i need help with online personals men

i need help with online personals men
B

bec

Registrant
hello men:

i am a 42 yr old survivor who is in therapy and i need help from the more internet-savy of you. my dr. recomends that i look into internet personals in hopes of finding a woman/women to communicate with/to meet.

i have never tried out any personals at all, internet or other wise. any help offered will be appreciated. and, i live on a tight budget so cost is important. i can't afford anything too expensive. free personals would be great. but, am i expecting too much? ok, that is all men. thanks,


bec :)
 
I really don't agree with your doctor -

online personals are the worst -

mark
 
i would join a community center group

or volunteer - somewhere -

a charity or something you like to give to or do -

or if you are church going ...

or culturally inclined..

mark
 
I think this post has developed an

echooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

:)
 
but serioulsy bec - be careful

i can't speak for anyone but myself

but for gay dating - i had one date once in LA off gay.com-

but most of the people in online personals are that i have found are looking to indulge sexual need rather than relationships -
- or to take advantage - really scary weird -

i had sort of drinks meeting - date - once -
and at the end of the date -

he was telling me 'you will do'
- i had no choice!

i was so weirded out - that when
he tried to contact me -
i gently said - please just friends -
i wasn't really interested in more -

and he called me really bad names -

and he was older too - whic i thought -
was a really bad expression of him -
and crazy -

so - face to face is always better imho

m
 
Well, I'm more of an expert on internet personals than I wish, but that's life. May as well help out here. I can certainly tell you some basics.

Craigslist is free, if they have a site for your city. They're pretty good, and all over the map in terms of who they cater to. Yahoo and match are the other big entities that have a big reach. They are not too expensive.

There other pay sites to consider: Lavalife has a hipper feel. eharmony is one that tries hard to match your interests with other members. It's more like looking for a spouse than a date. adultfriendfinder is pretty much what it sounds like.

There's a bit of an art to using personals. It's best to be funny in writing your profile and very light in your e-mails to women. A picture of yourself is pretty much essential, though it needn't be a great one. If you don't have a digital picture, you better get one.

There are a lot of people who play games with personals and like to e-mail forever but not meet, probably because they are just clowning around. But sometimes people have bad intentions. So beware. Don't give out any information other than casual information. Don't send out any pictures of yourself that you wouldn't want everyone to see. If someone starts asking you for money, obviously they're scamming you so just tell them you're not interested. If someone wants to have lengthy and long exchanges, push them to either meet or move on (unless you're looking for a penpal).

The most effective approach is to e-mail two or three times and then set up a no expectations lunch or after work meeting for a drink. You may or may not want to chat over the phone first. After the lunch, you decide if there's attraction, etc. and either go from there or just politely say no thanks.

Good luck.
 
I have to say there was a terrible thing that happened in my little town of about 4,000 people. Some guy went into Yahoo personals and found a gay "date". They were to meet in a park by the river. He was attacked by two guys, raped, and he later killed himself. The odds are against you simply because of the anonymity of it all.

Therapy happens out in the real world with real people. Friends are people who meet and find they have similar tastes, hopes, goals, and dreams. Please be careful. All therapists are not equal. If mine told me to find an Internet dating site, I'd be asking to use his phone to make an appointment with a new therapist.
 
Although it depends on how long you've been in therapy I suppose, I nevertheless must agree with most of the people in saying that that is bad advice from your therapist.

On the other hand, if you truly believe it is time to start meeting new people and wish to try online, I've heard good things about Lavalife.com. Sadly, you pay $$, but I'm told it's been worth it by the couple of friends I know of at work. One of them has been with his "loved one" for a little over 2 years now. I personally haven't used the site or any other because I do not feel ready at the present. I may in the future, but that's one of those bridges you come to when you get there.

Hope this helps. And please be careful.
MR
 
Hi Bec,

I've found that the internet dating is a good supplemental way to meet women. Here is an internet dating review site that you can check out for yourself www.edatereview.com

From my experience lavaife is really expesive and most women are not serious about meeting someone. Yahoo and Match seem to have the same people, but yahoo has more false ads and a lot of spammers.

