Im new here

Im new here
C

cards

Registrant
I really dont know how to begin this. Ill just start out by saying hello.

I'm 21 years old. I'll finally have something going on with my life with me joining the airforce soon. I was sexually abused at the age of 4 by a neighbor who was 9. I guess he was molested as well. It probably would have continued if he had not moved away. I never told my parents back then about this because my father was an abusive alcholic towards my mother. One time i let out a bit of what happened. That night my dad beat my mother for some reason. I guess blaming her for not keeping an eye on me. They sstill dont know what really happened. He has changed and stopped drinking and doing this to my mother when i was around 9.

I had never thought about this. I guess i totally blocked it out of my mind. Till 2 years ago, i had told my ex girlfriend what had happened to me when i was younger. She has been the only one i have ever told about this. It felt a little good letting someone else know why i am the way i am. My whole life has been totally screwed up by that. I am anti social, and like most others that have this happen to them. I almost molested my sister. Luckily for me i didnt. I couldnt bare having myself doing that to her. I just was glad i didnt pass down this onto her. Or anyone else for that matter.

But this has ruined my trust with people. And why i never talk to anyone. It always has me questioning their friendly attitudes. I dont wanna tell my parents what happened to me. Nor do i want to get into therapy for it. I dont have the money and its just hard to talk to people in person. I guess this is why i found this place. And its alot easier to type all this out. I'm afriad this recent depression is gonna end up having me commit suicide. For some reason i want to live and see if maybe my life will have a happy moment.

I guess i've made this big enough.
 
Hi Cards and welcome to NOMSV
Thank you for entering the military. I hope your time is safe and that you find the Air Force a good experience for you. I was an auxiliary chaplain at an AF Base for two years--met lots of really good people there.
Talk all you want here. Join the chat room too when you can. I have found that sometimes medication for depression helps a lot. You do not need to go to a psychiatrist to get that. A good primary doc knows enough to give you something. Some thought has come out lately that people do as well without medication--that has not been true in my life but we are all different.
Cards, breaking the silence is a very freeing thing. Sounds to me like you have a loving and understanding girl friend. You have a bunch of brothers here that are the same way. I hope we hear from you a lot.
Take care Kid! Be safe.
Bob
 
Cards,

Welcome, i hope you find some comfort while your here, this is a good place to talk things over and let out some of your secrets. Breaking the silence and just putting things out there is a big step. So is the Air Force, I hope it turns out ot be a good choice for you, lots of opportunities there. Sure looks to me like your making some good choices for yourself and taking things head on, good for you.

I am glad your here.

John
 
Wow, thanks a lot for the support. I guess the reason i havent said anything about it to anyone was the fear of being ridiculed by it. It really isnt a thing you can just go out telling anyone.
 
Hi Cards,
Sorry to have to say this but WELCOME!!!! Your very brave, Im 34 and just now starting to get help with mine. Be stong and keep comming here it's a safe place to be. We are all brother's on one way or another. So ((((((((((hugs for you)))))))....and ^5's...........
 
Cards
Welcome to a safe and friendly place.

There's a lot of good help and support here from people just like yourself.
The most liberating thing about recovering from abuse is knowing that you're not the only one, it's a sad thing I know, but not being alone is a source of great strength.

Lloydy.
 
Cards;

You're very brave and very courageous to seek help and support at this stage in your life. I was well into my thirties to before I even began to walk this path toward healing. You have a great head start.

All of us here understand you and whatever "dark secrets" you harbor. My telling your story, and opening up to others, you will be able to shine a light into the dark corners of your soul and slowly, over time, rid yourself of the pain that causes your depression.

Please open up and ask question. Speak freely. Share with other and you will learn to trust again.

If you want to establish an e-mail dialogie I am happy to help.
 
cards check your profile

Have a good day !!!!!!!!!
 
Hey man, welcome to the madhouse. Dont give up, we dont deserve this kind of life. You will find that the longer you stay here, not only will you hear yourself being told that you are deserving of love and happiness, but youll start believing it a little at a time.

We have to deal with a lot more than being abused most of the time, we also have to deal with the messed up families and uncaring world that didnt protect us. (Most of us, some of us are very lucky to recieve support.) You have every right to be angry at your parents, there is no real way for a child to hide abuse, there is always some sign of something wrong. Your parents made an environment where it was unsafe to tell them about the abuse, and the likely hood that they would have done something is pretty close to nill. Now that you have admitted that it happened, you can begin to take back your life. If you stick with this, you will learn how to love and be loved, and will start to heal the damage that this has caused. Whatever happens, dont give up on yourself, you deserve to be heard.

There will be much pain and sorrow in your future now. When you first start dealing with the abuse, you will probably be such a mess that you wont know up from down. But hang on, even when things dont feel like they will get any better, they will. I wish you the rewards of life that will come to you when you have finished walking this painfull road.
 
Thats not far from the truth, broken. After i had told my ex girlfriend about what had happened to me. I just became a total mess. I would be depressed. And other times i would be myself again. I spent around 14 years having that memory blocked. I never gave it a thought. We never really talked about it. I guess just letting it out was as much as i could handle.

I still am a mess now that we're no longer together. I go from extremely sad when i think of her then i get distracted with something and i totally go back to being normal again.

I'll try and take up some of you on the email thing. But its just hard for me to talk about anything. Hence me being a loner nowadays. I just dont know how to talk about stuff like anyone else. I'm the quiet one in real life and online. I guess the reason i go on here is because i ramble on about stuff heh.
 
Hi Cards,
Welcome to a very helpful site. I have been a part of it for about a year now. I do not post much but there is not a day that goes by that I do not stop bye to read the posts. They are very helpful. I guess the reason I am writing today is because of your last post. It is me. I do not trust anyone. You have to prove yourself first before I feel comfortable around you. I am the quiet one at the parties and all other functions. I sit back and observe. I am afraid to talk. I am afraid that people will riducule me. I am even afraid to post here thinking people will make fun of what I wrote, so I don't write. I am starting to breakdown that barrier of not talking to people. In the last three years, the people I have informed of my abuse have gone from 5 to 30. It does make you feel better when you are able to talk about it. The problem is not everyone wants to hear it. Most of my family do not want to hear it, only 2 out of 7 are interested and supportive. The others, my parents mostly, are very defensive and throw it back at me that I did not do anything. I should have come to them and told them. I was abused by a teacher for 3 years from 7th grade thru 9th. My mom even has thrown it back in my face as why did I go back when I left the school after 8th grade. It hurts that my family is not there for me but I am realizing they have never been there. I can not choose my family but I can choose who I want to be around. I am babbling but it feels good to get it out.

Thanks Cards - your post has been very helpful to me.

Mike
 
It's a great thing to see that people respond in different ways to the posts on this site, some of us ramble on non stop, maybe too much ?
Others sit back and read what's going on, only occasionally posting. But hopefully gaining the same thing as us chatterboxes do, the support, the different views, and most importantly the contact with people just like "us".

The anonimity of sites like this makes it possible to express ourselves, talk about our hopes and fears. And if we can do it here, then surely we'll learn that we can deal with other people face to face.
We haven't got "sexualy abused" stamped on our foreheads, it's only stamped in our hearts and minds. And the more we talk the easier it gets.

Don't be strangers guys.
Lloydy :)
 
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