I wish I was emancipated from male expectations
I'm tied inexorably to male culture by no fault of my own, other than my physical appearance matching my gender. What if I decided to feminize my appearance, which could be as subtle as wearing fingernail polish? What if I wore eye liner, or lipstick, I can imagine I would be the butt of many ridiculous double entendres. No doubt the word pig, or cross dresser among them. I leave the rest to imagination.
Here I want to note, that there are pioneers to the concept of being whom one is. Transgender people top that list, as they learned their bodies were the wrong sex. Then transvestites who find it freeing to express the femininity within. There's a fluid non-binary that exists as well. Trans men or trans women who were raped as boys, are with us in this.
What is "male culture", a quick Google search and this can be found:
In what has become my story, a story that has rape in it, that I'm a man brings historical connotation, aka bias. Those who embrace male culture might smirk at the idea a man can be raped? They've no experience to reference it, so they might dismiss it; invalidate it. They're probably not very social types, and haven't led a life considerate to others feelings, or the consequences of their actions affecting others. I might label them Brutes. Then there will be those who have some minor experience of this happening due to news or a friend discussing it? Perhaps that person will allow that it happens, but might not care enough to discern the nuance of what's really happening to boys and men. I might label them the normies. Then there's a more nuanced group which includes we with the experiences, and those who have known and been concerned or loved someone that has been raped or sexually abused. This group I might label as woke.
Why three groups, well I want this to be simple for me. I know there's an immense amount of nuance in each category, but I don't desire to go into those.
To consider that first group, I have been bullied by that type. To me they're sociopaths, lacking compassion or empathy. They abhor weakness, and project that toward males whom they presume to be weak physically or emotionally. Brawn vs Brain seems to fit. These kind would never believe a boy/man can be raped by a woman, it's inconceivable. To this kind of macho, it's reasonable to proclaim it an initiated the boy, or a man has scored. This is also where most of us were raised. This is the archetype a parent might believe justified in forcing upon male offspring. This is the place for societal norms and precisely why I want to be emancipated from it.
The second type seem redeemable to me. Though I don't want to exclude converts from the first group, it's not very likely many of them will respond to care, compassion, and empathy any time soon. This second is the type who can feel compassion and will express empathy, but has little time nor compulsion to consider getting involved or helping the concerns of boys and men with their needs. They live their life, because they've always seen that being done, it's to keep their hands out of trouble as much as possible, and that includes helping some types of need. The cultural norms for these men barely register boys and men get raped, and also can't imagine women or perpetrators. To them, it doesn't seem right. How does something like that happen, and also, how bad could that really be? To them, surely it's not as bad as if a woman were raped? Riiiight? So, these normies are uninformed, and don't get exposed enough to the reality of our epidemic. It's also partly the institutional statistics, which wouldn't have a complete picture would they, where the National Sexual Violence Resource Center is part of why we're ignored. From their and DOJ statistics for every ten rapes only one is a man. I and I believe you men will find that under-reported.
We know the stigmas carried from the two types I've already described cause us to push our trauma down. We're not likely to report it at the time, and even when it's decades later, it's still so visceral we feel it's a catch22. The lack of proper statistics, and that's by and large due to the single minded focus upon women, has left us wanting for public resources. We are barely on the radar.
I know this hurts me, and I know it hurts some others here as much as myself. There seem to be way too many who also find it offensive that women are getting that much support, while we men are expected to man-up and find our way on our own. It's frustrating and it's largely because society has long oppressed women, and now, as women have found placement in positions to influence their own services, that's become a near monopoly. I can now argue, that's not their fault. It truly isn't. Look at the two groups I just described. Neither of whom will care that men are left out.
Now the third group. We who are trying our best to get our lives back, and those who know us or know someone else like us. We and those other men are the minority. There are many women who know about us too. Nearly all have been trying to get their lives back, and are our allies. There are wives/partners and husbands/partners too, who have worked to help their loved one. We know there are issues for us, we write about them every day. We also know we're largely on our own, except where we find a good therapist, or somehow there's a group for us to attend. Very few resources are allocated to consideration of our extra needs.
We can work on that, and I have been for two years. We can consider that our own state and federal representatives need to consider us. We can do that by considering what organizations are influencing legislation with regard to sexual assault, rape and domestic violence and contact them. I have found two women who've been getting legislation into committee at the federal level and they've been receptive to my input. They know. Many know. Many more know than are given credit.
