Hi HH.
though the circumstances were doubtless different, I've often thought this, "hold on a minute this can't go on like this"
one thing I can acknowledge in my rational moments, but manage to completely forget in my irrational ones, is that this is a two way process.
You cannot control the world, other people or much of your own circumstances, indeed the way the world is the amount of control anyone has over their own life and circumstances is dwindling rapidly. however you can have control over yourself.
i don't mean "self control" as its usually thought of, but knowing yourself well enough to what sort of thing you need at a specific time.
i myself during my own recent crappy periods forgot that actually mail survivor is a useful place to be for me, still worse I assumed I didn't have a right to be hear because I have such a wonderful wife.
I was not exercising good self control, that is, I did not realize what would mitigate the horrible way I've been feeling and reacting lately.
You cannot control fate or destiny or other people, but you can come on here and gain some amount of control over how you react and what your feeling.
Some of this is self care and being kind to yourself, some of this however is also knowing for example what will and will not contribute to feeling more or less awful.
As you told me yourself quite recently, your an extremely strong person both on your own behalf and that of your so, and thus perhaps you could exercise some of that strength on your own account, work out what would be good way you could try to mitigate the way your feeling now and where you are, and then do that thing.
Take care of yourself.
Luke.
