I really hurt for what H went thru.

[hurting4H]

H told me a few years into our marriage about his abuse as a very young child. I didn't press for details, so I wasn't sure of the intensity and everything he went thru....until recently. I'm so sad for him and I hurt for what happened to him repeatedly. He never told anyone, it's a family member, and he believes his mom would be devastated. He feels he dealt with it a long time ago, he found God and that helped w/ the healing and forgiveness issues. And that's fine, if he feels he's fine now, great. But I'm not sure what to do with my feelings. I mean, everything seems pretty normal in our marriage. We have 3 children together and 2 are boys, and I can't imagine anything like happening to them.

So when I look at my husband, I see my boys, in return, I see what happened to him, and my heart breaks.

Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
hurting4H

 

[Trish4850]

Hurting,

I'm so sorry for the fear you live with now. It's every good parent's nightmare to even think about anyone harming their child. You do have a leg up though. You and your husband know the horrors he went through - you don't have your head stuck in the sand like many other parents, myself included. CSA is not something I ever thought about - it only happened to "other" people.

We can't protect our children from everything, but knowing the dangers that exist sure helps a great deal.

ROCK ON........Trish

 

[SAR]

hurting4h,

I also share your fears as a parent... and your hurt as a partner. I know that for many survivors, coping with their own abuse history takes on a different meaning as their children approach the age the survivor was at the time of the abuse. It's good that you know some of your husband's story and can maybe be there for him as he watches his boys grow.

What brings me the most comfort as a parent is the knowledge that there is an open, respectful channel of communication between my partner and I and our children, and that they're not afraid to get in trouble for sharing their secrets. They're lucky to have several adults in their lives who listen to them and take their feelings seriously, and in general I think they just have a good set of tools for the big and the little things that growing up can throw at you. Certainly better than I did, or my partner.

That thought brings the both of us a lot of comfort.

SAR