I think I have lost my way
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
I think I have lost my way
- Thread starterCement
- Start date
Hi James, your past can be your best hope for renewed success. You have stopped before and you can do it again.
The less you think about an addiction you have, the better chance you have to do something else and get really involved in it.
When I get tempted to drink I make sure I am busy and around people who will support me and keep me tuned in to other things. It sure helps me. I hope something like it can help you.
Bob
The less you think about an addiction you have, the better chance you have to do something else and get really involved in it.
When I get tempted to drink I make sure I am busy and around people who will support me and keep me tuned in to other things. It sure helps me. I hope something like it can help you.
Bob
Cement,
Bob is right. And, you did right by being honest in your post, and seeking support from men who understand all about it. I know, what happens to me, and it usually begins with the first spin on that downward spiral. So please, brother, remember that "old saw" that goes, "HALT! Don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Be sure to Eat your dinner (don't drink it) Maintain your "cool". Talk to your brothers here for support, and get rest. Don't forget we need sleep to recharge our physical batteries. This all sounds very corny, but every bit of it has been helpful to me, and I hope will be to you.
I commend your courage to share this here. It has inspired me, and you know how it helps new guys who are struggling just like we are. The sharing gives psychological support to us all. Thanks Cement, you were a tremendous help to me when I first found this place. I am now in therapy because of the support I received from you specifically and so many others here, and I feel like I have been freed from such a burden. I feel more honest, and truthful, and having faced the truth I have been freed. Hang in there, brother. Sincerely, Jess.
Bob is right. And, you did right by being honest in your post, and seeking support from men who understand all about it. I know, what happens to me, and it usually begins with the first spin on that downward spiral. So please, brother, remember that "old saw" that goes, "HALT! Don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Be sure to Eat your dinner (don't drink it) Maintain your "cool". Talk to your brothers here for support, and get rest. Don't forget we need sleep to recharge our physical batteries. This all sounds very corny, but every bit of it has been helpful to me, and I hope will be to you.
I commend your courage to share this here. It has inspired me, and you know how it helps new guys who are struggling just like we are. The sharing gives psychological support to us all. Thanks Cement, you were a tremendous help to me when I first found this place. I am now in therapy because of the support I received from you specifically and so many others here, and I feel like I have been freed from such a burden. I feel more honest, and truthful, and having faced the truth I have been freed. Hang in there, brother. Sincerely, Jess.
James,
I went through the same thing a few weeks ago. I finally got out of it by telling someone what I was going through. It was a 1 hour phone call that just let it all out. I felt a little calmer right away. Do you have someone you can talk to like this?
Two days later, I just changed the scenery. Stayed late at work, went out shopping, the library, visited family, called people on the phone and made each other laugh while we watched the same show on tv.
It all got me back on track. Maybe some could help you right now. Keep posting. Tell us how you're doing.
We're all with you.
Donald
I went through the same thing a few weeks ago. I finally got out of it by telling someone what I was going through. It was a 1 hour phone call that just let it all out. I felt a little calmer right away. Do you have someone you can talk to like this?
Two days later, I just changed the scenery. Stayed late at work, went out shopping, the library, visited family, called people on the phone and made each other laugh while we watched the same show on tv.
It all got me back on track. Maybe some could help you right now. Keep posting. Tell us how you're doing.
We're all with you.
Donald
James you have done such good here for so many people,the healing power will come back your way soon.Thanks Cement, you were a tremendous help to me when I first found this place. I am now in therapy because of the support I received from you specifically and so many others here, and I feel like I have been freed from such a burden. I feel more honest, and truthful, and having faced the truth I have been freed. Hang in there, brother. Sincerely, Jess.
We must be on the same ROLLERCOSTER ride because I have been though the same shit as you. I think it is part of the the HEALING PROCESS. Why can I be so in control one day and acting out the next???????? Face it man we are on this WILD OUT OF CONTROL ride that we can only hope to hang on to. Don't let your self get too down about the set backs. 3 steps forward 2 back still eguals 1 MAJOR STEP FORWARD. Muldoon
JamesMichael
Registrant
Cement,
I've hit rough spots recently too. You're great. You're always so honest about your shit. Hang-on to MS. Private message me if you'd like. You've been there for me and others. Don't beat yourself up too much. Turn away or around or whatever, and you'll be back on the healing path.
