I need some help or something

I need some help or something
D

Dude

Registrant
I'm kinda new to the board and have read quite a bit. I was going to post my story when I had it all written out but I have a problem. I was sexualy and phisiccaly abused from 2 yrs old til 8 yrs old and sold for sex from 9 to 15 years old. Long story but anyway from that I got DID or multiple personality disorder. Anyway, I'm married and have 5 kids, but sorry for the hesitation. When I dropped my wife off at work one of her friends asked my wife if she new of a therapist near by for her son. I told her there was one 30 miles away(we live in the middle of nowhere). She then told my wife that her son was mollested and I just froze. I wanted to cry or hit the wall or run but like an asshole I guess I just stood there with a sad look on my fucken face. Why do people have to fuck up other peoples lives. Sorry about my language I just. I don't know how people can do this to someone, let a lone a child. I was finally able just to leave and spent an hour crying. Not for me but for him. I guess I'm just confused and just needed to get it out but. Now I'm sorry I wrote this. I just don't know what to do to help him. I feel like I'm trapped within my self. One part of me want's to do one thing and another. Sorry it's confusing. Well, now with me I can't be touched. My brother-in-law (who lives with us) asked me when I got back if anything was wrong and touched me on the shoulder. The next thing I remember was him holding ice on his eye. I guess I popped him one in the eye. I hate this. I don't know what to do. Sorry. -Dude
 
Dude - does your wife / brother in law know that you were abused as a child.

If not do you think it would help if they did? I'm not pressuring you to tell - I have found a lot of support since I opened up to people. Only you can judge if the time is right for you to do so.

Whatever happens, I wish you well - sorry if I have not been much help.

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Yea, they know I was sexually abused but that's it. Noone knows any details, well except for the abusers. This board now knows more than anyone. but yea, that's wy my brother-in law left me alone. I just. Thank's. -Dude
 
Dude - if your brother in law knows, then maybe you should tell him that you have a problem with people touching you when you are off guard - at least he'll understand it's not personal.

Best wishes again ..Rik
 
Dude, hey, what this lady said to you brought it all back like being hit with a baseball bat.
Your reaction is the same as anyone in here. When you know what a kid can go through, all the years of terrifying torment, then no wonder you cried.
It is like a knife turning in me, when I hear of abuse, It is f**king sick.
You want to help, but think?? Why the f*ck does it happen in the first place.
I hear of it happen in the town where I live, and what does the perp get, a few years, given that they don't get off with it!
We all now how they get off with it! We get a life sentence carrying their guilt, and keeping silent.

take care,

ste
 
Dude, I do the same thing every time I hear someone talk about someone being abused. I cry for that kid. I do the same thing when someone tells the story of his abuse on here. It all hits me in a place that I have no control over. Sounds like it does the same thing to you. I'm not sure if I'm crying for that other abused child or for the abused child inside of me....probably both. Or maybe my abused child cries for that other child because he alone knows how awful it feels. I don't think we ever get over that part, and I don't think I ever want to. I want to heal, but I never want to forget. I never want to heal so well that I don't cry at someone else's pain. Don't ever feel sorry for something you write here. That's what makes this place so wonderful. You never, ever have to be sorry for what you wrote. No matter what it is, we all know you needed to write it. Bobby
 
Thank you everyone, it helps. I talked to my brother-in-law and he's ok with it, even though he has a nice shinner. -Dude
 
Everyone needs a brother in law who is that understanding. Mine thinks I'm possessed by a demon. Want to trade?
 
Well Dude, it is a good thing I am not your brother-in-law. A simple shiner on my face would be the least of your problems. I am totally non-violent, except in response to physical attack. Id have kicked your sorry ass!

Everybody here is so full of love and acceptance that they dont want to point out inappropriate behavior. You responded to abuse with abuse. Wrong!

Dont do it again.

Aden
 
Bobby, sorry about your brother-in-law. I know how it goes, but I wouldn't wish my brother-in-law on anyone.

Aden, I agree
 
Dude
I wish I could say this sort of thing gets easier, but I don't think I can.

Hearing about another child suffering abuse is always bloody hard, especially when it's face to face and more personal. Reading it in the newspapers does give it an inevitable detachment

For all the personal work and therapy I've done, and working for MS and another charity here in the UK, I still find that situations like this shock me. Maybe I expect to read it in the papers and hear about it on TV news? But face to face is different, I still feel shocked and emotional.
It happened to me one night last week when I was in a position that expects me to behave professionaly. I was talking to a mother of an 11yo boy who'd been abused who needed help.
I held out for maybe 20 minutes, then I just started crying with her. There was no way I could stop.
It wasn't a problem at all, in fact I think it showed that I 'understood'. And maybe a non-survivor would have done the same?

So, is it something that we maybe have to live with? I think so, to a degree.
It's not the sort of thing we can harden ourselves to. And I certainly don't want to become hardened to other peoples grief.
Does it do any harm? No, I don't think it does - unless you thump your brother in law every time ;) It's another emotion, a very powerful one, that we can't push under and hide away.
That's what 'we' did and caused us so many problems.

But although I said at the start that I don't think it ever gets any easier, I do think we learn to live with our emotions in a more positive way, and deal with the powerful and triggering emotions.
Once this mother and I had had a good cry, we felt better and moved on to sort out her problems. And I know I went home feeling satisfied with what I'd done to help.

I'm glad your brother in law understands that you acted through an'instinct' - albeit an unhealthy one.

Dave
 
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