i'm struggling

[bec]

hello men:

it has been a while since i posted on this site. but, i have been visiting regularly. i need to get this out.

i am wondering if i am heading toward bottom. i have no job, no friends, no partner, little selfesteem, and little emotional support. sometimes i struggle with suicidal thoughts.

for some time now i have been dealing with BAD constipation. i have sat on the toilet and strained myself into a "large hemoroid" (those were the doctor's words) and at least one hernia near my belly button.

with care and medicine the 'roid went away but not the hernia. a couple of days ago i had a very bad bowel movement. it hurt alot to pass my feces. it was so hard and dry and large. i had to strain much to push it out. i was afraid to clean up fearing i'd find another hemoroid or worse. by God's grace there was none. but, i am still sore some 43 hours later. i have had to use laxative for some weeks now and i am afraid of becoming dependent on it.

i have seen the doctor more than once and have made my diet healthier and try to drink lots of water. but, little is helping.

at this point i suspect this ongoing constipation is a symptom of my mental illness. i recall someone saying that symptoms are blessings. they are the way that our subconscious mind tells the conscious mind that all is not well. the way that our subcons. mind crys out for help. WOW. yes, we certainly need help.

we have thought about continuing talk therapy at the local mental health clinic but we have not followed through. we had a bad experience our last time. we felt like the therapist betrayed us. sharing our deep thoughts, emotions and insecurities with a person we just met is not easy for us.

we wish to attend a 12step meeting in 2 hours to gain some support. we pray we follow through with it.

we may soon have to find out if continuing therapy will help ease this constipation. believe me men, it is really frightening and painful. say a prayer for me if you will. i definitely will be praying. OK men, that is all for now. thanks for reading this. sincerely,


bec

 

[The Dean]

Yikes bec, I am sorry to hear of the pain you have had and the hernia you have now gotten. For me, my depression, when at its worst, had me with the runs and incontinent. I was finally sent away for treatment.

Has your physician ordered stool softeners for you? There really are a number of ways to treat this problem, without tearing up your insides.

We are often told to eat fresh fruits and veggies but that did not work for me. What did work for me was a mostly liquid diet, warm soups that were thin, and ofcourse the water. I eventually got to flavoring the water with ice tea or some form of non sugared stuff. Water is great but it does get boring.

If this keeps up you need to see a Gastroenterologist, whether or not your MD refers you. They are the experts on this sort of thing.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Bob