I'm new here...

I'm new here...
B

bc22

Registrant
I am new to this site and I just want to thank God for it!!! I was abused for years by a cousin when I was a small child. I never delt with it until 8 years ago when I found out that same cousin had approached and was having an affair with my wife. Everything came crashing down on me at once. I told my wife of my past abuse and then told her who it was and that I knew about them. Possible the most horrible experience of my life most likely saved it. My wife took solace in the arms of another because of my assorted crap. We jumped into therapy and my therpist did a nice "patch job" on me. I had small children at the time and my wife really pushed me to talk to my mom. I wasn't ready, but did it anyway, not telling her who the abuser was. My marraige was patched, but I felt dirty over telling my mother about my past. My wife told me later that my mom's blood pressure had shot up and I felt even more guilty. I shut that part down again under the false thought of being cured. It has resurfaced again 8 years later. My wife is tired of my zoning off, overreactions and being overly sensative. I finally sat down with her and told her details of what happened to me. I did the research and found out how good that was for me. This time, I am not taking shortcuts because I have to fix me to fix us. After reading as much as I have and after talking about things, for the first time since I can remember, I am starting to realize it isn't my fault. For the first time since I can remember, I don't hate the person in mirror. My wife is still emotionally unavailable to me and I am afraid I will concentrate more on that. I love my family with all that I am. I guess years of hating and blaming myself have taken its toll on my wife. I have always been good to her, just quirky emotionally. I am so glad to have found this site so I have people around me who understand and can help me. Sometimes, you just meed to vent, be heard, and I thank all of you for that! Please pray for me and my family!
 
Thank you and I do get good vibes from this place. I am learning that it is good to trust my instincts on people. Thanks again!!
 
Glad to hear it.
Not easy to trust your instincts I know, I still don't, not even here where no one has given me any reason at all not to trust them. But I'm working on it. But you can here, it's easy when everyone has been there ya know?
You're welcome
Jay
 
BC
Welcome aboard. sorry you need to be here, but we've all been where you are right now. I remember starting out this whole process it was so helpful that these guys know exactly how I feel and what I'm going through. Post as you progress. the support is like nothing else.
take care of yourself.
Paul
 
bc22,

Thanks for posting and welcome to the site. I know you will find a lot of support and understanding here, but just take it in your stride and get used to the place. There is so much to read and talk about here, and you will find you are with a great bunch of guys.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hey BC22 --

Welcome. I to am sorry you need to be here but there is much healing to be found here. It's a fertile place.

We all have to stop blaming ourselves!! I am really working on this now. It is so easy for me to take everything on and make everything my fault. But I remind myself not to, again and again.

Be well,

Jonathon
 
Hi,

not much more to say, and I am normally too lazy to welcome new members. :p

Take your time in this place, and dont be hurt,

ste
 
Thank you for your support. It is definately a one day at a time thing. Something I found out recently,( i have been doing a great deal of reading) is that I found a new denial 8 years ago. You admit it, do something about it, and then say,"I"m better". All you do is cover the pain and do not deal with the facts. I am not doing that this time. I know there will be ups and downs, but I plan to see it through and to truly reach my emotional potential. Thank you all for your support and kind works!!!
 
Thank you for your support. It is definately a one day at a time thing. Something I found out recently,( i have been doing a great deal of reading) is that I found a new denial 8 years ago. You admit it, do something about it, and then say,"I"m better". All you do is cover the pain and do not deal with the facts. I am not doing that this time. I know there will be ups and downs, but I plan to see it through and to truly reach my emotional potential. Thank you all for your support and kind words!!!
 
gee bc 22 i did the same thing what you said about the denial thing..now i am on my second go around in tjis healing thing...welcome
 
Welcome to here. I am very sorry it is necessary for you to be here.

I hope that you continue in therapy, not for anyone else other then yourself. You are the one who deserves it. And I hope that you are gentle with yourself as you follow this journey. It is a 'rough road' but I think it is well worth it.

I will wish you continued good luck.

Leosha
 
Hey friend,

Welcome here. Im so glad youve already received some great support. Its what this place is all about. It sounds like youve been pushed into recovery stuff by others and yourself when youve not been ready. Im sorry that has happened.

It sounds like youve gotten a better handle on that now and are looking forward to taking better care of yourself this time around. You deserve it, and as it has been said, none of it was your fault. Take your time. Theres no rush other than your natural desire to get better and feel better NOW (thats me speaking too) but try not to rush because it doesnt work anyway. You can only go as fast as your mind and emotions will allow you anyway.

Glad to have you with us. You have added to our strength and bond by joining us. Welcome.
 
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