im so angry!!! (triggers)

im so angry!!! (triggers)
C

camron

Registrant
god damn im so angry, and sad! I dont know why! its all F****d up now, I want to kill him , I want to kill everyone around me, its not fair im so unhappy yet this world keeps moving! I hate god for this, there is no god! not for me! this is s**t! I feel like im torn now, im so angry and hurt, im hurt, hurting still, I want to leave, but im scared to. Keep posting keep posting, I will I will keep posting, till this rage is gone, ill keep going, because im gonna. Dont know what im saying now, im too f****d up to care, whats the use in saving life when you see what people do with it? im gonna, how dare they ! how dare they the two of them! I get away from one then another comes to the house im living in! b*****ds both of them, one of us needs to die, whether it be one of them or me, it'll be better. Im ready to hurt, im so angry, its killing me. protect life untill death, thats what ill do, protect life , until death.

this is as far as my rage goes, no one will be hurt by it, but its got to go somewhere!!
 
Cameron,

I'm struggling with the same thing, in addition to the sadness and utter depression I've felt too.

I'm glad it's not going anywhere except in your head and out your keyboard. As much as I think it'd be worth it, sacrificing your own humanity for revenge isn't worth the price you pay.

I'm a comic book fan, so I think of "Batman" when I get angry. Brutal, scary m**********r, yes, but he stated "there's a line even I don't cross!" Yes, so it has to be for us.

We're better than that, my friend, but you knew that already.

Hang on, my friend, you care so deeply. It proves you're the man these @$$holes can NEVER be.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
camron,
my brother scott touched on a common thread he and i share, the comic book heros. my favorite is spiderman. the quote i live my life by is "with great power, comes great responsibility". seems cheesy, but for me, that concept has helped me at times in keeping my rage in perspective. the trauma we all went through never should have happened, but what it did do was give us tools of survival and insight not matched by those fortunate enough to not have experienced what we did. for me, and i do mean for my perception alone, the trauma gave me gifts i would not have had otherwise (i do not wish this gift giving on anyone, of course). the point, is that since i did experience this, and i did develop the skills i have to survive, it has given me something i can utilize to help others, as well as myself.

your rage is justified, camron, just be careful. i am here.
 
Camron - whatever you do, please don't leave this site unless you really need to (we will be here for you now or at a later date).

You are frightened by the strength of your rage - I was concerned that I could not generate rage!

You say that you hate God, I do not even know if there is a God (many people here draw much strength from their belief in God, so I reserve judgement - this faith also helps many people).

I feel that hurt, but I am learning to channel it where it belongs....believe in yourself Camron, for that is the best place that we begin to heal.

It can and does happen.....please allow me to feel some of that rage that you generate & I will send you some of that peace that I am starting to find. Let's try and level out a bit, let's live - they are the ones that should loose (we deserve so much better).

Lots of support and good vibes... Rik
 
**********(TRIGGERS.)********************************************************

I am not going to be firghtened by my rage im going to use it to hurt that son of a b***h that came near me in my friends house if he comes near me again, I cant get the other one but if that guy comes near me or touches me again I will hurt him.This sucks. what a s**t life if made for myself, what a hopeless case, forget happy, for get everything, I should be locked up im going crazy I know it, i must be, you know what I thought today? I thought it'd would be so easy to put myself out of my misery, just cut and bleed, but no I stayed because there must be somthing that keeps me here, I dont know what it is yet, my desire for revenge? to find someone who will love me for me, and not the whore that I was or am? I dont know but when I do find it, i'll embrace it.
 
Camron, as strange as it sounds, it is good you can feel and feel strongly. Some of us numb out and cannot feel at all, we could break a bone and not know it. So you are ahead, even though it does not feel that way.

Feel the anger as longs as it helps--when it does not help anymore you won't have so much rage. I am not sure how that works but it does.

Bob
 
Camron,

I think it is good thing, that you can feel such anger and rage, and be able to deal with it in a good way. For a long time, I did not think I feel anger. Of course, I did, but I took it out at myself. I have another friend who did not feel anything at all, good or bad, for long time. He still does not feel anger. You are healthy, I think, to feel it, because it is appropriate, and you sound as you are dealing better with it then many will. Just please continue to deal with it in productive way, not in way that will cause you hurt. Keep coming here, post as much you need to. It is safe thing to do.

Leosha
 
Camron,
there must be somthing that keeps me here
Click to expand...
I think that there is something in each of us who would come to this place, who would tell someone what was done to us. There is something which even the abusers could not destroy. Sometimes I believe it's hope. It's not the same as anger or spite. It's something we kept inside and protected all through the abuse and its repurcussions. It's the thing that makes us survivors.

I think I'm jealous of your anger, if that's possible. I'm glad for you that you can feel it and let it rip.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Camron. You said:
I dont know what it is yet, my desire for revenge? to find someone who will love me for me, and not the whore that I was or am?
Click to expand...
Maybe you were brother but not now. That was a coping mechanism pure and simple. It was difficult for me too when I got off the street. I was a male whore for three years.

That I am not now nor are you.
 
Camron

You were not a whore you did the same as me and I did it to stay alive. Thats the bottom line.

Im really pleased you can deal with your anger in a positive way. I have yet to learn that!

Regards
Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
"Scream, shout, let it all out"

who sang that ? whoever it was made a lot of sense !

Dave
 
Dave - you won't believe it, but it was Tears for Fears

Rik
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top