My best luck for meeting quality women has been through match. Although I haven't tried eharmony. I have two friends who have met their wives through match and one who has been dating someone for 2 1/2 years and thinking of marriage. I've met several women that I seriously dated for a few months but we both realized that we ultimately weren't a good match.

It's been a good way for me to "practice" trying to develop serious relationships as long as I'm trying to find someone serious. I have found that internet dating speeds up all the postive and negative aspects of dating. The latter is why I find most people do not like internet dating ... all the negative aspects are just too much to handle. I find that all the so called wierdos that you meet on-line are the same wierdos that are in the bars, go to church, and are active in volunteer groups ... as I said earlier the volume is higher because of the internet. So not really to much difference.

As I said earlier its a good way to supplment the way you meet women, and just like dating its about numbers and patience. I hope this helps if not the reveiw site I mentioned should.
 
men:

thanks so much for all your replies. i really appreciate them, both the positive and the negative. i will mention the range of replies to my dr. he may get a kick out of it. i value all the replies.

i WILL go into this cautiously since it is the only way i know how to. and thanks for the site listings. i will check them out asap.


sincerely,

bec :)
 
my dr. recomends that i look into internet personals in hopes of finding a woman/women to communicate with/to meet.
Click to expand...
Does this Dr know what he's doing? I would imagine that even from a legal / getting his ass sued point of view he's on dangerous ground....

But having said that maybe there are people who meet via the internet and live happily ever after.
Do we only hear the horror stories ?

A guy I work with used a very expensive and supposedly reputable dating agency, and got introduced to some of the craziest women you could ever imagine, from lunatic nymphomaniacs ( it wasn't the fun you imagine ) to illegal immigrants looking for marriage and bankrupts after his money.
Five years later he's STILL paying off one womans debts, and he hasn't seen her for four years. The law is unfortunately on her side in this particular case.

Go and volunteer at a local charity, rescue cats or help old people, that's where decent people go.
I'm sorry to be so negative, but I have never actually met anyone who's had success with online dating.
Perhaps it's an 'age thing' and I'm not receptive to the modern ways?

Dave
 
Bec,

I'm presuming you are a hetero male searching for a hetero female in the USA.

I believe there are good chances of success for you for online dating if you are a hetero male and stick to the big names like match.com or true.com or eharmony.com.

I have read numerous reports on the online dating services and those big boys like I mentioned above target the majority and fine-tune their match services for those in the majority. I believe it's eharmony.com that actually gives you a test before you can join so if your answers lead them to believe that you are gay, then of course you are rejected. That's an extreme but an example of how they try to cater to the majority. They are also very christian (ANTI GAY)-centric.

The sad fact that so many people find themselves alone in this world I think is a dramatic statement of our society.

I've been around this block many times in the past few years. In the end the results are the same, but I attribute that to being a gay man who is not under 30 and a 6-pack ab-hottie.

I think you'll find better results, being a hetero male. Cheers and good luck.

Jimmer
 
Bec I forgot to mention one other thing. I have previously said similar things to my therapist. He has told me that nearly all of his clients, straight or gay have terrible problems with meeting potential dating material. His answers are the same that we seem to get everywhere:

Post on the internet.
Go to an art gallery, join a political or religious group or interest group of your choice.

Bottom line- with everyone looking for the pefect hottie based on what we see on reality tv, I think unfortunately is that it ain't gonna happen.


Jimmer
 
I met my partner, Doug, through an online personals ad. I went out with two other men before meeting him and when he came along I told him that there wasn't a chance in hell that I'd date anyone from the ad again. The first guy I met was okay, but I told him right off that I didn't want to see him again. The second guy and I dated for a few months while he lamented about his ex. I gave up then found Doug and we've been together almost six years.

For the most part, the people online are looking for sex, plain and simple as far as I can tell. Maybe women are different, but I kind of doubt it. I got hundreds of replies to my ad (I posted a "nice" picture) and only went out with three. I had to be very, very selective.

I wish you the best in finding companionship. I've heard better reports from online dating services like e-Harmony, etc. I haven't used them, though--just word-of-mouth.

Best,
Scotty
 
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