G.
I've hit rough spots recently too. You're great. You're always so honest about your shit. Hang-on to MS. Private message me if you'd like. You've been there for me and others. Don't beat yourself up too much. Turn away or around or whatever, and you'll be back on the healing path.
G.
I have tears in my eyes.
When I read the posts last night and again this morning, I felt loved...
I feel like I can try.
and so, I am...it was so obsessive, I couldn't stop. It might not be easy today either, but I am going to give it my best shot, and not punish myself for slipping. That is the hard part right now. Not to feel guilty.
Dave, Bob, Jess, G., Muldoon, Don, Mike...look at you guys...I am more moved than I can express.
I am very lucky. That doesn't make sense. I am confused, can you tell? but, I am surviving. I am not spiralling. I will take comfort in that.
A million thank yous
James
When I read the posts last night and again this morning, I felt loved...
I feel like I can try.
and so, I am...it was so obsessive, I couldn't stop. It might not be easy today either, but I am going to give it my best shot, and not punish myself for slipping. That is the hard part right now. Not to feel guilty.
Dave, Bob, Jess, G., Muldoon, Don, Mike...look at you guys...I am more moved than I can express.
I am very lucky. That doesn't make sense. I am confused, can you tell? but, I am surviving. I am not spiralling. I will take comfort in that.
A million thank yous
James
James I so relate & empathize with this bro. My OCD is in full operation when it comes to my sex addiction to FPM (Fantasy Porn Masturbation). it is really hard to stop. And really hard not to feel guilty when I don't stop. Which just makes me go all the more.
and so, I am...it was so obsessive, I couldn't stop. It might not be easy today either, but I am going to give it my best shot, and not punish myself for slipping. That is the hard part right now. Not to feel guilty.
James
Talking about it and getting support like you are here is a vital part of breaking that vicious cycle. Sharing consolation in slips and sharing the joy of victories, one day, even one moment at a time, helps so much.
Being able to talk it out, vent, get support, here & in At Risk Members forum, has really helped me stay "sober" these last few days, as I've been in a real slip n slide myself.
It's sad so many of us have to deal with this kind of thing (about 85% of survivors do supposedly). But it's so great we can be here to 100% support each other thru it!
Take care & take it easy bro
Victor
JamesMichael
Registrant
I'm where Cement was when he started the thread. Struggling with confrontations, who to trust, feeling anxious. Wanting relief, comfort. Still have to keep head above water for wife, kids, work. Struggle too with intimacy, how much to cover with therapist. Want more than ever to feel truly alive: to know and be known. I want love. Have I ever really known love? Have I ever really been loved...really? I don't know. I don't think so.
Mike Church
Registrant
James Michael
You said.I want love. Have I ever really known love? Have I ever really been loved...really? I don't know. I don't think so.
I was always terrified of love. I did not want to ever make myself vulnerable. NOT EVER. Who did this hurt. Those close to me yes. Who got hur the most. ME MY BROTHER. I missed so much because I always thought love had a price tag and was only for normal people and not some piece of dirt like myself. If they knew my background they would dissapear. Well you know something I guess I was lucky. I am not afraid to show love any more. I do it by being as good a husband to wife and a father to my daughter. I still have a lot of problems with intimacy including sex. I will work it out though. In the meantime I am letting the little me into the sunshine to play a more active roll in our lives.
Brother you can share with us and we can tell you what worked for us. Just be gentle with yourself and take it a day at a time. Not even God made everything in just one day. Little steps all the time can lead to a fantastic journey of renewal. Your not knowing if you have really loved is a common one with us. Ask the little you inside what is his definition of love. Remember he has been in jail since you were abused. In effect he remembers what it was like before jail. Let him fill you in. You might be really surprised and what he tells you.
You said.I want love. Have I ever really known love? Have I ever really been loved...really? I don't know. I don't think so.
