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aceofdiamonds

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hello. I'm 23 years old and was abused by my stepmother when I was about 10-13. Most of it was psychological sexual abuse but there was some physical. Although it's mostly my fault or at least she made it seem like it was my fault. I'm a virgin and can't even get close to a woman without feeling tremendous anxiety.

when I say psychological sexual abuse I mean she used to tell me how I was going to go to hell for having sexual thoughts how I was a pervert and would probably end up a molestor. that I was filthy.

there's much more to my story. I hope you all can help me.

pleasure to meet all of you
 
I hope that we can help you too.
:)
 
Hey Ace,
I'm 25, my brother abused me between the ages of 12-15. There are alot of cool people around here that have gone thru similar situations and can share feelings. I'm new here as well so I can't really offer much advice as of yet but your on the right track dealing with these issues.

If you don't have a therapist, you really need to get one, this site is a good support method but is not a replacement for therapy. If you need suggestions try looking at the male survivor directory thats where I found mine (Ken Singer he's a mod on this board), and he is really helping me.

Jason
 
Hi Mike and Jason. I'd post my name but I don't feel comfortable doing that yet. I do have a therapist. I have an individual therapist and I go to group therapy for depression. Once I get off my lazy behind and make an appointment with my doctor I'll also have meds for my anxiety and depression. But I have just began to touch on my sexual abuse with my individual therapist.

My mother died when I was 6 so when my stepmom came along I thought of her as a replacement. boy was I wrong. I know mine wasn't as bad as some of you, but I feel ashamed and filthy nonetheless.
 
Hi Ace
I am a 27 year old survivor. I must tell you, it was not your fault! I finally realized I was a victim, and I was innocent of wrog doing, and it was like a weight has been lifted off of me.
Congrats on finding this site and for seeking help. The brothers here are truly awesome men, and hopefully we can help you, and you us. We are like a big family, welcome to the fold.
Casey
 
Hey Ace - Sorry for your abuse but glad you're here. I am not in my 20's. It took me 'til I was 42 to recognize my abuse as abuse. Glad you posted and are seeking help and support. I hope you discover we survivors have experienced much of the same insanity, pain and hurts. You are not alone!! I encourage you to continue posting, reading articles on the site and getting out the stuff that's messed up your past! We are here for one another!!

Howard
 
Hello Ace,

I'm new here myself. But in the few days I have been here, I have known such support.

Welcome and know that you are not alone. We are with you.

Marc
 
Ace,

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm very glad you found this place.

If there's one thing I want you to take away from here, it's this. IT WAS NEVER, EVER YOUR FAULT. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF OR BLAME YOURSELF FOR.

This is something I have to tell myself everyday. Funny, isn't it? We're kids when a lot of this stuff happens, and our abusers turn it around in our heads to make US the abuser when WE are the ones who were abused.

You are not responsable, my brother. You were an innocent.

You are a unique, special individual who had a great deal of crap handed to him. You are a wonderful human beaing, and I can't wait to see what you have to say, because I know it's going to be all good.

Alway remember to be gentle with yourself. You're starting down a long road, but you are starting to heal. It's going to be rough, and I'd be lying to you if I said it's going to be easy and always pleasant. It won't. But with the right kind of support and therapy, you will recover and you will be the person you KNOW you are.

The brothers here are a valuable source of information and wisdom. Never forget to keep posting when you have questions or just need to let it out. This board can save your life, if you let it. I know it's saved mine.

Now, when I meet someone here for the first time, I always say something that I think you need to hear. We haven't heard it enough in our lives. But it can also be a little off-putting. Please know, though, that I mean it in the real, pure sense. I love you, my brother. There are no strings attached to that, and I expect nothing in return.

Peace and love. I expect to hear great things from you. And welcome.

Scot
 
Welcome Ace! This place, with the men here was a terrific push to my getting a lot of help. You are among understanding friends. Your step mother is a candidate for the world's greatest liar award!

Bob
 
***might be triggering***

well the reason I say it is my fault is because when I was about 9 I was hanging out with my stepbrother and we were playing house and we started talking about sex which we were pretty much clueless on at the time and my stepmother heard us and from that time forward I think she wanted to get back at me. That's why she believed I was a pervert. One time there was this stain on my bathroom wall which was old orange juice spots I had spilled there and she assumed it was semen cause of course I'm that disgusting that I would masturbate onto the wall lol.

I also had encopresis as a kid which if you don't know I basically couldn't control my sh*t like literally lol. Like the circuit in my brain that works my bowels wasn't working. So when she would walk by my room she would stick her neck up and sniff. It was very degrading. She would also keep me in my room and not let me out except to eat because I was dirty and might mess up the furniture or whatever.

I just remember being constantly afraid of her like always watching my back. My dad is an airline pilot so he is gone for days at a time and when he was around, my stepmom was a COMPLETELY different person. So I would dread when my dad would leave. Naturally when he would call, I would be all miserable and so my dad would ask my stepmom what was wrong and she would scold me and tell me to act like everything was fine.

God, I hate that bitch!
 
Ace - like everyone else here, I can tell you that it's not your fault! Your step mother sounds like a right evil cow.

You'll find strength here....best wishes ...Rik
 
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