I was abused

I was abused
S

simongb

Registrant
I am 37 years old and just beginning to come to terms with the fact that I was abused as a child. It happened when I was about 12 years old and it was with a female family friend. She made me fondle her and she fondled me, she would laugh at me if I became aroused and would make me fondle her while her husband or my parents were in the next room. This continued for about 4 years.She told me she loved me and that we could be together. She told me that I was her man and that she wanted to leave her husband for me (I was 12 years old). At the time I thought it was fun, but now I realise how this damaged me. I was in a constant state of anxiety for a lot of the time. I didn't have a normal relationship/dating experience growing up.
I am an 'in touch' guy and I am aware of my feelings, but the one thing that has amazed me is how disconnected I am from this period of my life. It's like it happened to someone else and not to me. I find myself so angry at her because I have had to struggle with the affects of this for my whole life and I am tired of it. I have had a string of bad relationships and I feel damaged somehow. I have abused alcohol, slept around, and repeated the same relationship patten over and over again. Can I get over this? Will I always be this way?
 
Simon,

Fist let me say welcome. It is sad what brings you here but I'm glad you found us. Second, let me say that you are not alone. What you describe is so familiar to those of us who are here. Every word of it. It's like you described any one of our lives, or all of our lives. We have and are feeling the things you feel. from the anger to the dissociation to the bad relationships and the adictive behaviors.

Can you get over it? Absolutely if you're willing to do the hardwork necessary for recovery. I would say that a good thing to do now that you've acknowledged the problem, is to look into counseling. It is NOT an admission of defeat and does NOT show a lack of manliness. It is one of the most courageous steps a survivor can take.

Will it always be this way? No. I do think that one needs to think of recovery from sexual abuse as a path to be traveled rather than a goal to be reached after which everything will be miraculously changed. The path indicates a step by step approach to getting better. One day at at time, one small step at a time.

There will be times you may wish you had never started down that path but as many of us have found, once on it, the option to get off the path only leads to worse things. Hopefully those times will be far outweighed by the reward you will feel from each small victory.

You've come to a great place here my friend. There are a lot of good guys here that can offer strength and support as you travel that path.

My best to you. I will be sending good thoughts your way as you begin the journey.

Courage my Friend,

John
 
Simon,

Welcome to the MS board.

No, you will not always be this way ... stick to the path of recovery so that things can change.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Welcome, Simon. You're here. You don't have to always be this way. You've started talking about it. You've started to heal. Bobby.
 
Simon,

Many of the issues you have posed are the questions that new guys here ask a lot. It is so much all at once.

There ARE answers, good answers and the kind of support and understanding you will need.

Much love,
Larry
 
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