I was always terrified of love. I did not want to ever make myself vulnerable. NOT EVER. Who did this hurt. Those close to me yes. Who got hur the most. ME MY BROTHER. I missed so much because I always thought love had a price tag and was only for normal people and not some piece of dirt like myself. If they knew my background they would dissapear. Well you know something I guess I was lucky. I am not afraid to show love any more. I do it by being as good a husband to wife and a father to my daughter. I still have a lot of problems with intimacy including sex. I will work it out though. In the meantime I am letting the little me into the sunshine to play a more active roll in our lives.
Brother you can share with us and we can tell you what worked for us. Just be gentle with yourself and take it a day at a time. Not even God made everything in just one day. Little steps all the time can lead to a fantastic journey of renewal. Your not knowing if you have really loved is a common one with us. Ask the little you inside what is his definition of love. Remember he has been in jail since you were abused. In effect he remembers what it was like before jail. Let him fill you in. You might be really surprised and what he tells you.
ScottyTodd
Registrant
Cement - I realize too the power of that drive and energy. I'm glad you decided to turn things around and YES I know it's tough...been there!! I have ADD and work best from phrases; maybe one may click and give you more tools to help:
Make clear difference between what I need
and what I want!!...then follow your needs;
One Day at a time (sometimes it's one hour,
one minute, one second..things pass)
Focus on what I CAN DO not what I can't do
Is that part of my solution or cause me
more problems?
The main thing is to KEEP the Main Thing
the main thing!! (it gives direction)
God luck! Focus in front of you - keep going forward!!
Make clear difference between what I need
and what I want!!...then follow your needs;
One Day at a time (sometimes it's one hour,
one minute, one second..things pass)
Focus on what I CAN DO not what I can't do
Is that part of my solution or cause me
more problems?
The main thing is to KEEP the Main Thing
the main thing!! (it gives direction)
God luck! Focus in front of you - keep going forward!!
Hello, brothers. I am also spinning out of control. I have sunk into the place of self-pity and acting out. It started last week when one of my closest friends moved from DC to Baltimore, where I live. In fact, he and I are sharing a new apartment/house that will be a good thing for me since I am very lonely in Baltimore. I moved here a year ago for a new job and have done nothing to make new friends in the city.
Anyway, this friend of mine gets high on pot all the time which is a weakness of mine and part, I fear, of the problem for me. I usually get hornier when I use pot and then I begin to act out.
Combine this with how miserable I feel right now about having lost my partner, Mark, because he left me over one month ago so that I could "heal". I keep blaming myself and adding to my sense of guilt and failure. I don't understand yet how this happened to me and how to get better. I also fear that my ex partner is also really a SA but he has used my admitted incest as an excuse for himself to return to acting out.
It's all so complicated and I am unhappy about how much I have allowed myself to "slip" into old behaviors. I need to get control of this, but my heart aches so much about my present life I am sometimes considering giving up entirely, too.
I continue to read from the sidelines, but this week has been very bad for me - with the almost 30 inches of snow we got last weekend, I was "stranded" for three days with no way to work and my therapy session got cancelled due to the weather, which made me even sadder and more desperate.
Help me find strength to carry on, brothers. I hate being a victim of all of this.
Anyway, this friend of mine gets high on pot all the time which is a weakness of mine and part, I fear, of the problem for me. I usually get hornier when I use pot and then I begin to act out.
Combine this with how miserable I feel right now about having lost my partner, Mark, because he left me over one month ago so that I could "heal". I keep blaming myself and adding to my sense of guilt and failure. I don't understand yet how this happened to me and how to get better. I also fear that my ex partner is also really a SA but he has used my admitted incest as an excuse for himself to return to acting out.
It's all so complicated and I am unhappy about how much I have allowed myself to "slip" into old behaviors. I need to get control of this, but my heart aches so much about my present life I am sometimes considering giving up entirely, too.
I continue to read from the sidelines, but this week has been very bad for me - with the almost 30 inches of snow we got last weekend, I was "stranded" for three days with no way to work and my therapy session got cancelled due to the weather, which made me even sadder and more desperate.
Help me find strength to carry on, brothers. I hate being a victim of all of this.