i need i need i need

i need i need i need
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
i need a perfect man
i need a perfect plan
you don't know watcha got till it's gone

i need a perfect job
i need i need i need to say
i don't need much -

i don't need much -
it's ok - i am really happy
i need money i need a plan
i've got a man

i've got friends
so what's the deal
i dunno i guess
i need a plan

what the hell?

i need the degree
to get the job
is the job for me?

is the man my man
i know he is
is he the man?
i think he is

so where - where's the plan?
i've got the plan to take care of me
hopefully the man
will be part of my life eventually

but who knows life
you just never know

have a great night

(does any of this make sense?)
 
an altered state inspired this poem- not me :-)

i need a hand ...
 
Heres my hand... feel free to grab it whenever you need.
 
Mark,

Sounds like the altered state which inspired your poem is overwhelmed by confusion.

The challenges that you are describing are truly daunting--they were and are for me, as well--and especially when bunched together like this.

I see you writing about at least 4 separate things: work, education, money, and a romantic relationship.

For myself, as I try to tackle these things, I know that the challenges are extra daunting because my self-confidence has been undermined by the abuse I experienced.

Here are some of the things I have come up with over the years for myself.

Work: When I realized that it is important for me to do what I love, this finally fell into place for myself. These jobs are not exactly what I imagined for myself before, but I have found that they are truly satisfying.

Education: I never did get a degree in anything. That has made it harder and I know that it limits my choices. But it still has worked.

My natural intelligence, sensitivity and experience have all served me well (though I wasn't aware of this at the time). This job and the one before it came to me via friends.

The adage, "its not what you know but who you know that makes the difference," has turned out to have real meaning for me. Not, however, in the sense of knowing someone who is conventionally powerful.

Everyone has some kind of power and influence. Friends are among these and are a great resource. One particular friend of mine provided the greatest help because she best understands what it is I love.

Money: I live as simply as I can in order to limit my dependence on larger quantities of money.

Relationships: This is a constant challenge for me. I understand now as I look back how the abuse I experienced undermined the satisfaction of my desire for romantic relationships.

This is still a challenge. I have been helped by understanding that another person cannot fill the gaps I feel wihtin myself. Instead, I think that the most important thing in a romantic relationship is the ability to have fun with one another.

I have envisioned myself with the "perfect man." This has never exactly happened. I don't think he exists in the way I used to think of him.

Rather, I have begun to see that a man that I love becomes 'perfect' as I heal from the abuse that I experienced and as I become more 'perfect' for myself, within myself.
 
thanks guys - the more you give, the more i give

- the greater my ability to look at the world
and say 'ok, i can do this'

you are my family guys -

i wish you all the happiness, joy and healing that life can offer -

raise your glasses - here's to you and here's to us!
 
Mark,

The more you give, the more you get. And you've given much here.

You deserve happiness, and I know you'll get it.

It's the kind of person you are. :)

Peace and love,

Scot
 
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