im hurting my mom

[lipsticklullabies]

she told me that i mortified her at the doctor.
she told me that theyre going to call CPS and her teaching lisence is going to be taken away
she said that i "beat her down"
she said that i ruin her.
she told me i ruined her life
part of me whats to tell her the other two big things in my life, see how she reacts, tell her, i love you but youre sick and i cant stay here anymore. when you realize how you are, and get help, call me. but until then leave me alone.
and leave
i really want to leave
but i dont really have anywhere to go
my bestfriends house, but she'll look there.
my oldest brother, but hes a juvi officer so he'll HAVE to turn me in for running away
thats it.

when me and my brother were little she beat us so bad
last time she beat me up, i was 13, and her and my dad were so mad at me, because i wouldn't pick up a piece of paper that she threw on the ground? she drug me to my room by my hair. she made my dad hold my arms down, and they just started hitting me. i was crying so loud someone called the cops.
i told them i stubbed my toe,
they said i looked like id be hit in the face
i told them i stubbed my toe and got frustrated with my parents and got in a fight and she slapped me.
they left, but i was still afraid they would take me away. i just needed to be in the same room with my mom. i can't explain that feeling, but i just needed to be near her. but she wouldn't let me, she told me she couldn't look at me.
they thought i called the cops.
she stopped hitting me after that.
dad still tries but i get away.
last summer she started hitting me again, a week after i told her, "i think im bi."
she told me i ruined her life,
she beat me with a fucking broom.
she doesn't hit my older brother anymore because he's 19, he's huge, really buff, and he hits back. but i cant hit her, i dont defend myself, once i did.
couple months ago, we were fighting, i went upstairs and laid on my bed and she came in, she started yelling at me, i sat up and defending myself (verbally) she slapped me i pushed her hand away and laid back down ignoring her and got on my bed and tried to beat me up, i pushed her off me and she fucking THREW HERSELF off the bed, shes such a drama queeen.
she was on top of me, it was a reaction.
she FLIPPED OUT that i hit her......started crying.....
yeah.
idk i guess that was me venting.
shes just unbareble.
this time next year i plan to be moved out,
me and my bestfriend want to save up so we can afford a cheapy apparentment across the state.
of course leave it up to my parents to crush my dreams, saying its unrealistic
i dont care how tiny the apartment is,
im not.
staying.
here.
//josh

 

[shadowkid]

dont know what to say except i'm sorry dude ,parents huh?yeah who needs them ,not me hang on if you can ok? shadow

 

[Muldoon]

Josh
Hang in there. Things will get better. Tom

 

[MrEdd]

Get out as soon as you can Josh. I left at 17. Nowhere 2 go b4.

 

[roadrunner]

Josh,

You are 17 and I am sure you are also a pretty savvy teenager with some idea of how to take care of yourself. So please forgive me if this sounds like I am treating you like a child.

What you are enduring is absolutely horrific and full of dangerous possibilities for everyone concerned. We can and WILL give you all the moral support we can here, but really dude, what you need to do is PICK UP THE PHONE.

You need to call the local child abuse hotline in your community and tell them what is happening. Even if you are 17, this kind of abuse wrecks a teenager's life and his ability to see ANYTHING with any sense of proper perspective.

See what Protective Services can do for you. You will be okay. They will not demand your name and they won't force you to do anything. Just see what your options are. And you DO have options.

Please do PM me if you need to talk about this.

Much love,
Larry

 

[ARW]

Agree with roadrunner that you need to act. tho at the risk of giving you some difficult and seemingly irresponsible advice, it may be time to go sooner than later. I grew up with a toxic and abusive mother. got out at 17. saved my life, no question. was torn emotionally for many years about it. haven't spoken to her now in 2 truly wonderful years. I'm 41. the reality is that these bonds are twisted and deep, and she's doing all she can to keep it that way. hence my advice to go. you are living in an intensely abusive household. you think a Social Services moderator or therapist can solve that domestic environment? They can't. By all means get help. But when your house is burning down the first thing you do isn't seek therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder. You get the hell out of the house. You take care of yourself, which for people in our situation is a difficult thing to do. We don't think we deserve it.

Get out. get a job and get some safety and security for yourself. And absolutely get help.

alex