I'm so lonely

I'm so lonely
O

onlyakid

My abuse has taught me to cope by isolating myself. But after 15 years of having few friends, all of whom are on the internet and with whom I hardly ever do anything with, I am very lonely.

I was on IM with a good friend of mine and she was talking about a friend of hers who is just an acquaintance of mine. She had talked about how she was going to a housewarming party at his new apartment. I felt so left out. But I knew we weren't really friends, not that he hates me but just that we just don't hang out or anything. Again come to think of it I don't hang out with many people, mostly just my friend Joyce and only every so often because she lives 1 1/2 hours away.

I know I need to work these issues out (of my abuse) so that I can feel comfortable making more friends.

Jason
 
Jason,

I offer friendship even if it is only a "cyper friendship."

Make friends. I know that can be very frightening, so start with baby steps. Start by just saying "hi" to somebody. Say "hi" every day untill you get up the courage to say more.

I know that this might not be quite the right advice for you because expert I'm not. But, I believe the concept is there when it comes to making friends. Go slow, that's ok. Push yourself outside your comfort zone if only just a little bit, that's the only way it will expand.

Hang in there my friend

Darrel
 
Jason,

An abused boy learns that the world is not safe and that he can be hurt in the most terrible ways, and his conclusion from this is that he is bad and worthless - good for nothing but sexual abuse. No wonder he finds it difficult to make friends. He is convinced that he doesn't deserve true friends, so when they appear he rejects them and wonders what do they really want.

As Darrel says, getting past this requires going slow and keeping emotionally safe - small steps. But you can do it.

Friends here are internet entities, sure, but hey bro, I'm a real guy too, sitting here in my jeans and Gibson T-shirt with a cup of coffee on a shitty rainy day! ;)

Our access to each other is through cyberspace, but we are all real people and all really with you.

Much love,
Larry
 
ALONE I AM, BUT NOT LONELY

Alone
I shall walk everyday
Alone
I shall die one day.

Alone I sit by the river
and look at my reflections.
Alone I watch
the little waves of joy
and of pain.

Sometimes, I meet people
who greets me
sometimes they teach me
new things about me.
Sometimes they open me up
to my own
new possibility.

And yet I am still alone
walking incessantly
towards thee.

As I sit alone
he sits alone too,
quietly within me.
 
It is beneficial to start healing before getting into a solid friendship. It's not like you can't be a friend, its just you have things in the way. I agree in baby steps. It's good though that you recognize what you don't have and that you want it. Good goals like that helps you get through the hard stuff.
 
The best way to have friends is to become friendly, and the best way to do that is to FIRST become friendly with my self.

Its like, we find true love only when we fall in love with ourselves, otherwise our mates would be just as half baked versions of themselves, as we are. And that would break our heart. So to avoid that happening repeatedly, wait, work on your self, heal.

Believe me when you start loving yourself completely, friendship and love would seek you, instead of other way around.

Just as everything, our loneliness too has reason, our protection. When we are ready to face the world, you'd woutomatically find people coming towards you. Till then you will have to make do with these virtual friends like us.

So have patience, as I would, listen to the message that life is trying to give me - work on yourself. Look at me, I am sitting here every day, baking myself quietly!
 
The best way to have friends is to become friendly, and the best way to do that is to FIRST become friendly with my self.

Its like, we find true love only when we fall in love with ourselves, otherwise our mates would be just as half baked versions of themselves, as we are. And that would break our heart. So to avoid that happening repeatedly, wait, work on your self, heal.

Believe me when you start loving yourself completely, friendship and love would seek you, instead of other way around.

Just as everything, our loneliness too has reason, our protection. When we are ready to face the world, you'd automatically find people coming towards you. Till then you will have to make do with these virtual friends like us.

So have patience, as I would, listen to the message that life is trying to give me - work on yourself. Look at me, I am sitting here every day, baking myself quietly!
 
Jason, you're a good person. There's always someon here to talk to, who will certainly understand that particular problem. I was a teacher and the staff would stand in the teacher's lounge after conferences and plan to go out together and they wouldn't invite me, and I would cry all the way home. It's tough. I'm sure that if I had gone up to them and said I wanted to go, I would have been welcome. Some of those people became some of my best friends later. But I didn't know how to do that.
Doesn't make it any easier for you that I had problems, but maybe it helps that it isn't just you...a lot of it is this thing that we all share that we're trying as hard as we can to heal from.

Friendship will happen, Jason. It's not easy now, but it will. I'm still not good at making myself part of a group. I will still stand back and wait to be asked rather than just assume that I'm part of what is going on. But I'm better, because I've started to assume that people would want to be around me, because I'm a great guy. (See, I don't really believe that totally, but I sort of do on some level, and if I believe that on any level, there's a chance, well you catch my drift.)
It'll happen, Jason. It really will. But, when you need or want to talk, don't forget that we're here and that we're great talkers.

Bobby
 
Jason a long time ago we retreated into ourselves because of what happened to us. It was a trust issue that was smashed and we learned to keep to ourselves and we built walls to protect ourselves. This is how we coped. And it did keep us alive. But it deprived us of a basic human need. And that is to have friends and , as scary as it may seem to us, to feel the warmth of a friends touch. Whether it be a slap on the back or a hug or anything else. We are born to be social and to be together in groups. When we built those walls around us we also made it a prison for ourselves. This was because of the action of sick perps. We made the prison and that is definitely to their advantage. Why? Because we keep our mouths shut.

Now those walls can be breached and eventually shattered but it takes time and a lot of work and risk taking. But it is something we all must do at some time. As has been said take baby steps. We have to learn what, to us, was a natural part of life. But believe me it is worth it.

Just a thought. But maybe go to the party with your friend. Or maybe a phone call to the other person offering congratulations. Remember "Baby Steps"
 
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