I was retaliated against for fighting back (Trigger warning?)

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Goldfish

Registrant
This is my story; I apologize if it might be in the wrong spot or a bit choppy.

When I was not quite 10 years old I had moved to a new city from our previous one that was quite honestly messed up and I was assigned to a new elementary school up here in the north central part of the USA. About a couple of weeks after I first attended classes here (I'll call this city Kumquat for reference for now) I noticed that the principal would give shoulder massages to the students at random while they ate in the cafeteria. It was obvious that most students didn't seem to care for the massages but from what I understood and what other students told me it was implied that this was basically a part of attending this elementary school here. None of the other teachers or staff did or said anything about this.

A few days later I was eating in the cafeteria at lunch break when I felt something trying to choke me from behind and I instinctually pulled away from it quite aggressively. I turned around and found that the principal had tried to 'massage' me. (I was busy eating and it was a noisy and crowded lunchroom so I didn't noticed him come up behind me.) We stared at each other for about 5 seconds and I told him not to do that again. He never tried it again but it was always difficult with him every time he was around; teachers at the school also tended to be a bit evasive around me and I felt that I was held to some stricter 'standards' as a student after that attempted grope in the cafeteria; for example, I had some problems with my grades afterwards and I made up a story to my parents and my teacher that there were Super Mario enemies under the school building that were bothering me when in reality I didn't like being at that school.

I never had another attempt on me in my school career but that uneasy presence was always there. Most of the students in my elementary classes were very...reserved to say the least and it was almost like a weird cult, like how you just don't say some things if you don't have a certain social status or aren't in the group as a whole. All the way through high school there was this unease and rigidity among the students that just didn't seem right. I know that a couple of teachers were caught sexually fooling around with students at a couple of the high schools here and some of the gym teachers were very interested in watching students change clothes in the locker room (I changed my clothes as far as I could from others because of this). Also, my reputation as being a 'trouble-maker' for refusing to go along with the grope massage in elementary school probably followed me into middle and high school; I noticed that the counselors and similar staff wouldn't work with me as much in middle and high school and I suspect that the school board here might have labeled 'uncooperative' students in their files. I received my paperwork from Kumquat's school district in my late 20s and I noticed that some paperwork was missing. Doesn't that seem strange?

I know that my fellow classmates were obviously messed up since the school district here had problems with drugs and gangs back in the 90s. I wouldn't be surprised if that comes from teachers and staff possibly abusing students behind the scenes. Even today I suspect that the school district here does this vile stuff; there are school teachers here that worked with me in retail and they don't like to talk about the school and don't take criticism of the schools here very well. One teacher who was good (who spoke out against some injustice in a smaller school district just outside Kumquat) was fired when she went on maternity leave and there was even an article back in the mid 2000s of some really bad racism at one of the high schools here.

I never told my parents or anyone else this mainly because at 10 years old I didn't understand the gravity of what happened and because this vile behavior permeates this city from what I've seen. I coped by burying it in my mind and hiding it as best as I could. That scared me the most and messed up my trust in people; I have never had a close friend and quite honestly I don't know how to make one. Also, the idea of an entire community being this evil would be frightening for a 10 year old or even a teenager as I grew up. Even today I still think that the abuse goes on because this school district and the city in general behave the same way they did almost 30 years ago.

There were a couple of events in my life that led me to investigate this part of my life. I started working in retail around 12 years ago and at that same time I began to understand how people socialized and the dynamics of how groups of people acted. I began to gather more information about cults and group behavior and I started to partially understand how a dysfunctional group works. A couple of years into my retail career I had a work injury and to make a long story short that was a nightmare I barely got out of (lots of stress from my employer, the hospital, etc) and it caused me to temporarily look back at my experiences in my youth; the lack of control during my surgery and recovery was what probably bothered me the most. I quit that job and drifted for a few years before I was hired on by a big box home improvement center and I started having anger issues shortly after I started working there. I'm not sure if it was the dysfunctional environment there or if dealing with the customers there triggered something in me to bring up those old demons but it was there. I left that job about a few months ago and now I am here writing this story here. I am coming up on the 30 year anniversary of that principal and his perverted game and I don't want to hide it anymore. That is my story; I know it's a bit odd and I feel awkward writing this but...here I am.
 
Reply deleted as thread was moved to Survivor Stories which stand without comment as the Survivor's truth.
 
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