I'm new... and um... SUPER cool

I'm new... and um... SUPER cool
U

Up2NoGood762

New Registrant
Hi... uh... err... I'm new... and... uh... hello...

Well... I guess before I ask questions, you should probably know my story...

From the age of like 7 til almost 9, I was sexually abused about twice a week by my babysitter who was 16 at the time. Um... Well weird thing is, his mother and my mother were BEST friends at the time, and this doesn't really seems kinda weird, once again, I know... But when I was 14, his mother was a teacher of mine in school... I kept the abuse secret until I told a friend who ended up telling the guidance counselors in school. I know this is a really random post but I'm just throwing everything out there: not only was my abuser's mother my mom's best friend, and my teacher, she also lived down the street from me. Um, yeah, I was basically surrounded by memories of the abuse EVERYWHERE I turned....

Now, I'm sure you're so enthused after that invigorating synopsis... but I have a couple quick questions about all of this...

I used to constantly question whether I was gay or straight - yet, now I have a girlfriend that I like a LOT... But, I still look at "dirty" websites that are both gay and straight... I know you can't really answer this, but does this mean I'm gay and/or bi? I mean, how many STRAIGHT people do you know that look at gay porn? Ahhhh...

Also, I'm REALLY active in school.... I mean REALLLLLY active (15 extra cirricular activities - no joke) and I like to think of myself as a positive role model. I've honestly become a stronger person through all of this, and I was wondering if it would be a good idea to maybe make it known that I was abused... It's not to gain sympathy or anything, I swear... but a LOT of people aren't aware of what AVTUALLY happens... I mean, I CAN'T be the only one that this has happened too... And it's not just the awareness issue; I just kinda wanna show people that you can go through something terrible, and still live... and be strong through it... I don't know ahhh I'm so confused... Sorry such a long and obnoxious teenage-anxty post; please give me some feeback :)
 
LOL! WOW! I just read my own post... sorry for the incredibly horrible grammar!! Wow, can you say ignoramous? Sorry ::slaps forehead::
 
Hi Up2NoGood,

I like that screen name. :cool: Sounds like something I would have chosen at your age.

First let me say welcome to MS. It is sad that we need a place like this isn't it?

I think you are an incredibly courageous young man to post what happened to you.

I think you will find that many of us here have had the same questions as you regarding our sexuality, especially when we were young. Some still struggle with it, others have settled that issue at some point in their lives. Personally I wouldn't presume to try to answer that question for you. That is something that will need to be settled in your own mind when you are ready to do that. I will say this tho, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself over the issue. You have a lot of living and enjoyment of life to do right now, especially while in school. It'll settle itself soon enough.

Regarding the idea of disclosing your abuse to others, I would say that would be an incredibly brave thing to do under the right circumstances. I don't think I would do it without talking to your therapist if you have one. If not I would at least talk to your parent(s), or if that's not possible, then a counselor at school to see if you can get some professional help in answering the questions you have regarding all the issues you mentioned in your post. I think it is so cool that you feel you want to be a role model to others who have been through what you have been. Just make sure that you are also taking care of you. That needs to be the most important.

Your post is not long and obnoxious my friend. It is very well thought out and understandable.

I hope you can begin to find the answers you are looking for.

Courage my friend,

John

:) :) :) :)
 
Up2:
Could you email me via pm (logo on top by the file card icon)?
Thanks,
Ken Singer
Site supervisor
 
You know what Up2NoGood? Don't worry about the grammer unless you really want to. There's no test coming later! Really! No one here will think any less of you. I rather enjoyed reading your post because of the grammer which isn't that bad anyhow. :rolleyes:

John
 
Up2NoGood,

Welcome to Male Survivor. As John says, don't worry about your grammar. Just be yourself and get used to the site and how it can help you.

On porn, my answer - and it really is just a personal opinion - is that any healthy teenager will be interested in sexual material. It is okay to be curious, and I think every boy wonders and agonizes over such issues as whether he may be gay or bi or whatever. I personally find these labels pretty useless. You are YOU first, and then other things down the list. Rather than trying to find a "category" that you fit, I would say just be honest with yourself about your feelings and see how it goes. A boy's teen years are so full of turmoil and discovery anyway, so to whatever extent you can lessen the anxiety you feel about your sexuality, that can only be good for you.

I agree with John on the idea of disclosure. At this point in your life your top priority should be your own development and growth. There may be a lot of issues simmering unseen by you at the moment, and it would not be a good thing to discover them in the context of a public disclosure that you were abused. Again as John says, I would not go down this road without consulting people like a therapist or at least your parents.

Have you told your parents? If you are considering disclosure and if you have a good relationship with your parents, then I would start any disclosure by telling them and seeing how it goes.

Tke care,
Larry
 
Up2NoGood,

If you do disclose to your school definitely consult a therapist. Think specifically what is your purpose in "going public." Think how does it help you in your recovery.

I remember being in college, being very involved, and having people ask me to run for campus president. I say this because I'm trying to put myself in that situation and add disclosing. I would suggest a slow approach. Telling people who you have a high degree of trust in on campus. People who can be your allies if things do not go as you had hoped. Slowly telling people. These people can help you form a solid plan of disclosing ... can provide insight to what you can not consider by yourself. If your school has campus counselors you may want to talk to them in terms of here is what you are considering doing. They maybe able to provide insight into a small sample of students and how they would be supportive or not. To disclose to larger groups would require the right forum. Perhaps retreats that allow for personnal discussion. There might be groups or organizations on your campus that may be a good avenue to provide safe and constructive forums to disclose. A methodical slow approach is best. If things become overwhelming along the way you can either slow them down or limit the disclosure.

I hope that some day I could get to a place where I was willing or at least would consider being more public about my abuse ... but I am not there.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Up2,

Just would like for you to think everything out clearly and not act hastily in anyway. There will be consequences to "going public" that you need to talk to a therapist about or someone knowledgable in this area. I am sorry for your abuse and for all the termoil and terror it caused you.

If I may caution you concerning your many activities... I too am a survivor of SA from 9 - 16 years old. I too in my HS and beyond was EXTREMELY active and successful - I was an over achiever in many ways. To look at me would have been a success story... but fall out came. I am asking you to think about getting help first then if you still feel the same way and your conviction is still then same by all means follow your heart.

Not that your over activities are for the same reasons as mine... but to give you a window -
1 - my father was MIA in my life even though he was there - I had no support from him and could never be good enough to gain his favor and love.
2 - My own self image was so destroyed I tried to find my self worth in my achievements.
3 - I was somehow out to prove that I was normal and could be something with out realizing that I was valuable and precious without having to prove it to anyone, including my father.

I wish I would have had a sight like this when I was your age but there was nothing like this (there wasn't even internet). But there was nowhere to turn but atleast you have a good resourse here and I'm sure the site moderators can find help for you - MODS I HOPE I AM NOT OUT OF LINE BY SAYING THAT! IF I AM FORGIVE ME.

hang in there up2,
Riv
 
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