I survived my first Therapy session
Grunty1967b
Registrant
Well, I did it. I survived my first appointment with my first T (therapist). Naturally things feel very raw for me at the moment but I wanted to share a few things with my friends here. You have been very supportive, understanding and encouraging in this anxious time for me.
Larry, thankyou for the insight about a good T easing into a intro session and not getting into the heavy stuff straight away. I did walk away thinking why didnt we cover the real reasons that Im there. That makes so much sense now. What surprised me was the other stuff that came up. She really pressed my buttons when we got talking about my family background. I knew it wasnt fun and she guessed that my sexual abuse was just one facet of my history that needed dealing with. Unsurprisingly I guess was that the family environment was conducive for the sexual abuse to take place, but other issues are, well, issues that also need resolving at some time.
John, your suggestion to be as open and honest as possible was great. I must admit I was working out in my mind how much I should tell and how much Id hold back on. Silly really. If Im going to get help I need to be honest, when of course I am comfortable to do so. Anyway, Im sure its nothing they havent heard before.
An insightful thing that my T honed in on last night was when she was gathering background info on me and asked the age of my perp. I told her I wasnt comfortable disclosing that yet. She sussed that out right away and suggested I wasnt comfortable disclosing that because inwardly I felt ashamed and at fault because in my mind the age difference was not enough for me to feel like I was an unwilling accomplice. Isnt the mind amazing in that my adult mind realises I was not to blame but my childhood thoughts and feelings on that are different? I think Im now JUST starting to see why guys here talk about their child views versus their adult views. I think my child has been told to be quiet and just ignore everything.
Rivers, thanks also for your PM and your thoughts of me and my impending therapist appointment.
I wanted everything to be talked about yesterday and I wanted all the solutions and the how tos so that I could take a list away and be all done by next week (I would have said tomorrow, but Im trying to be realistic and not rush things too much)
Joke.
If I could summarise how Im feeling at the moment D Day plus 1, its like a lid has been taken off a can of asparagus spears and if you touch the heads of the asparagus youll damage them. My mind feels very exposed and fragile. I expressed my concern to my T that as Ive been dealing with all this stuff in earnest these last few months and allowing myself to feel emotions, Im concerned that Ill have an emotional breakdown. All these emotions are new to me as theyve been suppressed for years. She assured me that most people feel this way in the beginning and the fact that Im feeling this way is a sign that I am starting to truly recover. That is a relief but at the same time Im more than happy to move on from emotion land. Perhaps I just need to get used to having emotions. Im sure theyre there for a [good] reason.
Anyway, thats a brief update from me. Even though Im feeling what I am I wanted to take the time to share that with you, my supportive friends here at MS. This site and this community has been a life changer for me.
Larry, thankyou for the insight about a good T easing into a intro session and not getting into the heavy stuff straight away. I did walk away thinking why didnt we cover the real reasons that Im there. That makes so much sense now. What surprised me was the other stuff that came up. She really pressed my buttons when we got talking about my family background. I knew it wasnt fun and she guessed that my sexual abuse was just one facet of my history that needed dealing with. Unsurprisingly I guess was that the family environment was conducive for the sexual abuse to take place, but other issues are, well, issues that also need resolving at some time.
John, your suggestion to be as open and honest as possible was great. I must admit I was working out in my mind how much I should tell and how much Id hold back on. Silly really. If Im going to get help I need to be honest, when of course I am comfortable to do so. Anyway, Im sure its nothing they havent heard before.
An insightful thing that my T honed in on last night was when she was gathering background info on me and asked the age of my perp. I told her I wasnt comfortable disclosing that yet. She sussed that out right away and suggested I wasnt comfortable disclosing that because inwardly I felt ashamed and at fault because in my mind the age difference was not enough for me to feel like I was an unwilling accomplice. Isnt the mind amazing in that my adult mind realises I was not to blame but my childhood thoughts and feelings on that are different? I think Im now JUST starting to see why guys here talk about their child views versus their adult views. I think my child has been told to be quiet and just ignore everything.
Rivers, thanks also for your PM and your thoughts of me and my impending therapist appointment.
I wanted everything to be talked about yesterday and I wanted all the solutions and the how tos so that I could take a list away and be all done by next week (I would have said tomorrow, but Im trying to be realistic and not rush things too much)
Joke.If I could summarise how Im feeling at the moment D Day plus 1, its like a lid has been taken off a can of asparagus spears and if you touch the heads of the asparagus youll damage them. My mind feels very exposed and fragile. I expressed my concern to my T that as Ive been dealing with all this stuff in earnest these last few months and allowing myself to feel emotions, Im concerned that Ill have an emotional breakdown. All these emotions are new to me as theyve been suppressed for years. She assured me that most people feel this way in the beginning and the fact that Im feeling this way is a sign that I am starting to truly recover. That is a relief but at the same time Im more than happy to move on from emotion land. Perhaps I just need to get used to having emotions. Im sure theyre there for a [good] reason.
Anyway, thats a brief update from me. Even though Im feeling what I am I wanted to take the time to share that with you, my supportive friends here at MS. This site and this community has been a life changer for me.
I'm happy you've started your path, hope you don't run into too many bumps along the road, but they will be there and we'll be here to help you over them. Thanks for sharing - John