i really need to get high

i really need to get high
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
real bad
 
Adam,

You have been through a lot. This is a normal feeling for someone who has been where you have been. Sometimes we have to take it one minute at a time. We are all pulling for you!

Brian
 
I of all people understand that need. I wont say dont do it, but if you do, dont beat yourself up about it, just the next day concentrate on keeping clean again.
 
maybe its just an excuse or its cause of head injuries but without meth i cant seem to keep up with life ,too many decisions to make to many people looking at me inside and out ,too many thoughts and memories ,i cant even think long enough about any one thing to make a decision . the meth speeds me up , i can think about more stuff all at the same time ,its just how my brain works i guess ,without the meth i'm slow in my thinking ,is it just my way of avoiding the fact im addicted ,or is it because of the damage the beatings did to me ? before the abuse i was an a student ,after i was in the slow classes ,either way its still the perps fault that i have any of these problems ,still wanna get high ,more than anything ,weird huh how even something as good as getting over the abuse means nothing when your jonesing, i need to get iced .but i wont ,not because im strong or brave or any good reason ,because i'm 500 miles from anybody i know where i could get a fix . maybe sometime i can say i wont do it because its not helping and only hurting .or because people are depending on me to get better,but for now i know if i could ,i would.
 
Adam,

The problems you are facing are real ones, and you can't do better than be honest about them. I hope you will always keep that up.

I'll just join Dunx in saying I know how that feels. All you can do is give it your best; if you fall short, okay, get back up and keep going. You didn't get into meth like this in a day, after all.

But above all, do it for Adam: both you and Little Adam. You both deserve a lot better than the world that meth can give you, which isn't a hell of a lot.

Much love,
Larry
 
i know how hard it can be to kick drugs in general, and cope with the jonesing, i been there myself, not with meth, but other drugs. its definitely difficult to say the least, but hang in there man... it gets better, and the jonesing goes away afterwhile. try to find somethin positive to focus on, helps keep your mind from thinking bout a fix. once you do get through it though, you feel a ton better knowing that you dont need that crap to keep you goin.

no matter what positive effect you can see from doing meth, there are sooooooo many more negatives, and I know you've heard it all before.. but those negatives are true, and very real. stay strong and hang in there, and things will start to look up, and hopefully get a little easier...

peace,
cpt.
 
Iam sure if you smoked a joint you would feel better temporaly .But when the buzz was gone you would still be there with your problems .
no matter where you go you are still there

"I HAVE GONE TO LOOK FOR MY SELF IF I SHOULD RETURN BEFORE I GET BACK PLAEAS KEEP ME HERE"
 
Having thought about this alot, I would like to suggest (I dont know if its possible for you) you try another way of getting a buzz.

For me that was snowboarding.

Try a bungy jump.

Try downhill mountain biking or any other extreme sport.

You'd be surprised how high that can make you feel.

Again, I would like to say (without sounding like a preacher) I know what Im talking about and please trust me.

A bungy jump would buzz you up more than METH ever did. Thats a promise.
 
I was at a party the other night w/ some old friends, I knew I had no business being there, way too tempting to grab that pipe or stick that needle in... as soon as it occurred to me that I might like to join in, I grabbed my keys and left. I was on one of the bikes from the shop and talk about extreme... I know I was doing well over 100 on the highway. Not real smart but talk about being out of control and adrenaline... I mean if I hit a damn rock in the road I was all done, and I didn't even care.
A real stupid thing to do, kind of like fighting fire with fire, but I'm not addicted to driving like a fucking maniac on my motorcycle and it didn't kill me so... it was an ok substitue for the heroin I guess.
Sorry, didn't mean to add all this onto your post Adam, I just know how it feels. Hang in there.
J
 
Jay,

I think you make an excellent point. One thing I learned when I was going through this was that I absolutely had to change the crowd I was hanging with. It was funny for a few times being the only guy in the room who wasn't high, but after awhile you realize you just don't fit in anymore.

Your solution was dead right Jay: pick up the keys and walk. It really is the only way to get free from all the crap. At some point we have to decide: Am I going to live for me, or am I going to join these other guys and waste my own life just because that's what they are doing with their lives?

Much love,
Larry
 
Adam,

A very wise friend here once told me that one of the greatest challenges for a survivor is to recognize his needs and to ask for the help he needs to make sure they are met.

Please don't hesitate to call on your friends here on the site. Nobody here will judge you - I think you already know that. And no one will think you are weak or letting us down. Drugs are a bitch to shake off; you don't need to be alone in your task, okay?

Much love,
Larry
 
Right, I don't want to waste the rest of my life, enough of it was wasted already. But if I could only just have one beer or one hit and then walk away... that would be great. But I know it's impossible. I also knew if I stayed there and started drinking/drugging with them it would turn into other things ya know? That's funny to me too, when I was all fucked up on drugs it was the only thing I could think of, loved doing it... or I just made myself think I loved it. But sober... no thanks, it's the very last situation I want to get myself into!
J
 
Jay,

I stopped getting totally wrecked years ago.
Drinking day and night doing dope, I turned around one day and thought my body has had enough.

I stood back from the situation and thought!
How could I do that to myself?
Those drugs are toxic, that is why your mind craves it.

If you do a good workout, it releases opiates in your body, a natural way of fixing hurt.

ste
 
Jay,

I wonder what you make of this observation of yours, if you look at it more closely:

I also knew if I stayed there and started drinking/drugging with them it would turn into other things ya know? That's funny to me too, when I was all fucked up on drugs it was the only thing I could think of, loved doing it... or I just made myself think I loved it. But sober... no thanks, it's the very last situation I want to get myself into!
Click to expand...
In my case, I learned to see - when I was sober and straight of course - that when I was drunk and high I was with other people doing the same thing and we all "enabled" each other to accept as normal how much we were losing from our lives by laying around too fucked up to really participate in life at all. The world was passing us by, but we didn't care. Sitting around together, all of us fucked up, it seemed enough to spend an hour trying to figure out if the TV was on or off, and then another hour arguing where to go to for a walk, then another hour trying to get downstairs, then giving up and going back to see if the TV was on or off, ... ... ...

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry, if I look at it more closely I can't really tell you what I make of it without getting way too graphic here.... and I know I can here so long as I put a trigger warning... but it's just too early for me to be talking like that :)
Maybe after I finish this pot of coffee I'll talk more about it.
J
 
Jay,

I do know what you mean. You will find your way to talk about it when you need to and when you feel able. That's fine.

Much love,
Larry
 
It's just that I am so damn pissed off at myself for getting into those kinds of situations and for allowing certain things to happen. I'm pissed off at myself and disgusted with myself about it.
 
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