I was about 8 years old when this CSA happened.>>>>TRIGGER WARNING<<<<
Jack1
Registrant
****TRIGGER WARNING****
For a long time I clearly remembered having a cord tightly tied around my young genitals, being led by a cord. That was the memory, nothing else.
Recently I recalled much more. The cord around my genitals was a bit painful but at least bearable. The thin cord, it was like a shoelace, was wrapped tightly around my small penis and testicles and from it there was a length of the cord being pulled, leading me as I walked, barefoot, naked and a bit cold. I remember walking from a dark room through a doorway and there were men, maybe a dozen, standing around in a smoke filled room. The smell of nicotine in the air was very strong. There was one bright light hanging in the middle of the room and because of the shade suspended from it, the men’s faces were in the dark, unseen. I was led to the middle of the room, directly under the light. Then a small figure stepped away from the men at the other end of the room and I could see that it was my older brother, also naked. The men then started all talking loudly, a jumble of loud voices I couldn’t understand. Someone shouted above the din “quiet and we’ll get started.”
I was told to kneel down and my brother stepped in front of me and saying “open up” placed his limp penis in my mouth. This was something I knew well and I immediately began pleasuring him as his penis grew in length and thickness. Even at ten years old, he had a rather large penis that I had sucked a number times before. After a bit someone said “that’s enough” and my brother stepped back. I was told to get down on my hands and knees and my brother positioned himself behind me. I reached around, grasping his penis and placed the tip of it at my rectum. He pressed it against me until it slowly penetrated my behind. This wasn’t at all unpleasant as it was something we had done before. He remained motionless for a bit as one of the men talked and then he began working his erect penis in and out.
During this time I could see the men who were crowded around and making loud comments but I still could not clearly see their faces in the shadows. It seemed so extremely odd, I felt so completely out of place, kneeling on my hands and knees, naked under the one glaring light, having a penis pleasantly pumping in and out of my butt hole while strange seemingly faceless men watched, looking at the two naked boys engaged in a sexual act. Why was I there and why were these men watching me while I was being sodomized in front of them? How did I end up there? Did I know any of them? Who were they? Was one of them my father? Had this type of activity happened before? Why was I not frightened? Why did I seem to know just what to do. Why did my brother seem to do as they wanted?
After a while I felt my brother orgasm. The man told him to get down next to me and after pulling his still hard penis from my rectum he did. Then one of the other men positioned himself behind my brother and quickly entered him. I knew I would be next but since I had previously been penetrated by my brother I didn’t think it would be difficult. I was wrong. A rather large man knelt behind me and painfully jammed his large penis into my anus. Normally with my brother or father the mild pain from penetration very quickly faded but with this man the pain only worsened. Just when I thought I might pass out from the pain, he orgasmed and pulled out of my rectum. Very quickly a new penis was introduced into my ass, fortunately one that was much less painful.
Each man took a turn including a few who knelt in front of us so we could suck their penises while others were doing us from behind. All of them took a turn sodomizing the two of us. After a while it was obvious that some of them had left and the ones that remained were quickly spent. I have no memory of what happened to us afterward other than lots of semen leaking from my butt hole and my anus and lower colon that were quite sore for a while. Because of our very strict family “code of silence” I didn't speak to my brother or anyone else about what happened. Later in life I had several short discussions with him where we revealed to each other some of the CSA we went through but not in great detail and not about this incident. Due to the CSA my life was more than a bit screwed up, my brothers life however was a total disaster and I sometimes wonder what terrible things happened to him as a child.
As I said, I originally only remembered the thin cord on my genitals. Then, like many times before, as I was waking up one morning I vividly remembered much more, the rest of it over a two day period. At first it was a bit unsettling (and I'm a bit embarrassed to say a bit of a turn on) but as the memories flowed I realized that it is part of my healing journey and I felt much calmer. Unfortunately it has raised many questions, some I feel will never be answered. I now wonder if this happened in some fraternal lodge. I'll never really know.
