I'm so damn weak

I'm so damn weak
E

EGL

Registrant
Many of you know my mother has been trying to get me to open up to her about what is going on with me. I had called her tonight and she went into it again: "We need to talk, I love you, I want to know what's going on with you, etc." I told her I would think on it and we'd talk in the next few days. So, it looks like I'm going to have to spread it all on the table. I feel like a dog that's been cornered and is being poked with a stick. I'm not looking forward to this.
 
Eddie:
It may help you to read the following article and write out the piece about disclosure before you talk to your mother.

https://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adult%20Survivors/Articles/singer3.htm

Ken
 
Thanks, Ken. As soon as I posted the above I printd out the article and went and laid down in bed to read it and think on it. I took a double-does of Xanax tonight, so my thinking is a little cloudy at the momennt, I just feel so helpless now, like I know this is going to happen now. From reading your article above, the point that stood out to me is tht the disclosure should be for the victims benefit. I'm not feeling very benefited in any of this. Actually, I'm feeeling terrified. I know this ois going to go so badly, my mother is going to fall to pieces in front of me and i'm going to feel bad for having done it all. It's the self-blame things again, all my fault I guess. I'm feeling like my destruction is becoming complete and everyone who had a hand it willl now be able to claim there vitory.
 
EGL,

it sounds like she really means good. THAT is a good thing. However, no one have the right to push us to tell anything.

It is of course your choice, whether to talk with her or not. I know that choice is not something we are use to. But it is something you have now.

Perhaps you can tell her, 'Thank you, I know you mean well. Thank you for that. Right now, I am not ready to talk about it. I need to deal with it more on my own. But thank you for showing me that you will be here for me when I am ready'. Something like that?

I wish you luck, whatever happen with it.

Leosha
 
Hey Eddie,
Wow, I'm sorry about the pressure you're under. I'm sure there's no advice I can give that would help, since I believe disclosure is such a personal decision. Just do what you feel is right for you.

Take care
 
If you are feeling cornered or forcet to talk to your mom about your abuse, then it is probably not the right time to have that talk.

As victums, we had control of our lives taken away from us. As survivors, we have to take back that control.

If you want to talk to your mom about it, then talk to her. But if not, tell her politely to back off. Something as simple as, "Mom, please don't bring this up again. If and when I have something I want to tell you, I will. Until then, it is my business, so let it go!"

Getting into this discussion with her, at a time when you are not ready, isn't likely to be any good for either of you. I had that talk with my mom at the wrong and it went bad. Maybe that is why I am advising caution.

But I really believe that the best possible thing for you is to take control of the situation. Set your own schedule. It is better that you disagree with your mom over what you won't say, than over things that neither of you meant to say.

Aden
 
Eddie,

The most important thing for you to remember at this time is that this is your recovery. It works best when you do what you can and are ready to do.

I feel like a dog that's been cornered and is being poked with a stick.
Click to expand...
This conversation, IMHO, should take place only when you are ready. Feeling cornered indicates it is not the right time.

Perhaps you could try and say something like this: "Mom, I know you love me and only want to know what's going on because you do love me. But I am still sorting it out myself. Could I come to you when I have that done?"

That lets her know you appreciate her and puts off the discussion until you are ready and then let's her know you want to talk when you can. No hurt feelings and no pressure.

Marc
 
Eddie,

There's no weakness in choosing to talk about it on your own terms.

Actually, when it comes right down to it, it's a sign of strength. You're establishing your own comfort level.

I think it's to be admired, as are you.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
we all have weakness - and they are as individual as each of one of us - your strength is apparent in your ability to come here and talk about it-

this 'weakness' that you claim - seems more like
a bind -
 
you can tell your mother you have changed your mind and you are just not ready to talk to her -

it is your right to express as you want to -

she has to respect that - whether she is willing or not - she has no choice -

YOU DO
 
when she says "we need"

it is more "her need"

"your need" is to have "some space" to get
strong -
 
There's nothing wrong with saying that you are not ready yet to tell her. You have the power to tell her what you want WHEN you want. Postponing what you are not ready to do is your option.
Ken

PS You are not weak.
 
I composed an e-mail to my mother tonight and sent it off (below). Didn't want to do this face to face or over the phone. I'm hoping she'll give me some breathing room on this now. Been sick to my stomach pretty much all evening.

Ive been thinking a lot about what we talked about last night, and I know you have too. I know you love me and I know youre concerned. Im sorry all this is affecting you, since its my problems and things I need to be dealing with. Im just not at a point that I can talk about it yet. Its a lot of stuff going back a long ways, involving several people. Ive never dealt with it, always just trying to stuff it in the back of my brain. Its flowing back out now, and I can see how its affected how I relate with others. You know about some of it already, but theres a lot of it you dont. Melissa is understanding, and Ive also been getting some other help. I promise that when I feel comfortable enough talking about it, I will. Im in control of things right now, and thats where I need to be, to feel like Im in control. Please dont worry about it though, Im dealing with it and feel better now than when this all starting unraveling on me.

I love you,
Eddie
 
Eddie that was a very good email and I think your mother will understand that it will be in your own good time.

Meanwhile my brother stick around and walk with us ok? ;)
 
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