I'm new here and I need help

I'm new here and I need help
P

pawhames

New Registrant
Hello everyone my name is Mike.My sister told me about this forum, she is a survivor also, and these forums helped her.I was abused bye another sisters Husband then i was very young.as a result I turned to alcohol and havent truely learned who (or) what I am. I love women, But i have certain feeling for the male gender, i dont know if im fooling my self, bi or what. all i know is that i love women, and i get into the male gender as well, If anyone has any comments that would help me , please let me know, I am lost and very lonely in my self. I am 39, and i think its time i found my self. god blees each and everyone of you. you can email me if you want and i'll try to explain further, or i can do it here, thankyou all so much, mike
 
I too understand these confused feelings. In part they ended my first marriage. At he time I came to terms with my abuse I just opened up the flood gates of all these confusing feelings and I unloaded them ALL on my ex-wife after she told that she was cheating on me with someone I thought to be a friend.

My current wife knows that I was abused by my mother and three older boys from around the town I grew up in, but as far as details, I have only shared those from what happen with my mother. She doesn't know what happen with the boys, I've never gone into details. I guess I'm afraid to actually tell her everything for the fear of losing her. Is that lying to her??? I have heard her talk unkindly about a friend from high school and another from college that have come-out to say they are homosexual. She has issues with their lifestyle. She has trouble watching "Six Feet Under" when the kiss or something.

When I was single I tried both lifestyles and because I have two daughters, I couldn't comfortable live as a homosexual. YET I still have the inter-feelings for the same sex.

Best of wishes for you!!!
 
Troy thankyou so much for your post, it helped alot. I have a son and daughter as well, so comming out as bisexual, isnt really an option either.I actually comforted knowing someone else out there went through similar things as i Did and overcame. god bless you and thankyou
 
I acted out by drinking all of my teen years away, when my wife had an affair I started drinking again. In terms of sexuality, I acted out by using pornography, I found myself attracted to shemales, asian. They had to look like a female but the penis is what I think I was thinking about the most. When I was molested it was dark and the only thing I really saw or felt was the mans penis, he came in my mouth and since then I have been trying to please and unable to receive pleasure, it ran my wife off. I have never had a homosexual experience but masturbating to shemale pics have been a part of my life. The confusion about the sexual orientation can be attributed to the molestation and that is a fact, but the more I write and post here the more it is working its way out of my system. I do not like the male body but the thought of getting a shemale off seems ok, however I could not do it in the flesh thus the reason for the porn, I also looked at women as part of my sexual addiction so another reason my wife had an affair. The devestation is endless, my body has taken a tole that I can only hope that GOD will help me cruise on to the next part of my life.

Thanks for posting,
 
Mike, Im your age and a survivor like yourself. Im going through some rough patches myself in my recovery and I am seeing a therapist (a T). That is helping so much more than I could ever have imagined. Find one who specialises in childhood sexual abuse of MALES if you can.

I cant get into too many details at present about myself, due to the way Im feeling at the moment, but I wanted to say welcome and reassure you that you are not alone in what you feel, how you act out and try to cope and the struggles you have about your masculinity and/or sexuality. Its all tainted and affected by abuse.

Between myself and so many of the other great guys here (who have become great friends) I can tell you that collectively we can all relate to what youve said and we all have varying degrees of recovery for all of the issues that you talk of.

Be encouraged, stick around, look forward to recovery and I look forward to getting to know you better Mike.
 
Mike,

Welcome to Male Survivor. I'm glad you found us and I know you will benefit from the site. It will probably take awhile to get used to things, but find your own pace and just participate as you feel comfortable.

At this point I think what you need to hear most is that issues of sexual confusion are very common among survivors and that you are not alone in your fears and anxiety. You will find a lot of support here and there will be so much to talk about.

Much love,
Larry
 
Mike,

Welcome to Male Survivor. My hope is that you will find this a safe place. A place where you will begin to understand that you are not alone.

In your post your discriptions of yourself could easily be a discription of me or many of the rest of us. Just change the name at the bottom.

One thing most of us here have discovered is that we cannot go it alone any longer. That's why this place has become such an important thing in our lives. Many of us are in various stages of therapy with mental health professionals. When it was first suggested to me that I seek professional help I rejected the idea because I thought it would be like admitting that I was mentally unstable. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Please know that you are accepted and cared for here, and also know that you are loved.

Safe hugs,

John
 
Mike,

Welcome. You are not alone, I just want you to know that you are among friends here, friends who understand and care.

Hang in there my friend

Darrel
 
One of the best parts about this place, Mike, is finding out that you're not some strange guy with strange hang-ups, but a person who has been damaged and are reacting in a pretty typical way. It doesn't make it that much easier, but it sure helps the "Why am I this way?" stuff. You find out that so many of us have the same problems....they're realized in different ways, but they all come from the same source and are variations on a theme. You really aren't alone. You really will be understood immediately....and you won't even have to explain yourself....we'll all just say "yep" and "uh huh", because we know.
But don't stop talking just because we understand. You need to talk and we're here to listen. Someone listened to us.....well, they're still listening because there's always something more we really need to say. The difference here is that we really want you to say it because we no how important that is and how important it is that you know someone is listening. Welcome.

Bobby
 
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