If you went to the conference....(or didn't but wanted to...)

If you went to the conference....(or didn't but wanted to...)
K

Ken Singer LCSW

As we begin to think about the next conference in 2005, we'd like some feedback from those of you who went. What was useful for you, what wasn't? What would you like to see done differently?

If you didn't go but wanted to, what kept you from attending?

Thanks for your input.

Ken
 
Location and costs were prohibitive.

Mostly though, I was anxious about what I would find there.

Is it possible that some of the discussions, meetings, speeches were taped?

It would be awesome if I could see some clips perhaps using real player or windows media.
Maybe there could be a link from your home page.
 
I wonder if there could be two levels of fees. One level for professionals. A second level for survivors who may have a limited income.

The talks I attended were all excellent and I learned from every one of them. At the same time, there was so much going on and so little down time that I got to a point where I missed out on the excellent music and art night. I hear it was a highlight.

The retreat reunion was great. It was so good to see the men again and ofcourse Mikele.

I enjoyed the reunion so much that I wonder if on a late afternoon we could have a gab fest for the people attending who use the chat and discussion forum. All I think we would want to do it talk and get to know each other better.
Just an idea. But it was very special for me to meet in person, lots of men for the first time.

Frankly, I thought I got ten times the price out of all that was offered. But, I have my fees paid by the group I belong too. Perhaps if we get more men to join us we can provide some more scholarships.

Bob
 
It's on another Continent ! :(

But since we missed our Canadian holiday this year maybe next year our travel plans could be made to fit the conference in as well, or at least a retreat.

I wan't to meet you guys !

Dave
 
Ken,

I wanted to go to the conference but didn't because I wanted a little break from reality. One thing that seemed to me to be a bit daunting was my perception that a lot of the speakers would be dealing with the more technical issues of SA and the subject matter might not be applicable to me and my situation. I felt that I might benefit more from a retreat type setting at this time so I am budgeting my vacation time/away from work time accordingly.

I'm planning to participate in another level 1 retreat in WA in November '03 and in the level 2 retreat tentatively scheduled for next September. For me both of those are within easy travel distance also.

I think that MS/NOMSV is a wonderful organization and everyone associated with it should be proud of what they've done here. It truely lets survivors know that they are no longer alone, that they never were alone for that matter.

Take care,

Steve
 
I did want to go. Really, I did. The 2 things that prevented me was, the cost to travel, and
F-E-A-R. Fear is really much more true than cost.
Fear is broken down into the following.

Fear of being triggered.

Fear of disassociating & missing out.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of facing truths & facts I'd rather not deal with.

Fear of new stuff coming up. Remembering the forgotten.

Fear that I may lose control of my secretes.

And Fear that Blacken will have a face.

I have come so far, worked so hard, to get to a point where I am NOT tortured every day by past demons & future worries. That though I want to believe that those retreats are/would be the best thing I could do for Me, I am Afraid of losing it....

Blacken, the Cloud, wants to keep his Silver lining...
 
Hey Ken,

I really wanted to go, but I think it was more of a cost thing than anything. With cost of registration, flight and hotel or accomodations it was just to expensive plus I'm going to school at the same time. I'm really disappointed I couldn't be there but oh well next time i guess. It might be a good idea to maybe find cheaper accomodations. I see the importance of having a conference in a major city due to publicity. There are probably a few things I could have done as well I suppose such as contacting people for a place to stay, but I just couldn't really justify spending 1,500 dollars for a weekend. Hopefully I'll have more money by 2005. Well there's my two bits. TAlk to ya later, jim
 
How did i miss this one..........it's been up since the 5th, right?
It is so cool to see where guys are from.....Dawson Creek, how cool it that.....really, no pun intended.
And that brings me to the conference.

Can you sense the hushed tone? Can you hear the choir in the background? The slight echo.......

OK, I don't mean to go all melodramatic on you, but I can't begin to tell how much that conference meant to me......but I'm gunna try.

Joe--Outis---clued me in to taking Mike Lew's session on Thursday's pre-conference schedule.
I can't begin to describe how that set the tone for the entire rest of the conference for me.

If I were to suggest anything it would be to have something like that session for the entire conference beginning, to ease folks into the joys that can be theirs in the knowing of a few other men from such an experience that Mike Lew gave us. What a gift! Just his suggestion to keep breathing as we went around the room introducing ourselves and saying where we were from. Nervous? Frightened? Ready to bolt and run?...as I ALWAYS reserve as my right............You bet, but with Mike's easy smile and soft voice to remind us to take a breathe and keep breathing as we went around the room, knitted us together as neatly as you could ever imagine; we were brothers from that moment on.........and throughout the rest of the conference. Incredible, just incredible.
But you have to understand, I had been looking for those guys.....you guys..........my entire life..........and I'm older than you.
What else can I tell you.....they had a great book store.......they had good coffee and water when we needed it........the site couldn't have been better.......expensive, well, ya, but the accommodations were the best.........most comfortable bed.....good chair at the desk.....great meeting rooms.......dining room for lunch........and the best chinese across the street you've ever tasted. I don't know how you're going to come even close in '05 to matching this one. GOOD JOB.

