I'm here

I'm here
A

Alidade

Registrant
I've spent some time lurking, reading what some of you have written here. It's not easy to bring some of these things to the surface and I applaud you all for being so brave, and thank the site administrators for proving this safe outlet for us.

I have always known what went on when I was a very young child. Unlike a lot of people I have not entirely repressed these memories. I remember every detail about the moment surrounding the abuse but I have trouble remembering the sexual act because I didn't understand fully what had gone on until just recently.

My adult mind is now re-processing some of my childhood memories and I am coming to new realizations about what was done to me and just how much I allowed to happen.

I couldn't possibly put my entire story into a single post. I was molested by so many different people, male and female, relative and non-relative. I remember a lot of it, but I know there must be some things I don't remember or don't want to remember.

I have already started writing this out and will post it in the appropriate forum, if I can figure out where that is. I just want to thank the organizers of this site for providing it for us. I have searched for something like this in the past and am happy it is finally available.
 
welcome alidade, take your time here. you will be living with your revelations for a long time, and since there is no graduation years down the road, it makes sense to just sit back and deal with it one day at a time. and don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help if and when you need it. we're here for and with you.

keep the faith,

ron
 
Hi, my brother in pain.

Welcome to MS. You are in the right place, at the right time and with the right brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).
We all have been there. We have been into the very depths of our soul, and into the very depths of hell too.

We have bared our very souls to each other. Here you will receive compassion, understanding and love.

But forget about tryig to remember just what sexual act was performed on you. It really doesn't matter. It happened to you/us. But most importaintly forget about you having allowed it to happen. You didn't no more than I did. We were young boys, we were looking for someone to love us, to pay attention to us. But the person that showed us "LOVE" had played on our innocense, our emotions.

I have finally accepted (in therapy) that Ralph really didn't "LOVE" me. I sure thought he did, I liked what he was doing, it made me feel good, I enjoyed it, I went back for more. Hell I "loved" him too. AS he was the only person who ever had paid any attention to this young boy. I was totally his.
No Alidade, we didn't allow it to happen. They knew what they were doing to us.
So take our hand, we will help lead you along, when the burden gets too heavy one of our brothers will come along and help us carry the burden. You and I are not alone. We are not guilty of anything, except being young boys.

Welcome aboard, take your time on your story.

Heal well my brother Alidade.

Pete (Irishmoose)
 
Just know that we are glad you have found us and that it is good to hear from you. You are among friends and not alone on your journey.

You have my support.

friendinneed
 
Hey Alidade.

Welcome to MS! Interpreting now with an adult mind what was being absorbed by a child's mind back then is definitely some hard work - been doing plenty of that lately myself. Best wishes in your recovery.

Peace,
Shadow+Walker
 
Alidade,

Welcome to MS. I hope that the site will be everything for you that it has been for me - it helped restore my sanity and it gave me a most precious gift, HOPE.
 
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