashamed of my tears and did not attempt to hide it. This is REAL progress. I TRUST her!!!!!! I have never let myself become emotional, al least weepy, in front of a non-family member.
 
Art,

What you have written makes a lot of sense to me. Thanks for relating an response to seeing the movie that I have not yet heard.

It is no wonder, I think, that we have trouble releasing our will to a power higher than ourselves. I have only to ask myself what the number one thing was that my abusers took away from me. It was control over my own person. How can I let go of what I have regained of that?

Its been a long journey to get to a point where I can begin to "let go, let God."

I plan not to see the movie. For me, the message of the Gospels is about the resurrection and what it means in the largest possible sense. It is not made more meaningful for me by putting it together with the suffering that preceeded it.

Frankly, such suffering of those arrested by the Romans was not at all unusual. They were a brutal people, especially towards non-Romans who threatened their power.

Jesus' was a revolutionary, as I see it, setting forth a radical change in the way we live and think about the world. I think that very few of us are able or willing to follow him.

Who can let go of everything? It is a great accomplishment for survivors to someday be able to let go of those effects of abuse which bind us and prevent us from experiencing the happy lives that we deserve.
 
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