I'm back...unfortuantely
my_own_prison
Registrant
Well folks, it's been a few months but I have checked in from time to time. As some of you may recall, last time I was here I was discussing how my marriage was on the verge of failure. For most of you that probably don't recall, I will give you all a brief run down of what what problem was then.
For a couple of years now, I have recognized that I was not happy in my marriage and neither was my wife. I thought it was because I wasn't paying enough attention to her...(wrong)...I thought it was because I wasn't handsome enough or sexy to her.... (undeterminded) I tried to ask her to go to see a marriage counselor but she wasn't interested. Finally I had enough. The lack of intimacy in my marriage and the lack of a "partner" that cared enough about me to even put forth a credible effort drove me to ask for a separation. To complicate things even more, I fell in love with a co-worker who is also a CSA victim and a lesbian to boot. We didn't have a sexual affair, it was an emotional affair. While I know it was still wrong, she was replacing the missing emotional aspect of my marriage that I so longed for. I broke off the affair and re-commited to my wife that I would work on myself and she commited to me that she would work on herself. 6 months have past since that commitment. In that time, I have quit drinking, lost 15lbs and gotten into the best physical shape in my life. I took up Karate and continue to work on myself in both individual therapy and group therapy. I also have done my fair share of shelf help books.
My wife had for the past 7 years "distance" herself emotionally and physically from me. She claims its due to a very low libido and the fact that she grew up in an alcoholic family. The connection there was since I drank, I brought up bad memories for her. I addressed that 3 months ago and had been going along fine until last week.
I finally realized last week that my wife was still the same. While she is a tiny bit more receptive to my advances, she still leaves 100% of the intamacy up to me. She never pursues me, never sexually touches me and never ever cares about trying to saticefy me. I got depressed when I realized I was still unhappy and she asked me what was wrong. I was scared to tell her for fear of what her reaction would be but my therapist said that I had to be open and honest with her so I told her I would really like it if she would make an attempt to initiate intamacy once in awhile.
That went over like a led ballon. She said all I cared about was sex. She said that I didn't even acknowledge her efforts. She finally said that she was going to seek a divorce that there was nothing left to salvage since all I cared about was sex. The arguments got pretty ugly over the past couple of days. She asked me to leave but I refuse to leave my house and my three children. I told her she would have to server me with a warrant to get me out.
Why is sex so important to me? Am I abnormal to want my partner in life to desire me and make advances at me once in awhile? Am I abnormal to think that passion can be just as enjoyable with out having sex as long as you know the desire is sincere? Should I accept her the way she is and just plan on pleasuring myself for the rest of my life or should I just agree that her and I are incompatible and move on while trying to be the best dad that I can given the circumstances? Now I know that I have an extremely powerful libido and I'm sure that my CSA has something to do with that but I can't be totally off base by wanting a partner that is sincerely interested in me can I? Bottom line...I believe sex is important in a relationship. She doesn't.
For a couple of years now, I have recognized that I was not happy in my marriage and neither was my wife. I thought it was because I wasn't paying enough attention to her...(wrong)...I thought it was because I wasn't handsome enough or sexy to her.... (undeterminded) I tried to ask her to go to see a marriage counselor but she wasn't interested. Finally I had enough. The lack of intimacy in my marriage and the lack of a "partner" that cared enough about me to even put forth a credible effort drove me to ask for a separation. To complicate things even more, I fell in love with a co-worker who is also a CSA victim and a lesbian to boot. We didn't have a sexual affair, it was an emotional affair. While I know it was still wrong, she was replacing the missing emotional aspect of my marriage that I so longed for. I broke off the affair and re-commited to my wife that I would work on myself and she commited to me that she would work on herself. 6 months have past since that commitment. In that time, I have quit drinking, lost 15lbs and gotten into the best physical shape in my life. I took up Karate and continue to work on myself in both individual therapy and group therapy. I also have done my fair share of shelf help books.
My wife had for the past 7 years "distance" herself emotionally and physically from me. She claims its due to a very low libido and the fact that she grew up in an alcoholic family. The connection there was since I drank, I brought up bad memories for her. I addressed that 3 months ago and had been going along fine until last week.
I finally realized last week that my wife was still the same. While she is a tiny bit more receptive to my advances, she still leaves 100% of the intamacy up to me. She never pursues me, never sexually touches me and never ever cares about trying to saticefy me. I got depressed when I realized I was still unhappy and she asked me what was wrong. I was scared to tell her for fear of what her reaction would be but my therapist said that I had to be open and honest with her so I told her I would really like it if she would make an attempt to initiate intamacy once in awhile.
That went over like a led ballon. She said all I cared about was sex. She said that I didn't even acknowledge her efforts. She finally said that she was going to seek a divorce that there was nothing left to salvage since all I cared about was sex. The arguments got pretty ugly over the past couple of days. She asked me to leave but I refuse to leave my house and my three children. I told her she would have to server me with a warrant to get me out.
Why is sex so important to me? Am I abnormal to want my partner in life to desire me and make advances at me once in awhile? Am I abnormal to think that passion can be just as enjoyable with out having sex as long as you know the desire is sincere? Should I accept her the way she is and just plan on pleasuring myself for the rest of my life or should I just agree that her and I are incompatible and move on while trying to be the best dad that I can given the circumstances? Now I know that I have an extremely powerful libido and I'm sure that my CSA has something to do with that but I can't be totally off base by wanting a partner that is sincerely interested in me can I? Bottom line...I believe sex is important in a relationship. She doesn't.