I Welcome All Men to Post Here, Straight, Gay, Bi

Hi Guys:

I'm not a mod so I don't set the rules around here. That's probably a good thing. I have a lot going on in my life right now. But....I think it is safe to say that anyone who wants to respond to any topic here should be welcome to do so. And I extend my hand of welcome to you now.

Are you Gay? Straight? Bisexual? Transgendered? Not Sure? Not into Labels? None of the Above?

Well, I hope this space is for you. As far as I am concerned any male survivor who is interested in any of the topics here--please feel free to post.

We don't bite. We won't make you gay. We just accept you as brothers. Am I right guys?

So please...don't be afraid. Even if you are 1000 percent straight, but are just curious about gay sexuality, don't be shy. This is your home too!

Is that okay, mods? I hope so!

All the best to you!

Jasper

 

[dwf]

Thanks, Jasper.

You have done a great job of expressing the way I feel about this forum also.

We are all survivors of sexual abuse. We are men, essentially the same inside.

Each of us has a lot to offer.

I think that learning to identify with others regardless of minor, external differences is a key step in my recovery.

For so many years, I felt so different from anyone I knew. The secrets about the sexual abuse I kept to myself made me feel like a freak.

Even though I put on a 'brave' front for the rest of the world to see, deep inside I felt worthless and hopeless. Like I was permanently flawed.

Since I have learned to see myself as a part of a larger whole, those feelings have changed. I have learned to have compassion and love for myself and also find that I have those to give to others.

These days I feel almost allergic to attempts to divide us into groups--whether its young and old, gay and straight or any variation of those difference making labels.

There is a tremendous strength and comfort in unity with fellow survivors and great wisdom in sharing in a common masculine identity. What I like the most, is that true unity and real solidarity also tolerates and even encourages the development and appreciation of diversity.

It seems paradoxical to me--as do most spiritual verities-- that it is finding our common ground we are enabled to grow our own unique garden of flowers.

Thanks, Jasper. You are a real asset to this community of survivors. You certainly keep the good old Gay Survivors forum hopping; and that is a great thing for new and old guys alike.

Regards,

 

There is a tremendous strength and comfort in unity with fellow survivors and great wisdom in sharing in a common masculine identity.

Danny,

Oh, you have such a wonderful way with words. And I thank you for your kind remarks.

I know for me something has changed for the better, just in the way I look at other men. Now I can see the tallest, widest, meanest looking man on the planet and know that there could be a little boy inside who is hurting. Likewise, I can look at a man who is slight of stature, soft outwardly, but inside there can be a true warrior!

For a gay man, it seems strange to admit this after all these years. But I LOVE men. Not in a sexual way. But in a manly kind of way. And not "manly" in any stereotypical sense. But "manly" in a Jasper kind of way.

For years, I heard certain males described as a real "man's man." And that expression made me snicker. Or it made me feel like they weren't talking about me. But today, I am a man's man. Maybe outwardly I am soft. But somewhere inside me is a real warrior. And when I find my inner warrior, I will stand at the side of any man (gay, straight, bisexual, or whatever) and I will do battle on his behalf if necessary.

If that's what it means to be "macho," sign me up!

Love you, guys!

Jasper

 

[medicb4]

As a straight guy (presently hunched over a PC) I can say one thing. It takes more courage to be a gay man (unfortunately) in society as it stands now.

Lesbians seem to have been glorified and I don't know exactly why that is. Well, OK...I know why that is - Porn consumers, and people that want to be porn consumers but can't quite take the step, buy all that crap.

I support anyone in thier quest for happiness and human companionship with consenting adults.

 

[roadrunner]

Jasper,

Thanks for your posts here - and everywhere else on the site! It is a good idea to remind guys that the gay forum is just another place to post and talk about our issues and problems. There is of course an emphasis for gay guys there, but fine, a lot of the issues are still the same. I have found it very helpful to read what goes on here and also to contribute. And yes, I wasn't bitten, wasn't "turned", etc., etc.

Apart from the friendships I have gained and the specific points on which I have benefitted, talking to guys in the gay forum is an important experience because it helps me to understand the huge amount of nonsense that traditional society churns out about what it means to be a man. A lot of the shame I felt as a boy had to do with the "background vibes" I was picking up about what boyhood and manhood mean. I should lose my virginity as quickly as possible, I should brag about sexual exploits to my friends (even when I didn't have any real exploits), "doing it" proves I am a man now, I should be tough and solve problems with my fists, I am a sissy if I cry or feel insecure, and on and on and on. We weren't told that in so many words, but that is what was "in the air". So when I was abused all these false ideas just tore me to pieces.

Of course it isn't just gay men who now resist and fight against these stupid views, but as straight men we can pick and choose our battles; we can decide okay today I just can't be bothered to speak out. Maybe tomorrow. But from what I see among our gay brothers this is a battle every day, a fight for the right to be who they are. They can't just walk away and say it doesn't matter today; or if they do, it is somehow a defeat, a kind of admission that maybe all the male macho bullshit is true, or that even if it isn't the fight against it just can't be won.

In huge ways their battle is our fight too. I am proud and honored to have gay friends, including guys here, and yes, in part specifically because they are gay friends. I am grateful for their integrity and friendship, and for the courage they show in trusting me and helping me to offload a lot of the crap macho burden that comes with CSA.

Larry

 

Thanks, guys! I really appreciate your nice words. And I am so thrilled to have you post here. Then again, we are one big family, in one big house, and this is just another room that you can freely enter any time you like.

And that, of course, goes for everyone else here!

You made my day. Thanks again!

Jasper