I only wanted a friend
When I was young, we lived next door to neighbors and would often go back and forth to their house. They were a second family, and I enjoyed living in the city. Then we moved to the country, where there really weren't neighbors and anyone for 4-year-old me to play with. Eventually one of my parents made a friend, and we would start to visit their house from time to time.
I really liked it there, though I was younger than their kids by around 9 years I think. They had a trampoline and would put a sprinkler under it, and I loved having their youngest son play with me. My own siblings were much older, so never really were interested in doing anything with me.
I was so lonely.
One time, the summer I turned 5 and before entering kindergarten, I brought my swimsuit and needed to get changed at their house before going on the trampoline. My parent asked their son to help me in case I needed it. I think they thought of it as just a locker room, and nothing else, when we both went into the bathroom. I got naked, and he said he needed to help me. He groped my genitals, stroking me again and again to 'help' me get my swimsuit on. I was 4, I didn't know what to do with it, and he tied my swimsuit and we went to the trampoline.
I don't remember other times, but I'm pretty sure they happened. I know something happened on New Year's Eve; I was sleeping on his parents' bed because I couldn't manage to stay up so late, and something happened then, but I don't know what. He would play with me, though, but only if he got to grope me first. I never got to see anything of him.
Eventually he lost access to me, and I lost my only playmate. I had started kindergarten, but didn't know how to relate to any of the boys in the class because my abuser would tell me that men who were friends would grope one another, like he did to me, which made us friends. I didn't make any friends with any of my classmates, really, until 6th grade.
I remember my 5th birthday, seeing that it wasn't really a big deal and feeling a bit forgotten about, thinking well at least my abuser will play with me.
I just have to pay the ticket price of letting him touch me.
I really liked it there, though I was younger than their kids by around 9 years I think. They had a trampoline and would put a sprinkler under it, and I loved having their youngest son play with me. My own siblings were much older, so never really were interested in doing anything with me.
I was so lonely.
One time, the summer I turned 5 and before entering kindergarten, I brought my swimsuit and needed to get changed at their house before going on the trampoline. My parent asked their son to help me in case I needed it. I think they thought of it as just a locker room, and nothing else, when we both went into the bathroom. I got naked, and he said he needed to help me. He groped my genitals, stroking me again and again to 'help' me get my swimsuit on. I was 4, I didn't know what to do with it, and he tied my swimsuit and we went to the trampoline.
I don't remember other times, but I'm pretty sure they happened. I know something happened on New Year's Eve; I was sleeping on his parents' bed because I couldn't manage to stay up so late, and something happened then, but I don't know what. He would play with me, though, but only if he got to grope me first. I never got to see anything of him.
Eventually he lost access to me, and I lost my only playmate. I had started kindergarten, but didn't know how to relate to any of the boys in the class because my abuser would tell me that men who were friends would grope one another, like he did to me, which made us friends. I didn't make any friends with any of my classmates, really, until 6th grade.
I remember my 5th birthday, seeing that it wasn't really a big deal and feeling a bit forgotten about, thinking well at least my abuser will play with me.
I just have to pay the ticket price of letting him touch me.