I told.....

I told.....
K

klibs

Registrant
I told my therapist. Sort of. I had been wanting to tell him for the longest time but I have been too afraid. Afraid of what? I don't know. I had been giving him hints though, so I was hoping that he would just ask me about it.

I emailed him asking him to ask me what he thought the problem is and he told me he wasn't creative enough to think of what could possibly happen. During our session today he ran off things that people would be scared to tell him of. He asked me, "Have you ever killed someone?" I shook my head no. "Have you ever seen someone murdered?" I shook my head no. Then he asked me if I had ever been sexually molested. I said I didn't know.... ( I think I said that because I was still unsure if I wanted to tell him then).

After he asked me those things he said that's all I can think of. What happened? I told him that he had already guessed it. He said, "I have?! Today? In this session?" I nodded yes. He then asked me, "Were you sexually abused?" I nodded yes.

I felt so scared.... I told him that I didn't want to talk about it when he asked me a series of a lot of questions. He asked me if I had been hurt at all since the beginning of the session until where we were then. I shook my head no. So he said that it was safe to talk about it. I still was too scared though. He said if I continue to tell a little each session it will be a big relief to me.

Then I told him about this site.... And I tried to change the subject 230803580358 times (not literally...). But I couldn't believe I actually told him! I told him that I already regreted it and I felt really scared. I am still shaking and it's been more than an hour since it was over. I asked him why I wanted to tell him so badly and he said "to break the code of silence".

I actually sort of feel better now that I told him because I had been wanting to for so long now but too afraid. I still feel like I can't talk about it. I know I'll be really scared to go to the next session. :(
 
It is a big step telling.

It only gets better, let it all out as best you can. Healing does take time but haveing a T to help you makes it go faster. He is there to help you,trust him to do the right thing.
Tom
 
Klibs,

You've taken a big step in trusting someone else with your truth. May he be helpful to you.

Regardless of what happens with your therapist, the most important thing is that you have decided that you are important enough to be cared for. Your worth is enough to risk telling someone your scariest things.

Remember that if you don't want to talk about it at any given moment, you can always set that boundary with your therapist. You're the one in control of this dialogue.

Thank you for sharing your story here. It gives me hope for all of us.

Rabbit
 
Klibs,

I'm pleased. Pleased that you had the courage to tell him. Pleased that you are feeling even a little bit better because of telling.

The shakes you speak of are very common when disclosing about this kind of stuff. It happened to me the first several times I talked about it in T.

I was scared to go back too, but I did, and now it's easy (most of the time). Going tonight as a matter of fact.

Take good Care, Bro. You're doing Great.

John
 
you wanted to tell cause your getting better ,stronger everyday.good job. shadow
 
i once wrote here that silence was a prison and telling was the key that set me free. i told my wife first, and told my story here a few times, so when i walked into Howard's office, i guess i had become a little more comfortable talking about it. i also knew talking about it was key to recovery, so i just started jabbering on. you took a big step. take time to give yourself a pat on the back, and keep talking. that is what sets you free.
 
Breaking the code of silence is a very big step!

Well done & best wishes ...Rik
 
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