I've got to go now, I'll be back.
Here I want to note, that there are pioneers to the concept of being whom one is. Transgender people top that list, as they learned their bodies were the wrong sex. Then transvestites who find it freeing to express the femininity within. There's a fluid non-binary that exists as well. Trans men or trans women who were raped as boys, are with us in this.
What is "male culture", a quick Google search and this can be found:
In what has become my story, a story that has rape in it, that I'm a man brings historical connotation, aka bias. Those who embrace male culture might smirk at the idea a man can be raped? They've no experience to reference it, so they might dismiss it; invalidate it. They're probably not very social types, and haven't led a life considerate to others feelings, or the consequences of their actions affecting others. I might label them Brutes. Then there will be those who have some minor experience of this happening due to news or a friend discussing it? Perhaps that person will allow that it happens, but might not care enough to discern the nuance of what's really happening to boys and men. I might label them the normies. Then there's a more nuanced group which includes we with the experiences, and those who have known and been concerned or loved someone that has been raped or sexually abused. This group I might label as woke.
Why three groups, well I want this to be simple for me. I know there's an immense amount of nuance in each category, but I don't desire to go into those.
To consider that first group, I have been bullied by that type. To me they're sociopaths, lacking compassion or empathy. They abhor weakness, and project that toward males whom they presume to be weak physically or emotionally. Brawn vs Brain seems to fit. These kind would never believe a boy/man can be raped by a woman, it's inconceivable. To this kind of macho, it's reasonable to proclaim it an initiated the boy, or a man has scored. This is also where most of us were raised. This is the archetype a parent might believe justified in forcing upon male offspring. This is the place for societal norms and precisely why I want to be emancipated from it.
The second type seem redeemable to me. Though I don't want to exclude converts from the first group, it's not very likely many of them will respond to care, compassion, and empathy any time soon. This second is the type who can feel compassion and will express empathy, but has little time nor compulsion to consider getting involved or helping the concerns of boys and men with their needs. They live their life, because they've always seen that being done, it's to keep their hands out of trouble as much as possible, and that includes helping some types of need. The cultural norms for these men barely register boys and men get raped, and also can't imagine women or perpetrators. To them, it doesn't seem right. How does something like that happen, and also, how bad could that really be? To them, surely it's not as bad as if a woman were raped? Riiiight? So, these normies are uninformed, and don't get exposed enough to the reality of our epidemic. It's also partly the institutional statistics, which wouldn't have a complete picture would they, where the National Sexual Violence Resource Center is part of why we're ignored. From their and DOJ statistics for every ten rapes only one is a man. I and I believe you men will find that under-reported.
We know the stigmas carried from the two types I've already described cause us to push our trauma down. We're not likely to report it at the time, and even when it's decades later, it's still so visceral we feel it's a catch22. The lack of proper statistics, and that's by and large due to the single minded focus upon women, has left us wanting for public resources. We are barely on the radar.
I know this hurts me, and I know it hurts some others here as much as myself. There seem to be way too many who also find it offensive that women are getting that much support, while we men are expected to man-up and find our way on our own. It's frustrating and it's largely because society has long oppressed women, and now, as women have found placement in positions to influence their own services, that's become a near monopoly. I can now argue, that's not their fault. It truly isn't. Look at the two groups I just described. Neither of whom will care that men are left out.
Now the third group. We who are trying our best to get our lives back, and those who know us or know someone else like us. We and those other men are the minority. There are many women who know about us too. Nearly all have been trying to get their lives back, and are our allies. There are wives/partners and husbands/partners too, who have worked to help their loved one. We know there are issues for us, we write about them every day. We also know we're largely on our own, except where we find a good therapist, or somehow there's a group for us to attend. Very few resources are allocated to consideration of our extra needs.
We can work on that, and I have been for two years. We can consider that our own state and federal representatives need to consider us. We can do that by considering what organizations are influencing legislation with regard to sexual assault, rape and domestic violence and contact them. I have found two women who've been getting legislation into committee at the federal level and they've been receptive to my input. They know. Many know. Many more know than are given credit.
I've got to go now, I'll be back.
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