I'm New. Scared. & In need of advice, guidance?

I'm New. Scared. & In need of advice, guidance?
L

lipsticklullabies

Registrant
sooo hi im Josh.
I'm 17.. gonna be a senoir next year, ahh.
as if thats not scarey enough...

so. since about eighth grade ive known SOMETHING happened to me when I was little.
At first I was remember this thing that happened with my brother when i was about ten.
I always felt like it was more like, "ill show you mine if you show me yours" kind of thing.
it was a little more than that.
but, nothing to bad.
it didnt bother me until about freshmen year.
this past winter i had a lot of memories come back..
and it started bothering me hardcore.
so for a couple months ive been like, i cant beleive my brother would do these things to me blahblahblah
but
now
today, i was pretty sick so i was sleeping on my bestfriends bed and I was thinking about how when I was younger, I couldn't spend the night at friends houses because I would get really homesick.
and i was thinking about the first time I got homesick and i was thinking wow, thats just random how I just suddenly was in kenny and kalebs living room and just started crying..
well i thought about it harder
and i remembered how i used to hate being at their house (they lived next door..we were bestfriends since they were four and i was five)
then i remembered how ive always wondered if their dad ever touched them because of..lots of reasons, some mentioned below.
i remembered how their dad always told us we didnt have to wear our shirts.
how i used to be really scared of him.
how kenny and kaleb thought it was completely normal to sleep in just their underwear or, naked..
remembered the things they used to say..about things...that were inappropriate..
so
basically im thinking it was there dad.
not my brother.
which i guess had me a little relieved but
how do i know this time that im pinning this on the right person.
how do i know any of this shit even happened.
im so confused
i feel like anything i think, ive made up.
i dont know how to deal with this
or what to think
or anything.

thanks for reading this entire long bullshit post.
you probably think im nuts now,

//josh
 
Hi Josh,

I guess the first thing to do is say welcome to this place. I'm sorry about what happened that makes you come here and ask these questions, but I'm glad you found us. You'll find a bunch of us old guy around, some your age, and even a few that are younger. We're all here for the same reason you are, because we need help in figuring out all the stuff from the past and to recover from it. The stuff that happened to us hurt our spirit, our inner self, and we want to heal that hurt.

Thanks for having the courage to ask your questions. Your post in not bullshit, and none of us will think you're nuts, because we've asked those same questions. What you ask is very normal for someone to ask who's been through what you have. Many of us have had foggy memory of exactly what it was that happened to us, so you're not alone.

I guess what I am saying, Josh, is that the things you are feeling and thinking are normal for guys like us. The confusion, the questioning of our sanity, etc. You're sooo not alone.

It does get better a little bit at at time if you are willing to be honest and talk about it. Hang around and talk to us when you want to. Talk to the other teens here too. They're all great guys and working hard to work through this.

Remember, you are a worthwhile person. By speaking about the things that have happened and the fears you have, you have proved you have a lot of courage. Keep it up!

Safe Hugs,

John
 
Welcome and well done for having the courage to post and expose your story for all us strangers to read.

Like john said, its not bullshit. My first post was long and rambling, after a while you get a grip on whats what in things become clearer.

Read some of the other guys posts, specially mine, you'll soon see what rambling bullshit really is!!! :rolleyes: :D :) :rolleyes:
 
Hi Josh,

Welcome aboard. You will find this to be a very supportive place and there are definitely guys going through the same things you are.

TC

Nobby
 
Hi Josh,

Welcome. I have always known (I'm 34) that I was abused by a male cousin and 2 female neighbors since it began at 4. I have one brief memory before this time. In the last year I've had 3 episodes of "feelings" of something else happening. Long story short I may have been abused by someone else and I've blocked it out. Needless to say its thrown me in all directions. The plus side is that I have a therapist to work through all of this stuff and what seems to be new stuff. When I'm ready/more healthy it will surface ... it might be something entirely different ... not abuse ... it might be I've blocked out good memories to reinforce how bad my life has always seemed to be ... and having feelings of abuse of perhaps a better time is a mechanism to keep myself from becoming better ... time and hard recovery work will tell. But its something else I need to explore and work through.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Josh,

Welcome! I am sorry to hear that you were abused. It takes a ton of courage to face abuse and confusion caused by abuse. It sounds like you have good instincts in regard to protecting yourself from your brother and your neighbor. At times we ignore these feelings and end up getting abused again.

Do you have anyone that you talk to about what has happened to you and how you are feeling? It may be difficult to talk with your parents. Often, family members become upset and do not provide us with the support we need. Maybe, someone at school or if you attend sevices such as priest or rabbi?

Take good care of yourself and keep us posted about how you are doing. You are brave and will worrk this out.

Jaay
 
Josh,

If you are nuts, so am I.

Survived. That's what you have done.

I don't have a lot of advice except to say hang in there. You are with those who understand.

Hope we hear more from you. Stick around.

Marty
 
Josh,

It is so normal to have the sort of confusion in your head that you are talking about. Memories of traumatic events aren't stored in our brains like other memories are; they go in without "tags" for dates, for example, and sometimes even the "who" part is unclear. You aren't nuts at all; this happens all the time.

The point has been made above about whether or not you can talk to your parents about this. Or if not parents, some other safe adult. You really do need to have some adult support and someone to talk to, if that is at all possible.

I hope you will continue to hang in here with us and post as you can. Just get used to Male Survivor and find your own pace. No one here will push you or pressure you to say things. What you will find here is a lot of support and understanding. There are other teens here as well, and I am sure you guys will discover each other pretty fast.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hi Josh

I think I know how you feel when you say: "how do i know any of this shit even happened. im so confused i feel like anything i think, ive made up. i dont know how to deal with this". It's OK to be confused. In time you'll know how to deal with it. You can get lots of support from people here.

Take care, Tom.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top