I'm going back

I'm going back
WalkingSouth

WalkingSouth

Brothers,

Friday Morning around 10:00 AM Pacific Standard time, I'm going to return to the location where one of the abuse events in my life occurred.
This place is no more than a broken down concrete foundation of what used to be an outbuilding on municipal owned property.

My brother Darrel will be with me along with one of our other MS brothers. Together we are going there to leave a bunch of flowers, and to symbolicaly honor all the men on this site and all other victims past and present of childhood sexual abuse.

I am going to take a page from our brother Rik's book and have with me a piece of paper with the names of as many of you that want to be on the list written on it. If you want to be on that list just post on this thread before 8:00 AM Pacific Standard Time tomorrow, Friday, February 3.

I don't know yet exactly how this will go, but tentative plans are to read a couple of short poems, talk a little, and perhaps say a prayer for all the wounded children that are hurt by this terrible crime.

I wish I could take all of you there with me, but I guess I'll have to settle for putting you on my list.

Lots of love,

John
 
John you can add my name to the list. Tom Muldoon
John I returned to the site of my abuse a few years ago. It was very powerful event for me. Tom
 
My abuse site was always chilling to me, mad me numb, but after I started my healing, the first time I visited 'the site' I filled it so much light, that it dissolved into it, and with it dissolved my abuse.

Later, in my meditation I filled it with flowers and asked God to heal it.. soon my abuse experience came in front of me, and as it replayed I changed the episode! I said NO and pushed 'him' away! And asked God to make it true for me.

Now when I visit it, it is just an empty ground, with no value to me.
 
John - please add my name to your list. I did a similar thing with flowers when I went back into the countryside where I was abused. I planted Forget-me-nots.

Best wishes...Rik
 
You can use my name too.

I cannot go back yet because a girl was assaulted in that area, the attacker was nowhere near my age nor looks, but what if he gets stopped by cops in a park!

This is what I would tell them.

I was abused here, and have a right to take pictures of where it happened.

I guess they would be sorry they asked,

ste
 
John - just another thought. Don't forget to add names of those who are/were good in your life & names of those who would support you that may not have time to see this post.

Another option is to write a second list, with the abusers name/s at the top, and add anything that is/was negative in your life. Take this list also, and you can either bury it there, or set fire to it!

Hope this helps....best wishes ...Rik
 
John,

I'm bringing a teddy bear to leave at the site, this bear was given to me by an 80 yo man who is a Survivor of SA.

Thanks for all the support bro.

Love you

Darrel
 
John

I really hope this journey brought you peace. It sounds like a healing moment, and for more than just yourself.
 
Hi guys,

It was quite a weekend in so many ways for me. As I said above, I was not alone on this quest. The three of us went as one to grieve over the past, honor all victims of this terrible crime, celebrate our continuing recovery, and look to a brighter future.

I took with me to the site several things. A pot of azaleas which I left sitting on the old foundation. I carried a picture of Darrel and I when we were small, which I also left there. In my pocket I had a list of many of the men and women I've interacted with here on the site over the months.

Dewey2k was with us and brought with him a laminated paper that had a picture of two boys just being boys and good friends. Also printed on it was a wonderful tribute and poem to abused children. He also gave us each a "Break the Silence" bracelet which I am still wearing.

We talked about the things that happened to us there and also about other victims we knew who also suffered there. We hugged and shared more than a few tears, and then we left, but before we did, I said a prayer for all of us collectively, that we will find the peace and joy we lost as children at the hands of evil.

I'm still attempting to process much of the events of that day and the whole weekend for that matter. I received an unsolicited and very heartfelt apology from my wonderful mother for the emotional and physical abuse I received at her hands as a child. She said on several occasions "My poor little boys. If I only knew then what I know now, so much heartache and pain could have been avoided."

Like I said, I am still trying to take it all in. I think that process will take me a while.

I want to thank each of you for your thoughts and prayers, and I honor you for the loving caring men that you are.

Lots of love,

John
 
John,

I received an unsolicited and very heartfelt apology from my wonderful mother for the emotional and physical abuse I received at her hands as a child. She said on several occasions "My poor little boys. If I only knew then what I know now, so much heartache and pain could have been avoided."
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This is a really emotional passage for me to read bro. I know how this issue has troubled you, and I hope this opens the way to healing here as well. You all deserve this so much.

Much love,
Larry
 
John, and others,

What a trip that was, going back, very emotional, and so very many things learned. I wish I hadn't had to leave so very soon afterwords, but so be it. The drive home gave me a lot of time for thinking. The next day, I had an opertunity to start a support group for survivors just dumped in my lap. Now that is exciting. And I know it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been wearing the "Break the Silence" bracelet given to me by Dewey2k.

We left a few things there and headed off into our future.

Love you,

Darrel
 
John - that sounds like a good trip! It's good that you had Dewey with you - someone else that understands.

I presume you are in 'zone out mode' now. It does take time to process when you take a major step like this.

I hope you are experiencing greater peace, although you will have probably found this very tiring.

If this has done as much for you as taking a perp to court, has done for me, I bet you are now wondering what to fill your head with!

Much peace to yourself, Dewey and hope the new connection with your Mother continues to blossom!

Good work, best wishes...Rik
 
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