I'm finally getting it
So it isn't a cliche - learning to love ourselves is the greatest thing we could do for ourselves.
I'm starting to (FINALLY!!!) see some results of the practice of learning how to love myself. I'm still not there, but I'm making progress.
In the past year, I've identified several traits and characteristics in myself that I have come to admire and acknowledge as worthy and admirable traits to have. I'm very honest, and I have integrity. While I'm not perfect, these traits are traits that I hold in high esteem, as I know that honesty and integrity are actually aren't all that common. As my therapist has informed me that people who act politically (office politics, people playing the social game) don't exhibit integrity or honesty.
I've faulted myself for not knowing how to play office politics; indeed, it has kept me from advancing in my career, and it has precluded me from being able to resolve difficult situations that merited a political response.
The flip side of that is that I've discovered that I can use both my honesty and integrity to start working through office political issues, and come out relatively unscathed. I turned a poor work evaluation into a redaction and apology from my supervisors, and am now discovering how much power I have to shape and mold public perception of who I am.
I'm learning a very potent and powerful lesson in my life right now. That the more I find and cherish admirable qualities in myself, the more I can stand in this world and operate from a sense of safety and empowerment. I am not the retarded person I thought I was growing up. I had no parenting whatsoever as a child, and was severely polluted by CSA and neglect. But I somehow was able to navigate out of that psychological nightmare. While I still struggle to make sense out of the "human condition", I am beginning to see the power that I was born with inside - the power to forgive, to love, to let go, to embrace, and to accept.
Recovery is beginning to look a lot like self acceptance. Complete and total self acceptance. For a long time this sounded like hog wash. But now I see that I first had to start finding out who I *REALLY* am, before I could start accepting myself. I grew up believing a lot of LIES about myself. It's taken a long long long time to let go of those lies and start searching for the truth.
The truth is, while I'm not the smartest kid on the block with regards to social interactions (I'm actually pretty dumb and naive), I carry qualities in me that are esteemable and admirable. When I spot these qualities in other people, I love them.
D
I'm starting to (FINALLY!!!) see some results of the practice of learning how to love myself. I'm still not there, but I'm making progress.
In the past year, I've identified several traits and characteristics in myself that I have come to admire and acknowledge as worthy and admirable traits to have. I'm very honest, and I have integrity. While I'm not perfect, these traits are traits that I hold in high esteem, as I know that honesty and integrity are actually aren't all that common. As my therapist has informed me that people who act politically (office politics, people playing the social game) don't exhibit integrity or honesty.
I've faulted myself for not knowing how to play office politics; indeed, it has kept me from advancing in my career, and it has precluded me from being able to resolve difficult situations that merited a political response.
The flip side of that is that I've discovered that I can use both my honesty and integrity to start working through office political issues, and come out relatively unscathed. I turned a poor work evaluation into a redaction and apology from my supervisors, and am now discovering how much power I have to shape and mold public perception of who I am.
I'm learning a very potent and powerful lesson in my life right now. That the more I find and cherish admirable qualities in myself, the more I can stand in this world and operate from a sense of safety and empowerment. I am not the retarded person I thought I was growing up. I had no parenting whatsoever as a child, and was severely polluted by CSA and neglect. But I somehow was able to navigate out of that psychological nightmare. While I still struggle to make sense out of the "human condition", I am beginning to see the power that I was born with inside - the power to forgive, to love, to let go, to embrace, and to accept.
Recovery is beginning to look a lot like self acceptance. Complete and total self acceptance. For a long time this sounded like hog wash. But now I see that I first had to start finding out who I *REALLY* am, before I could start accepting myself. I grew up believing a lot of LIES about myself. It's taken a long long long time to let go of those lies and start searching for the truth.
The truth is, while I'm not the smartest kid on the block with regards to social interactions (I'm actually pretty dumb and naive), I carry qualities in me that are esteemable and admirable. When I spot these qualities in other people, I love them.
D
It's always been very clear by the lucidity and structure of your words here, Magellan, that you have a very capable head on your shoulders, and a positive soul at your core.
