I'm super uncomfortable being honest about my abuse story even in 12 step rooms
If I could delete this thread, I would.
I'm uncomfortable my abuse and orientation backstory. I'm don't know if I was ever a "sex addict" as much as an abuse victim. I want to connect with other people and I'm very guarded. I get jealous when I hear other guys in 12 step sex addiction rooms because they've done more with their lives than I have and I believe a lot is due to the abuse that went through and then acted out on. Most guys in these rooms weren't acting out based on their abuse or it seems like most guys have done more with their lives - careers, families, homes than I have.
I'm trying to condense what I was getting at. My sex history involves getting aroused from abuse and then acting on it and I'm ashamed of it. I want to be honest where I can. It is the thing I'm most afraid people will know about me. I've held back from being honest but I don't know where to start being honest besides here. I've spent a lot of time in 12 step rooms around sex addiction and it feels like I should be able to be honest there but i'm wondering if I'd be let down. I guess it's important what I'm looking for and knowing that upfront.
I'm tired, exhausted really, of trying to manage an image.
I'm uncomfortable my abuse and orientation backstory. I'm don't know if I was ever a "sex addict" as much as an abuse victim. I want to connect with other people and I'm very guarded. I get jealous when I hear other guys in 12 step sex addiction rooms because they've done more with their lives than I have and I believe a lot is due to the abuse that went through and then acted out on. Most guys in these rooms weren't acting out based on their abuse or it seems like most guys have done more with their lives - careers, families, homes than I have.
I'm trying to condense what I was getting at. My sex history involves getting aroused from abuse and then acting on it and I'm ashamed of it. I want to be honest where I can. It is the thing I'm most afraid people will know about me. I've held back from being honest but I don't know where to start being honest besides here. I've spent a lot of time in 12 step rooms around sex addiction and it feels like I should be able to be honest there but i'm wondering if I'd be let down. I guess it's important what I'm looking for and knowing that upfront.
I'm tired, exhausted really, of trying to manage an image.
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