I grow as a single child for a divorced mother. I lived in an extended family house. My uncles are insane, very violent and rude. The house was full of fear, tension and my uncles were always trying to dominate over my mother and the other women in the house. As in this country women have no rights. As my mother has been always stressed by her brothers and the society as a divorced woman which is a shame and source of inferiority, my mother was trying to make me very ideal all the time so my rights as a child have been taken away as no chance for mistakes. When I was 6 years old some one abused me sexually while I had no idea about it. later on, I started to be harassed by other boys a assaulted by older boys. as i was judged sexually and being isolated. I was exposed to a horrible daily threatening of rape, physical abuse, pulling, sexual assaults, mental and emotional attack with out having a guard as I could not tell my mother because I was afraid of her reaction. I was very terrified, I could not walk on the streets or go to the school, I was afraid of an explosion of my secret at any time. The old boys were telling me that my family are going to kill me if they knew about my sexual abuse. I was totally being locked inside me and it become dark tunnel that I have to walk for the rest of my life. I started to develop server physical illness as a reaction to the situation, Asthma, allergies and migraine. Still I had to go to school by force and to be perfect without any support. I was facing daily assault since I was a grade one student till the end of my high secondary school for continuous 12 years. I was escaping, avoiding every one who might form a risk for me which is simply avoiding the whole society at that time. I lived as a cave man. No friends, no companies and no connection with the family. I was crying most of the time and was scared of secret to be known to more people. I became obsessed, overly thinking and depressed.
I have been traumatized several times without having a chance to speak. One day I wake up and found my self being paralyzed.My legs were disabled for some days as I was scared to death of going to school.
I was experienced depression and panic attacks since that time without therapy.
to be continued ...