I want to save the world, wanna help?
Do you ever get the sense that having gone through what you have you cant ever do enough to help other people going through the same/similar things.
Where do you draw the line?
Where do you draw the line?
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Felt exactly like that,
Draw the line at my own mental health, like putting the adult oxygen mask on first, then the childs.
If I go down, I can't help anyone so maintaining my mental strength and my happiness is the key for me while trying to help others. The problem is I used to go into superman mode and gave too much, which left me holding the bag of ***t.
Draw the line at my own mental health, like putting the adult oxygen mask on first, then the childs.
If I go down, I can't help anyone so maintaining my mental strength and my happiness is the key for me while trying to help others. The problem is I used to go into superman mode and gave too much, which left me holding the bag of ***t.
reality2k4
Registrant
I always looked after others, but when I need help I just dont bother.
It tires me no end to think that I feel so low sometimes.
I want to help the starving in Africa, pull the troops from Iraq to stop more killing.
The list is endless,
ste
It tires me no end to think that I feel so low sometimes.
I want to help the starving in Africa, pull the troops from Iraq to stop more killing.
The list is endless,
ste
roadrunner
Registrant
I think a good rule of thumb is to consider that in order to be decisively helpful to others you have to be in fairly good shape yourself. And bear in mind that it's enough to be an important cog in the machine. You don't have to do it all yourself.
Much love,
Larry
Much love,
Larry
Thanks Shadow, Im begining to realise this.....
roadrunner
Registrant
Shadow,
What an important point! I guess the bottom line is no matter how much you try, or want to help, there is no helping someone who won't or can't accept the fact that he needs that help. It tears me up, for example, that my friend from childhood who was abused with me thinks he has "gotten over it" when I can see very clearly that this is not the case. But that is how he feels. I have made overtures to him about all this, but he doesn't want to go there anymore. So much as I regret it, that's where I have to leave it.
Very sad.
Much love,
Larry
What an important point! I guess the bottom line is no matter how much you try, or want to help, there is no helping someone who won't or can't accept the fact that he needs that help. It tears me up, for example, that my friend from childhood who was abused with me thinks he has "gotten over it" when I can see very clearly that this is not the case. But that is how he feels. I have made overtures to him about all this, but he doesn't want to go there anymore. So much as I regret it, that's where I have to leave it.
Very sad.
Much love,
Larry
mark250676
Registrant
Larry,
I lost my best friend to the abuse. We were both abused. He came from a very paternal family that would never understand what he went through. I grew up with two sisters who loved me but I nearly lost them as well. It tok me nearly 20 years to open up to them and they sort of understood. I could imagine how difficult / impossible it must be for my best friend. I've had to watch him slowly sink into depression, self harm and lies about his whole life. I fear where it will end for him. But I've reached out, as you have, and never got anywhere. I love him as a friend and as much as I try I can't stop what's happening to him. It was nearly impossible for me. All I can say now is pray for him, and I'm not even religious.
Mark
PS Japanzen - I still think we can fight the overt predators though. Any help I can offer is always there.
I lost my best friend to the abuse. We were both abused. He came from a very paternal family that would never understand what he went through. I grew up with two sisters who loved me but I nearly lost them as well. It tok me nearly 20 years to open up to them and they sort of understood. I could imagine how difficult / impossible it must be for my best friend. I've had to watch him slowly sink into depression, self harm and lies about his whole life. I fear where it will end for him. But I've reached out, as you have, and never got anywhere. I love him as a friend and as much as I try I can't stop what's happening to him. It was nearly impossible for me. All I can say now is pray for him, and I'm not even religious.
Mark
PS Japanzen - I still think we can fight the overt predators though. Any help I can offer is always there.
roadrunner
Registrant
Mark,
I feel for your situation, believe me I do bro. Maybe you could send him a supportive letter. Tell him not to throw the letter away, but rather just keep it in case he decides he wants support and help. Let him know you are there for him without conditions or judgment. All he has to do is ask for help.
But that is about it I think. We simply cannot help someone who refuses to see how badly wrong things are going.
Please feel free to PM me about this if you like. I am reading a LOT of pain in your post, my friend.
Much love,
Larry
I feel for your situation, believe me I do bro. Maybe you could send him a supportive letter. Tell him not to throw the letter away, but rather just keep it in case he decides he wants support and help. Let him know you are there for him without conditions or judgment. All he has to do is ask for help.
But that is about it I think. We simply cannot help someone who refuses to see how badly wrong things are going.
Please feel free to PM me about this if you like. I am reading a LOT of pain in your post, my friend.
