I regret every single same sex encounter I've ever had

I'll chime in until Jeff comments. Survivors of CSA inevitably carry shame in one form or another... why did he pick me? It felt good sometimes so I must really have wanted it. I began looking for contact with men so I must have really been gay all along... Take your pick, though the list is much longer than that. Because we feel shame we generally don't feel taking care of ourselves is important. It is difficult to register simple facts like a seven year isn't old enough to do anything but what he is forced to do and that what happened really was exploitation by someone older and bigger. To get to that place we need to begin cutting ourselves some slack. That can mean finally looking at the child we were and finding compassion for that small boy, for the horror he survived. Out of self compassion we can stop focusing on the negatives about ourselves and can begin mobilizing ourselves to take better care of ourselves. We can recognize that using pornography isn't a great way to spend our time. Sexual acting out in ways we've done in the past isn't a great way to spend our time. Both of those behaviors have the potential to perpetuate our shame because often we feel bad about ourselves AFTER we've done them. Self-compassion makes self-care possible and self-care supports us in our healing journey. We won't heal if we continue to believe we're worthless. My two cents. We'll see what Jeff has to share on the topic.
I think visitor did really well on that! Self-compassion for our younger self can free us from shame.


I was so lost and so dead in certain ways that when the abuse happened, it was so scary and lonely and confusing and had the physical pleasure element to it that it changed everything and it lit me up in ways that I was supposed to be lit up but not by this person and not in this way and not in secret and not by an adult and not without consent and not without peers and/or family to discuss things with.
What a gut-wrenching, heartfelt sentence -- jam-packed with feeling. It really helped me to relate to some things inside of myself. Thank you.