I think he hates me now.

I think he hates me now.
O

orlando

Registrant
Okay so yeah, if you read the post that Camron , put up for me it said I was trying to sort somtnihg out with my room mate. And I was, I decided to tell him that I had been raped, I sat down with him, and at first I started okay, but as I talked to him more I just let the flood gates open and started crying, when I told him what had happened and when , he just sat there, in silence, and he stood up an said, 'ive got to process all of this, gimmie some time okay?' he didddnt say it nastily, more like quiet, Hes still in his room right now, and hes been there for about two hours, I think he hates me for telling him, I wanna cry so bad, but I dont wan him to hate me even more. Ive totally screwed up our friendship now, I should be thrown in prison for that. I dont know what im gonna do now, im so stupid, what can I do?
Sometimes I wish, that I could die and be reborn s that I can start afresh new life, Im so screwed up. sorry.
 
Orlando,

Sounds to me that your friend is probably thinking about a lot of things. One of which is the question about the people at that party. I know those things can happen but he must be wondering how much you had to do with it. I mean, does he think that you went willingly up stairs for consensual sex?
I don't know what your understanding was with each other. He may be completely sympathetic with how you were treated but he may be conflicted if he thought that you were saving yourself for him.
I'm making this sound too much like Ann Landers and I don't mean to. I think how you were abused is atrocious, but he may be thinking that you shouldn't have gone anywhere, with anyone, but him.
Don't know if that helps with any discussion that I hope that you get the chance to have with him.
You deserve to be heard, I hope that he gives you that chance.
Good luck,
Peace, strength and courage,

David
 
Orlando,

You've been through a very traumatic experience and it's difficult to talk about. Of course you're going to be emotional. And your friend is going to be emotional, too. It's hard on those who love survivors, just like it's on ourselves.

Please give him the time he needs to sort it out. And, remember what I said, the first person who you need to worry about is YOU. If your friend can't handle it when it's rough, do you really want that kind of person in your life?

You are worth so much more than what's happened to you, my friend. You are meant for greater things than this. And you will make it through, I know you will.

PM me if you need anything.

Peace and MUCH love,

Scot
 
Orlando - the first time I even told anyone that I had been abused, it was to 3 friends in a strip bar of all places...this was approximately 2 years before I told anyone the full details (32 years after the events).

I wondered initially what their reaction would be when I woke up the next day & recalled the night before - I at first thought...'shit, there's 3 friends down the pan'. I was wrong - they all turned up at different times over the next few days to check that I was OK. I think they'd arranged the times betwen them, though they still have to admit this.

This kept me going for a while but I went into a steady decline without realising it (we're bloody good at hiding things - how many survivors could gain an oscar).

I exploded Dec 18th last year (just over 2 years after initially speaking out)- those friends heard a lot more of the details & I know that those 3 friends had a lot to take in they did not like to think that those things had happened to me (or anyone)- they needed time to process the information...I'd had 34 years & just hit them with everything.

They are good friends - if they weren't they would have walked away. There are many others that now know & I'm still waiting for a negative reaction - when it comes, I think I will be calling someone a nazi (my comments would be supported).

Conclusion - we hold this information within ourselves for so long, please do not expect others to process it fully in a short time frame. Let your friend process the information - let them read the postings here...sometimes people don't know what to say to us or how to help.

Love & best wishes to everyone ...Rik
 
Orlando,

you say he wasn't nasty, he was just quiet. It doesn't sound like he hates you. It sounds like he must do what he said, process it. This is not just like telling someone we stole a candy bar when we were six years age, or that we were late on water bill last month. It does take time to process, because it brings up lot of emotion in the other person also. We, the ones telling it, we are so paranoid that if someone belch while we are talking, we will feel it is they do not want to hear us no more. When really, they just finished a soda or something.

I think your friend feels great grief for you. He feels maybe guilty, to not have somehow 'known' this before now. He probably feels great anger at the person responsible. He probably feels helpless, that he can't make it better for you. As many feelings you are having, he is probably have close as many also.

I think you both will be okay, and he will remain a source of strength and support to you. Please try to not think the worst unless the worst happens. Take care of yourself,

Leosha
 
okay guys, im sorry I overeeact all the time, I just panicked, and its the first thing that came in to my head, so im sorry.I tend to screw things up like this *smacks hand* stupid orlando, my mum used to say to me engage brain before opening your mouth, I wish id done that before i posted, I sound like such an idiot,

I diddnt think at all, I was just so upset, i thought hed hate me for it., but things have calmed down, and now Im calmed down myself, and I can see how stupid my post was, so im sorry if i wasted anyones time.My room mate seemed okay with me, he asked me if I was okay and if I was mad at him, I said no, and he said he'd be willing to help me, im so stupid, I always get upset, im just so idiotic, I cant belive how upset I got, and not only that ive wasted peoples time, because im selfish. im so sorry.
I panicked, and just started typing, its like this place has become my haven, I vent on here, when no one else listens, so im sorry everyone. about this post, dont get to mad at me.
 
Orlando,

This place is FOR ranting and raving and screaming and hooting and hollering.

If I had a dime for EVERY SINGLE TIME I screamed out here in frustration, well, I wouldn't be in debt or need to play the lottery. :D

It's NOT a waste of time if you need to vent. Not yours, mine, anyone's. We NEED to be heard.

You've been heard.

I hope you're better, and you know you can PM if you need anything.

Peace and love, my brother,

Scot
 
I once had an online friend come out of the closet to me via email. And just a few hours after he sent the first one, he sent one saying something like "Well I guess you don't still want to be friends." But I had not even read my email yet, so I had those two in my inbox when I checked email.

Do not beat yourself up over your over reacting. Learn to accept and experience your reactions. I think survivors do tend to project their emotions on others alot. I know I did as a kid and teenager. I tended to project the low self image I had of myself as others not liking me. When in fact some people did and some didn't. As an adult I have learned not to care so much what everybody thinks.
 
Orlando
im so stupid, I always get upset, im just so idiotic, I cant belive how upset I got, and not only that ive wasted peoples time, because im selfish. im so sorry.
Click to expand...
You're not 'stupid or idiotic' - you're here and wanting to get better, and that's not what idiots do.
And neither are you 'selfish' you waited for a response from your room-mate rather than just reacting against him instantly, that's not selfish.

What I think you are feeling however is the rock bottom self-esteem that the abuse leaves us with.
We feel that we are so unworthy, and only of any use for one thing - sex - that we wonder why anyone would bother with us in any kind of 'normal' way.
And when they do, we just dont know how to deal with it.

But we do learn these things as we heal, we slowly realise that other people do like us for the men we really are, and that's a wonderful feeling.

Dave
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top