If it ain't magic.....

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If it ain't magic.....

One nice thing about a long drive to work is it is my "me" time. Traffic is light (or least for L.A.!) at 5 am. So I can think and reflect a lot more, talk to Mikey and just basically enjoy the drive.

On my way in this morning, after a couple of days of some rough spots, I just felt so alive. Not euphoric or anything. Just clear it seemed. And I was reflecting on all that has happened in the last several months. And how much has changed.

From a timid, scared and overly defensive man who felt so damn worthless to anyone, including myself, to someone, who not "healed" yet, who is much more confident, more secure and less defensive than I was when this started.

And it's because of a kind of magic I see here all the time. The welcome of the newcomers, the support when I need it. The laughs with others here that aren't forced, but real.

I have a long way to go, I know. But if you had asked me a year ago if I could have this much of a turnaround, I would have said "yes" and then went into deep depression because I could never believe that.

So I am reminded of a line from Queen "It's a kinda magic", because it seems so appropriate here.

Peace,

Marc
 
Marc,

Very well put and a PLEASURE to read! I am very proud of you and glad for you. The hard work can be worth it!
 
Marc, I am so glad for you! I was going to start a message until I read yours. Even though I am new to the board, the last two days I have felt better than for a long time. Two REO Speedwagon songs come to mind. Time for me to fly and back on the road again!
 
Marc, I am glad you and Mikey are really getting to know each other, it should always have been that way, but hey, a childhood revisited has magic all of it's own.

Look after him, and never let him be hurt again.

take care,

ste ;)
 
Thanks for sharing, Marc. It helps reinforce my belief that THERE IS HOPE! There is light at the end of the tunnel. :)

Yesterday I had a session with my T and she suggested that we stopped the session with some thoughts and realizations I had during the session. I started asking myself things like "why do I imprision (sp?) myself?", "why do I allow people to continue abusing me?", "why do I allow them the space and power to do that?"

My T pointed out that those were important questions, coming not from a victim but from an adult. I felt very good after the session and as I walked back home I had the feeling that "Yes! I am making good progress!"

Love to Mikey.
 
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