Much love,
Larry
mark250676
Registrant
Larry,
I sent the letter and he said it was 'nice' but he missed or chose not to see the cue's I thought I had put in the letter. From a personal point of view it took me years and years to make friends again without worrying about them getting hurt becuase of their connection to me. As people have said before the perp also made me feel that a lot of people that made freindly advances were just looking to abuse me again. So I've lost loads of friends but always put that on me. It's only now at 29 I'm getting that that isn't the case. I had another friend at the time and it wasn't until after the abuse ended that I found out my perp had 'used me' to abuse the other friend. He boasted to someone that he wanted my friend and the only way he could get to him would be to say he had abused me. He knew my friend looked up to me and knew my friend would think if it happened to mark then maybe it's ok. He fucked him to!
Mark
I sent the letter and he said it was 'nice' but he missed or chose not to see the cue's I thought I had put in the letter. From a personal point of view it took me years and years to make friends again without worrying about them getting hurt becuase of their connection to me. As people have said before the perp also made me feel that a lot of people that made freindly advances were just looking to abuse me again. So I've lost loads of friends but always put that on me. It's only now at 29 I'm getting that that isn't the case. I had another friend at the time and it wasn't until after the abuse ended that I found out my perp had 'used me' to abuse the other friend. He boasted to someone that he wanted my friend and the only way he could get to him would be to say he had abused me. He knew my friend looked up to me and knew my friend would think if it happened to mark then maybe it's ok. He fucked him to!
Mark
roadrunner
Registrant
Mark,
That's what perps do bro. They play with boys' minds and twist things around to confuse and manipulate a kid who is already afraid and mixed up.
In the case of my friend and I, the perp knew he could get either one of us to do anything just by threatening to harm the other. It freally was just that simple.
Losing friends: Again, right out of the "book" and not your fault. After the abuse ended I used to think that anyone who was nice or supportive to me just wanted to get into my pants. And they could have had me easily. I was that devastated, and I just didn't care anymore. But I was lucky - no prospective perp ever sniffed me out.
Take care Mark, and keep talking. It really does help.
Much love,
Larry
That's what perps do bro. They play with boys' minds and twist things around to confuse and manipulate a kid who is already afraid and mixed up.
In the case of my friend and I, the perp knew he could get either one of us to do anything just by threatening to harm the other. It freally was just that simple.
Losing friends: Again, right out of the "book" and not your fault. After the abuse ended I used to think that anyone who was nice or supportive to me just wanted to get into my pants. And they could have had me easily. I was that devastated, and I just didn't care anymore. But I was lucky - no prospective perp ever sniffed me out.
Take care Mark, and keep talking. It really does help.
Much love,
Larry
reality2k4
Registrant
Guess I have to address this to all here, but perps are very manipulative, and get better at it over time.
I could pretty much flush them out when I was a kid because they came looking for me.
I was too embarrassed to tell the cops who they were, wish I could have found that strength.
They know every trick in the book to keep a frightended kid from telling on them.
From exposure to friends or family, to actual threats of violence or death.
If you know a friend has been abused, it is OK to lead them into conversation, but wrong to try and get them to talk about it.
We all face experiences in a different way, and your friend may think he is sad for not being able to face it as you appear to do.
Leave an open invitation to talk things through, but tell them you will not invade their thoughts if they dont want to talk, and friendship will carry on.
Lloydy did a good analogy on friendships.
Your best friends are the ones who 'just seem to know without asking'.
The people who just know when you go silent, it is expected and not asked about.
The ones who still love you for your laughing, as well as the moodiness,
ste
I could pretty much flush them out when I was a kid because they came looking for me.
I was too embarrassed to tell the cops who they were, wish I could have found that strength.
They know every trick in the book to keep a frightended kid from telling on them.
From exposure to friends or family, to actual threats of violence or death.
If you know a friend has been abused, it is OK to lead them into conversation, but wrong to try and get them to talk about it.
We all face experiences in a different way, and your friend may think he is sad for not being able to face it as you appear to do.
Leave an open invitation to talk things through, but tell them you will not invade their thoughts if they dont want to talk, and friendship will carry on.
Lloydy did a good analogy on friendships.
Your best friends are the ones who 'just seem to know without asking'.
The people who just know when you go silent, it is expected and not asked about.
The ones who still love you for your laughing, as well as the moodiness,
ste
Zen
Seriously, the line is where you feel comfortable and safe.
Many of us go on to do something to help other survivors, and who better?, we 'know' what the score is!
It doesn't matter what we do to help, nothing another survivor does goes unnoticed or unapreciated by another survivor when help is offered.
Dave
"If you ever find the line - tell me!"Where do you draw the line?
Seriously, the line is where you feel comfortable and safe.
Many of us go on to do something to help other survivors, and who better?, we 'know' what the score is!
It doesn't matter what we do to help, nothing another survivor does goes unnoticed or unapreciated by another survivor when help is offered.
Dave
Similar threads
- Replies
- 3
- Views
- 98
- Replies
- 9
- Views
- 165