David
 
Positive:
Safe Room: blacken may want to make a note of this I had the misfortune of being triggered. The safe room and the on-call T was a wonderful attribute and provided much help when it was needed.
An atmosphere filled with Friends and Safety:
The Sessions: I didn't miss a session time during the conference and all that I attended were terrific.
Evening Entertainment: Top Notch. A special thanks to Ken Hampton for the introduction to the movie "Rabbit-proof Fence".


The Negative?
Sessions: During some of the times blocks there were only one session available for survivors. It just seemed that for survivors, the choices were very limited at some times. But all the sessions I attended were helpful.
A very full Schedule: The night's activities were so full and wonderful, that I usually didn't get the opportunity to eat until after 9pm. Although one time I did run and get a sub sandwich to eat during the evening activities.

Other: I am in agreement with Bob, I got 10 times my moneys worth out of this conference. Well worth the expense.
I joined MS on the last day of June of this year. I never thought that I would be "ready" to attend this conference. I had planned on attending the weekend retreat in WA. The decision to attend was at the last moment, just before the extended hotel reservation period ended. This site has brought me a long way in a fairly short peroid of time and made me ready for this wonderful experience. Thank-you to all you guests, members, moderators, adiminstrators, board of directors, president, and anybody that I missed.

Bill
 
Hey blue,

Conferences and reatreats are two diferent things dont get them mixed up, and if your
couselor thinks you are not ready he or she might wnat to consider registering on MS and paying dues to support male survivors inorder to find out more about us and what we do. That is a start, plus they could look into the structure of the retreat. How does another person really know what you are capable of? You might surprise yourself. Reatreats take you from where you are at and give you support for what is going on in your life. Don't limit yourself and make sure your counselor is informed enough to know what these events are like.

As for the conference, there were not enough survivor speakers, we as survivors have a lot to offer, and make excellet speakers for such events, too much is geared to professionals. I went to one session that was for survivors and there were so many professionals asking therapist type questions it turned me off and was exteamly boring. I could not find the person running the conference session later to ask about my situation in my life. Luckily there are people in safe room and around to help.

I am exteamly glad I went. I learned a lot and recieved much help on serious issues going on in my life.

Hi Bill talk soon phone died and lost your number, PM me ok.


Sometimes there were gliches with the phone ( safe room), and I was left there and had to search for person.

It was still an excellent experience, I did want to present on music and healing, but did not know if I was going to attend untill almost a month before. We need more involovment from survivors even if they colablorate with professional in the sessions, we need to make survivors welcome and not gear the conferences more to professionals, I run a group for survivors and have my masters in child development, and studied music for 6 years.

There are many things I could do, and even though I am not a therapist I am a professional.

I work with children. many who have been hurt somehow, and others with limited cognitive ability who are at higher risk to be abused.

We really need to work together, I recied a schalorship due to unforseen expenses I almost did not go. I plan on donating money to cover those costs. Ask and you shall recieve.

Therapist mean well, but they do not know how much thought goes into these programs, for one thing, even though the safe room person was gone that one time there were 70 or 80 thereapists out side the door, I grabbed one and talked. There is so much to do, and scheduling things over other things. I wanted to do the sweat lodge. bit I had to perform. Not enough time to eat.

Still it was a positive experience. I will not regret going. And singing and playing the piano was a great experience, I never do both in public. Normally I sing, that was very difficult. I did it and was glad, next conference I will present, and sing, (piano?)
who knows.

MJ
 
Dear blue,

I want to reiterate the difference between healing retreat and the conference.

The retreats, which happen several times a year, are intended to be just that: the focus is entirely on survivors and their healing. We have been fortunate enough to develop a group of experienced facilitators who work together to create an environment that feels as safe as possible, and with as many support systems built in as is feasible. There has been talk of having a Level 2 retreat, and one was scheduled, but as far as I know that was postponed until we have more graduates of Level 1 retreats as a pool of possible participants. So, I believe that all the currently planned retreats are Level 1 (I see that on the web site it still says there is a Level 1 retreat planned, but I believe that information is out-of-date). The retreats currently in planning stages are at Port Orchard, WA next month;
Princeton, IL; Park City, Utah; and Paris, Ontario

The conferences happen approximately every two years. They consist of workshops and plenary sessions. Some of the sessions are aimed at survivors, some at one kind of professional or another, and some are appropriate for both. Obviously, as you can see from the comments above, not everyone is satisfied with the mix. Yet, for most it is an enriching experience -- intense but in a different way from the retreats.

I do think it is a good idea to consult with your therapist before going to a retreat or conference, especially if you are in the early stages of recovery. However, if you do so, be sure your therapist knows what the events are like. He or she can look here on the web site, or even ask us directly about what the experience may be like.

Richard Gartner
President
MaleSurvivor
 
I was not able to go for a number of reasons including finances for one but since I was in school, I had no time this year. Of course I have a lot on my plate right now and I didn't even make the voices conference. Hopefully next year, that starts to change and turn around.

It did look like the conference was pretty full with activities and some of it seemed a little confusing to me as to what the specific items were all about. Maybe there was more information that I just missed somewhere but it would really help to see a synopsis of what each workshop was about. And like I said, I might have just missed that somewhere.

Don
 
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