i'm pissed off

i'm pissed off
midnight51

midnight51

If you're sensative to vulgar language don't read this
------------
I'm pissed off. PISSED PISSED PISSED PISSED. I like to cuss, that's what I do; I get angry and just let it fly. Because HONESTLY, the word FUCK has so much more emphasis than some stupid cheesy limp word like DARN or DANG. I'm just pissed off. Pissed about my life; pissed because all I do is sleep and won't get out of bed for anything. I'm pissed off that I'm failing all of my classes this quarter and really could give a fuck less. I'm PISSED not only that I'm failing but I'm more pissed because I JUST DON'T CARE. I don't care about a single fucking thing. I don't care about a single fucking thing because my head just won't stop spinning in fucking circles and I can't think straight for more than a 2 minute span. I'm pissed off that my life is ruined. I'm pissed off that it's next to impossible for me to get close to another human being. I'm pissed off that I feel like the world is a fucking disaster zone and nothing is ever safe. I'm pissed off that it's difficult for me to be nice to people and even more difficult for me to accept that someone is being nice to me. You know why? Because deep down I have this fucked up preconception that when I let people close to me they'll just fucking try to stab me in the back. I'm pissed off that I'm afraid of dumb things. I'm pissed off that my Dad isn't in my life anymore. I'd love to sit down and play chess with him again or drink a beer by the fire and talk about random garbage. Most of all I'm pissed off that I'm pissed off. I'M PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD. That's what a couple of friends have told me. "You're always pissed at the world," or, "I've never seen you happy." I'm pissed off that people say those things to me and I find it impossible to do anything about it. Whatever, fuck it.
 
midnight,
you seem a little miffed my friend. sorry, could not resist the understatement. i agree with your second line that the one word as so much more power and satisfaction than the other two choices. i am also pissed off. trust me, i would love to capitalize that but i hate to yell :) . i am going through a really bad time right now as well and it is dragging my gpa down to a place i haven't seen since my freshman year so many years ago. i hate what is going on right now. i want so much to go and confront the woman who did so much damage to her children (mom) so badly that i know it would be a huge mistake to do so. the only thing we can do at times like this is to rant and rave in a safe place with people who will not judge us. as we rant and rave we have the entire brotherhood here as our "amen corner". rave on safely, midnight. that yell ypu just heard was my "AMEN!!!"
 
Midnight,

Yeah, I know what you mean about being p.o.ed. Just last Friday in my therapist's office, I had a major temper explosion; my internal perps immediately sidetracked me into saying my life is a mess, it is all fscked up, it is loveless, it has no purpose, yada, yada, yada. My therapist immediately called me on it. She said I have a right to be angry. I'm supposed to repeat to myself now when I am tempted to go to that place of despair: "I have plenty of love and plenty of purpose."

I also know about the sliding gpa. When I was a senior in college, I strove so hard to keep my gpa up; I quite literally broke emotionally and physically. I wound up with continuous cluster headaches for eighteen months! I couldn't sleep for days at a time. I was lucky to think straight for two minutes. I had to take incompletes on an entire semester's worth of classes and make it up. I did graduate, but there are times when I see it as a herculean effort. I get tired just remembering it. Right now, brother, be gentle with yourself. I was not with myself and it broke me.

Tom
 
Midnight,

I actually kind of admire those of you who can voice your anger, really act out, verbally at least.

I tend to hold it in, suppress it. So, I say let it out. You do have the right to be angry. And if people notice you are angry and comment on it, good. What good is invisible anger?

I gave up college after a year, just couldn't take it. As I look back it was not all that demanding but at the time, it seemed impossible. From what I observe it has gotten a great deal more stressful. So, your stress is natural.

Everybody reacts differently to stimulus anyway.
Break things down into small manageable parts. Try to take them one at a time. And, remember to breathe.

Brett.
 
Midnight

I too can feel your pain, and while I too have difficulty expressing my anger, I too belief there is a powerful purpose for anger. And while your firends are staying that you are always angery, try and envision a way to use that anger, can you cannel it into a force for change. I am remebering a quote from some of my writing I do for my self.

Anger is better. There is a presence in Anger.

Toni Morrison

Hang on...your path will find you

Paul
 
Hello Midnight!

As the guys say, this is a good place to vent to the whole www. It feels good to get it out.

I am not at all concerned about the anger--but I am saddened to see you losing the excitement of life. You write like a very depressed person--I guess I should say, what you write is how I felt when I was getting really down low in depression.

Sometimes talk is not enough to help us. Are you taking any anti-depressants. If you are, you may talk to your doctor about changing the dose or f try another one. I had a hell of a histopry with medications until I came to a "cocktail" that seems to work real well for me now.

I really hope you find zest for life, for your studies, and real pride in being who you are.

Let us know if we can be of help in anyway.

Bob
 
Go honest anger!!!

Let it out, I can relate.

About the gpa...there are more important things in life BUT, sometimes there are folks on campus who can make reality a little more user friendly. Is there a Dean of Students or Chaplain or somebody like that you think you might be able to talk to? I am NOT suggesting they can solve all our problems or even that you should tell them everything. I just know that lots of schools have options other than failing for folks who are justifiably unable to cope with coursework for a term or so. They can give you time to take care of yourself without giving up what you have accomplished so far.


I know its dumn to give such mundane advice, but I get the sense that, in spite of all your anger at the the world and your academic apathy, you actually do care. If not caring bothers you even a little bit, then something inside still cares, right?

I'll shut up now, they are your feelings, after all.

For what it is worth, I have found this to be a very safe place.
 
Jeff,

It is amazing how sometimes the simplest things can help the most. When I was told that some simple vigorous exercise like walking would help I didn't believe it. (What do my legs have to do with my head?) But its the endorphins of course. There have been times that it feels almost like my feet are pounding holes in the sidewalk but before I'm done I feel a lot better.

Brett
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top