I told my girlfriend... feeling ashamed.
I told my girlfriend... feeling ashamed.
- Thread startersurvive75
- Start date
Gentlemen,
Amen to all the coments. Silence serves no one but the abusers.
And the pain of healing has to be better than the pain festering in silence. The latter may be duller and more familiar but it last forever if you let it.
All those years past are gone. Let's not add to them longer than necessary.
Peace to all.
Amen to all the coments. Silence serves no one but the abusers.
And the pain of healing has to be better than the pain festering in silence. The latter may be duller and more familiar but it last forever if you let it.
All those years past are gone. Let's not add to them longer than necessary.
Peace to all.
I think that to share this with someone who is good person at you is never bad thing. We learn more, and gain more with each time we can share any of this, and I think it loses some of it's power of us.
As I said, I told my friend in letter, and then explained a little more, of how long it went on, and how it now is affecting me. I did not tell her details. She said I can if I need to, but that I do not have to. It should be your choice always.
Good luck, with whatever you decide. Please take good care.
leosha
As I said, I told my friend in letter, and then explained a little more, of how long it went on, and how it now is affecting me. I did not tell her details. She said I can if I need to, but that I do not have to. It should be your choice always.
Good luck, with whatever you decide. Please take good care.
leosha
Hey Survive75,
I posted a reply to you on an older post of yours only to find that you have already told her. Anyway, hmmm...I think I can empathize with you.
One of the hardest things (especially as a younger guy) for me is to anticipate that people will understand what I said. I don't want pity, I don't want anything--I just want to let it out. The tough thing is that sometimes I am not sure if people understand it. This goes for a range of any issue for me.
Personally, the abuse issue for me was extremely emotional and wrapped up in other layers, and I think what I have learned is that it does help to come completely clean and unravel all these layers. Do not misunderstand, I do not know that you have to go into any gory details or anything if that is not what you want, but if you do have more to say (whatever it is), then it may help to let it out. Of course, it is up to you to gauge how your girlfriend took it. If she seems like she can handle it, I would side more on trying to open yourself up. However, if she is not certain how to deal with it (as she might not be), then doing a more piecemeal or subtle approach could help (after all, she is not a therapist, but your girlfriend--though personally, I do think that loved one is ultimately [though perhaps not initially] the one that will really get you through these abuse issues).
As I told you in another post, what may help is to write everything down that you want to possibly say (and actually write it as though you were talking to her). This personally helps me in focusing my points and ensuring that I don't get side-tracked and not tell the person all the things I want off my chest. If you feel really timid, you can even just give her that letter and have her read it in front of you. This way it allows you to get everything out, but it allows her to also take her time (she can pause from reading rather than having you just be in control and say everything out). Just as important, it allows you to respond to her reaction without having the added emotion of having to blurt everything out. Anyway, that's my two cents.
Well, I know's it's tough man, but hang in there. Many of us have done it, and we've all survived. In fact, so have you. Just try to focus on things one step at a time, don't try to do everything. For instance, if you are going to try the letter approach, just do it...don't start thinking well what if she says this and this...just keep writing and writing. If you have to, rewrite your letter, but the point is to try to focus yourself on one task, rather than overly worrying about everything (if that makes sense).
Anyway, like I said in another post, congrats. I do think this is a good marker for us survivors when we divulge our pain--as it shows that we are comfortable to trust others and also shows that we are ready to live our lives
I posted a reply to you on an older post of yours only to find that you have already told her. Anyway, hmmm...I think I can empathize with you.
One of the hardest things (especially as a younger guy) for me is to anticipate that people will understand what I said. I don't want pity, I don't want anything--I just want to let it out. The tough thing is that sometimes I am not sure if people understand it. This goes for a range of any issue for me.
Personally, the abuse issue for me was extremely emotional and wrapped up in other layers, and I think what I have learned is that it does help to come completely clean and unravel all these layers. Do not misunderstand, I do not know that you have to go into any gory details or anything if that is not what you want, but if you do have more to say (whatever it is), then it may help to let it out. Of course, it is up to you to gauge how your girlfriend took it. If she seems like she can handle it, I would side more on trying to open yourself up. However, if she is not certain how to deal with it (as she might not be), then doing a more piecemeal or subtle approach could help (after all, she is not a therapist, but your girlfriend--though personally, I do think that loved one is ultimately [though perhaps not initially] the one that will really get you through these abuse issues).
As I told you in another post, what may help is to write everything down that you want to possibly say (and actually write it as though you were talking to her). This personally helps me in focusing my points and ensuring that I don't get side-tracked and not tell the person all the things I want off my chest. If you feel really timid, you can even just give her that letter and have her read it in front of you. This way it allows you to get everything out, but it allows her to also take her time (she can pause from reading rather than having you just be in control and say everything out). Just as important, it allows you to respond to her reaction without having the added emotion of having to blurt everything out. Anyway, that's my two cents.
Well, I know's it's tough man, but hang in there. Many of us have done it, and we've all survived. In fact, so have you. Just try to focus on things one step at a time, don't try to do everything. For instance, if you are going to try the letter approach, just do it...don't start thinking well what if she says this and this...just keep writing and writing. If you have to, rewrite your letter, but the point is to try to focus yourself on one task, rather than overly worrying about everything (if that makes sense).
Anyway, like I said in another post, congrats. I do think this is a good marker for us survivors when we divulge our pain--as it shows that we are comfortable to trust others and also shows that we are ready to live our lives