If you can call me a survivor. so be it.
So I have been searching for the statue of limitations of reporting my sexual abuse which occured in Pennsylvania. I came acrossed this site and decided to see what's in here. From the subjects I see I feel the knifes being wielded with the force of the incidences(sp).
So i'm in my thirties, i started comprehending my memories when i was 25/6. I confronted my step dad regarding this shortly after this the anxiety with still being in house was really going to lead me to terminating his life. His excuse was " I was doing some really f* up s* then". No sorry, No apology either. I asked him did you think I wouldn't figure it out. He said nothing. I lived with extreme rage for quit some time, I still have a very short fuse. I'm afraid if someone pushes me the wrong way that all that anger and rage is going to cause some serious harm.
Other problems consist of being bipolar, sever anxiety and trust issues. I have not been very successful in relationships. My focus tend to be tied more to sex and not the relationship. And when my relationships ends. I cry like the world is coming to an end and that someone i truly trusted is abondaning me.
I'm currently seeing a therapist and taking meds for depression and such. Though I still have probably the lowest self esteem, and self image of myself. I've been through utter hell.
Short Biography:
With mother 5 to 6 years after birth
Step-dad wins custody me and my brothers stay with him.
He can't handle us after endless physical and sexual abuse. He sends us back to my Mom's house. She can't handle us either she beats the living crap out of us for 3 years then Child Protective Services takes us away. Now in Foster Care till 18 I bounced around to almost 30 homes. Went to 3 junior highs, and 4 high schools. A family member attempts to help me in my Senior year not understanding relationships and stuff I cannot be controled. I run away to Canada. I ran out of money and got caught for a stolen car coming back into the US. The police let me out of jail on ROR. My Uncle said he wanted nothing to do with me. So I goto my Step-Dads to try and get into the Navy. Stuff is a little weird, he is gay and I thought it was in regards to that and all the gay people coming around, but I manage. Now I join the Navy I join a elite unit in the Navy and fail to hold it together mentaly after proposing to another shipmate. I attempt suicide and fail. I eventually meet some misfits on a ship after the elite unit dismisses me. Joined up with these clowns I procede to do drugs as if they were candy. I was kicked out of the Navy for failing a drug test. One of the misfits in our group was my best friend, after both being kicked out of the Navy we resume are partying and drug use out in the Midwest which was his hometown. Soon after arriving he's old friend have a place for him and nadda for me. I know no one. I manage with a girl I met, that relationship goes to hell and I attempt suicide again. I must of come close cause I got seriously scared from seeing the weirdest stuff on earth. She takes me to the hospital they pump me fool of charcoal. Hours later I managed to remember her number after being mentaly washed. So I manage to pull my self together and hold a fast food job. This was a dead end place here in the Midwest. I needed out. So I proceded to call my step dad the molester to help me out. After moving there their was some serious anxiety. Shortly after that I confronted him as stated above. Thoughts of executino ran through my head for some time after that. I continuely tried to force a serious confrontation though was a bit scared he being a vietnam vet and all. He kicked me out not wanting to be reminded of the incident I assume, so I left and stayed with a girlfriends gay friends. Another weird situation that I had to manage to find myself. During this time I bounced from job to job trying to make up the ladder of life. I eventually get a break as a tech support rep for a ISP. I manage that well, though I was a very angry, vengeful, hateful person. I had no relationships during this time. I attached myself to a computer and that was it. After being there for awhile i made it to the tech world and bounced a bit from there. Now I'm a Hardware Engineer making more cash than most married couples. Though my life still is fresh with all that pain. Relationships end and I contemplate suicide and cry myself away over and over. But tonight my buddy told me he has had someone molest him also and we began to connected on all of these weird issues the abuse brings. So I'm not sure where I'm at in this game but I would like to have a family and move on from all of this. Sorry for the book but maybe this will help someone else.
So i'm in my thirties, i started comprehending my memories when i was 25/6. I confronted my step dad regarding this shortly after this the anxiety with still being in house was really going to lead me to terminating his life. His excuse was " I was doing some really f* up s* then". No sorry, No apology either. I asked him did you think I wouldn't figure it out. He said nothing. I lived with extreme rage for quit some time, I still have a very short fuse. I'm afraid if someone pushes me the wrong way that all that anger and rage is going to cause some serious harm.
Other problems consist of being bipolar, sever anxiety and trust issues. I have not been very successful in relationships. My focus tend to be tied more to sex and not the relationship. And when my relationships ends. I cry like the world is coming to an end and that someone i truly trusted is abondaning me.
I'm currently seeing a therapist and taking meds for depression and such. Though I still have probably the lowest self esteem, and self image of myself. I've been through utter hell.
Short Biography:
With mother 5 to 6 years after birth
Step-dad wins custody me and my brothers stay with him.
He can't handle us after endless physical and sexual abuse. He sends us back to my Mom's house. She can't handle us either she beats the living crap out of us for 3 years then Child Protective Services takes us away. Now in Foster Care till 18 I bounced around to almost 30 homes. Went to 3 junior highs, and 4 high schools. A family member attempts to help me in my Senior year not understanding relationships and stuff I cannot be controled. I run away to Canada. I ran out of money and got caught for a stolen car coming back into the US. The police let me out of jail on ROR. My Uncle said he wanted nothing to do with me. So I goto my Step-Dads to try and get into the Navy. Stuff is a little weird, he is gay and I thought it was in regards to that and all the gay people coming around, but I manage. Now I join the Navy I join a elite unit in the Navy and fail to hold it together mentaly after proposing to another shipmate. I attempt suicide and fail. I eventually meet some misfits on a ship after the elite unit dismisses me. Joined up with these clowns I procede to do drugs as if they were candy. I was kicked out of the Navy for failing a drug test. One of the misfits in our group was my best friend, after both being kicked out of the Navy we resume are partying and drug use out in the Midwest which was his hometown. Soon after arriving he's old friend have a place for him and nadda for me. I know no one. I manage with a girl I met, that relationship goes to hell and I attempt suicide again. I must of come close cause I got seriously scared from seeing the weirdest stuff on earth. She takes me to the hospital they pump me fool of charcoal. Hours later I managed to remember her number after being mentaly washed. So I manage to pull my self together and hold a fast food job. This was a dead end place here in the Midwest. I needed out. So I proceded to call my step dad the molester to help me out. After moving there their was some serious anxiety. Shortly after that I confronted him as stated above. Thoughts of executino ran through my head for some time after that. I continuely tried to force a serious confrontation though was a bit scared he being a vietnam vet and all. He kicked me out not wanting to be reminded of the incident I assume, so I left and stayed with a girlfriends gay friends. Another weird situation that I had to manage to find myself. During this time I bounced from job to job trying to make up the ladder of life. I eventually get a break as a tech support rep for a ISP. I manage that well, though I was a very angry, vengeful, hateful person. I had no relationships during this time. I attached myself to a computer and that was it. After being there for awhile i made it to the tech world and bounced a bit from there. Now I'm a Hardware Engineer making more cash than most married couples. Though my life still is fresh with all that pain. Relationships end and I contemplate suicide and cry myself away over and over. But tonight my buddy told me he has had someone molest him also and we began to connected on all of these weird issues the abuse brings. So I'm not sure where I'm at in this game but I would like to have a family and move on from all of this. Sorry for the book but maybe this will help someone else.