For a long time I clearly remembered having a cord tightly tied around my young genitals, being led by a cord. That was the memory, nothing else.
Recently I recalled much more. The cord around my genitals was a bit painful but at least bearable. The thin cord, it was like a shoelace, was wrapped tightly around my small penis and testicles and from it there was a length of the cord being pulled, leading me as I walked, barefoot, naked and a bit cold. I remember walking from a dark room through a doorway and there were men, maybe a dozen, standing around in a smoke filled room. The smell of nicotine in the air was very strong. There was one bright light hanging in the middle of the room and because of the shade suspended from it, the men’s faces were in the dark, unseen. I was led to the middle of the room, directly under the light. Then a small figure stepped away from the men at the other end of the room and I could see that it was my older brother, also naked. The men then started all talking loudly, a jumble of loud voices I couldn’t understand. Someone shouted above the din “quiet and we’ll get started.”
I was told to kneel down and my brother stepped in front of me and saying “open up” placed his limp penis in my mouth. This was something I knew well and I immediately began pleasuring him as his penis grew in length and thickness. Even at ten years old, he had a rather large penis that I had sucked a number times before. After a bit someone said “that’s enough” and my brother stepped back. I was told to get down on my hands and knees and my brother positioned himself behind me. I reached around, grasping his penis and placed the tip of it at my rectum. He pressed it against me until it slowly penetrated my behind. This wasn’t at all unpleasant as it was something we had done before. He remained motionless for a bit as one of the men talked and then he began working his erect penis in and out.
During this time I could see the men who were crowded around and making loud comments but I still could not clearly see their faces in the shadows. It seemed so extremely odd, I felt so completely out of place, kneeling on my hands and knees, naked under the one glaring light, having a penis pleasantly pumping in and out of my butt hole while strange seemingly faceless men watched, looking at the two naked boys engaged in a sexual act. Why was I there and why were these men watching me while I was being sodomized in front of them? How did I end up there? Did I know any of them? Who were they? Was one of them my father? Had this type of activity happened before? Why was I not frightened? Why did I seem to know just what to do. Why did my brother seem to do as they wanted?
After a while I felt my brother orgasm. The man told him to get down next to me and after pulling his still hard penis from my rectum he did. Then one of the other men positioned himself behind my brother and quickly entered him. I knew I would be next but since I had previously been penetrated by my brother I didn’t think it would be difficult. I was wrong. A rather large man knelt behind me and painfully jammed his large penis into my anus. Normally with my brother or father the mild pain from penetration very quickly faded but with this man the pain only worsened. Just when I thought I might pass out from the pain, he orgasmed and pulled out of my rectum. Very quickly a new penis was introduced into my ass, fortunately one that was much less painful.
Each man took a turn including a few who knelt in front of us so we could suck their penises while others were doing us from behind. All of them took a turn sodomizing the two of us. After a while it was obvious that some of them had left and the ones that remained were quickly spent. I have no memory of what happened to us afterward other than lots of semen leaking from my butt hole and my anus and lower colon that were quite sore for a while. Because of our very strict family “code of silence” I didn't speak to my brother or anyone else about what happened. Later in life I had several short discussions with him where we revealed to each other some of the CSA we went through but not in great detail and not about this incident. Due to the CSA my life was more than a bit screwed up, my brothers life however was a total disaster and I sometimes wonder what terrible things happened to him as a child.
As I said, I originally only remembered the thin cord on my genitals. Then, like many times before, as I was waking up one morning I vividly remembered much more, the rest of it over a two day period. At first it was a bit unsettling (and I'm a bit embarrassed to say a bit of a turn on) but as the memories flowed I realized that it is part of my healing journey and I felt much calmer. Unfortunately it has raised many questions, some I feel will never be answered. I now wonder if this happened in some fraternal lodge. I'll never really know.