ideas for getting self past triggers

ideas for getting self past triggers
C

cat lover

Registrant
Hi guys. A bit over 3 years ago, at the age of 37, I became qualified to call myself a 'male survivor.' I went to the therapist, did my work, including some EMDR (eye movement therapy), and he set me free last year. Sometimes, though, I still get triggered and find myself in places of fear, apprehension, and unwillingless to trust. Anybody have techniques they use to get themselves past these situations?

Thanks in advance.
 
Cat Lover,

You are clearly further down the road than I am, but I will just suggest a few things that help me.

I still tense up, for example, if I am in a strange place with a man I don't know and he takes a seat between me and the door. I also still tend to go to battle stations when I see that someone I don't feel close to is approaching me with an unwanted hug. Etc.

In those cases I try to tell myself that my feelings are just replays of the old tapes from my childhood and I don't have anything to fear anymore. If I can, I also try to concentrate on my breathing - slow, deep, relaxing breaths. For me "nipping it in the bud" is still pretty important. I feel I need to catch the situation as soon as I feel it starting; if I just ignore it, then it can still get away from me and make me feel pretty unsafe.

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks Larry.

Besides physical safely, I'm wondering what folks have done to protect themselves emotionally. That's a piece of my 'date rape' with which I still grapple.
 
Support helps me. I used to keep it all inside. Now, if I know a triggering situation is happening or will happen, I talk, talk, talk to everybody about it. I talk out loud. "Oh, getting claustrophobic here. Sorry--gotta move." The talking also helps with trust issues. My therapist told me that abuse and trust issues come together. He said I don't have to trust 100%. Just give it 10% and see if I get burned or not. The more I try, and the less I'm burned, the more I trust. I also try to remember to blame the people who deserve it instead of internalizing shame.

I'm out of therapy, too, but I hesitate to use the word "graduated". Like someone who goes to physical therapy, the therapy may no longer fill a need, but that doesn't mean my knee won't ever hurt when the weather turns bad. The work never really ends, does it?

Take care.
 
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